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Visiting a male friend alone?


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Old 17th December 2017, 12:35 AM   #1
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Visiting a male friend alone?

I have a male friend and I would like to visit him but I would be staying in his apartment. He lives alone and doesn't have a girl friend at the moment since he broke up with his college girlfriend when we all graduated.

Since we graduated college, we both live in different states for work. We talk about once a week and we have been friends through out most of college. It is safe to say that he and I are very close. I trust him and I personally don't feel he would ever harm me, even during hard times like when my ex dumped me, he was there for me and took care of me when I was black out drunk. I think he is a quality person and care for him a lot.

Is this a good idea or should I think about getting a hotel? I wanted to get a second opinion on the matter.
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Old 17th December 2017, 2:30 AM   #2
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It's entirely up to you & how you intend to conduct yourself. Pack full PJs or sweats to sleep in. Don't accept romantic settings. If the lights are set low, turn some on. Don't sit & cuddle on the couch. Select a hard back chair & bright lights. Talk to him before you leave home about where you will be sleeping -- guest room, air mattress, couch etc. No candle light or only firelight. Limit alcohol. Get dressed in the bathroom; no wandering around his apartment clad only in a towel or flimsy robe.

You don't want to send a mixed signal that you two are anything other than buddies.
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Old 17th December 2017, 3:06 AM   #3
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How could you be 'black out drunk' and know that he 'took care of you?' Because you survived...of course.

Anywho, if you are concerned about impropriety enough to post about it, then get a hotel.

If you are open to the possibility that your friend may make a move on you and you wouldn't be offended, then stay with him. You never know.

If you are planning on drinking and do not want to have sex with him or find yourself in a compromising situation, get a hotel and call a taxi.
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Old 17th December 2017, 8:39 PM   #4
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The question is whether you trust him (and yourself) not to make a move, and if you do whether there are consequences. If it is obvious nothing will happen then I don't see any reason why you can't stay at his place. If you guys are as close as you say you are then he would respect the friendship and not try anything.

When I travel I often stay in female friends' apartments. At first it was a little weird but I've done that enough times now for experience to tell me nothing will happen.
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Old 17th December 2017, 8:41 PM   #5
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Sounds totally fine to me. Make sure you talk about sleeping arrangements first.
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Old 17th December 2017, 8:55 PM   #6
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The question is whether you trust him (and yourself) not to make a move, and if you do whether there are consequences. If it is obvious nothing will happen then I don't see any reason why you can't stay at his place. If you guys are as close as you say you are then he would respect the friendship and not try anything.

When I travel I often stay in female friends' apartments. At first it was a little weird but I've done that enough times now for experience to tell me nothing will happen.
Its odd but a part of me kinda wants him to make a move, but I am not sure why. Though I do not think that he will on his own, but I do think he is attracted to me physically and emotionally since we get along so well.

I am not sure if it is just that I am lonely. Actually, that might just be it.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 17th December 2017 at 9:00 PM..
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Old 17th December 2017, 9:16 PM   #7
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I trust him and I personally don't feel he would ever harm me, even during hard times like when my ex dumped me, he was there for me and took care of me when I was black out drunk
You have history and he's demonstrated he's a stand-up guy. I wouldn't give it a second thought.
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Old 18th December 2017, 10:00 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
Its odd but a part of me kinda wants him to make a move, but I am not sure why. Though I do not think that he will on his own, but I do think he is attracted to me physically and emotionally since we get along so well.

I am not sure if it is just that I am lonely. Actually, that might just be it.


That is exactly it. You are setting up this scenario, you & him alone in his apartment late at night, perhaps you have been drinking. When he makes a move you will put up a token protest then delude yourself into thinking "it just happened."


Treat carefully; you are playing a dangerous game where somebody is gonna get hurt.
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Old 18th December 2017, 12:21 PM   #9
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Just admit you want more than friendship, and want to hookup with the guy. It sounds like neither of you are attached at the moment. In that case, it could turn into something beautiful, or could ruin a valued friendship with one or both of you getting hurt.
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Old 18th December 2017, 12:30 PM   #10
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I'd bring enough cash for a cab and hotel room as well as a self defense item just in case. I however, wouldn't have any issues.
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Old 18th December 2017, 12:35 PM   #11
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I'd bring enough cash for a cab and hotel room as well as a self defense item just in case. I however, wouldn't have any issues.

Hahaha yeah being a sword or a gun hahaha

If you want something more makenthe move since you live two states away I think you donít have much to lose
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Old 18th December 2017, 1:55 PM   #12
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I don't think there is any significant reason to fear for your safety given your history with him - certainly no more reason than you'd have with a man you're dating anyway.

That being said, I might be concerned that he would misconstrue things. How sure are you that he and you are completely platonic? It may surprise you.
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Old 19th December 2017, 3:36 AM   #13
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Seems you are more afraid of your own intention. Make up your mind, you can't just "make him attempt something" so you have the upper hand. If you want more, take responsibility.

If he is a guy you trust (know for sure that he will not attempt anything by force" don't send ANY mixed signals. Some girls do that.

Conclusion, before worrying about him, make sure you know what you want first. Sounds like you want to do something stupid but you want to be able to put it on him if you didn't like the outcome.
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Old 19th December 2017, 5:09 AM   #14
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At the title, I first thought - of course it's fine! I have a friend who lives in a different country and I went to visit him alone. I didn't even think about it. He's my friend and staying with him would be like staying with a friend of any gender. We went to a spa and I was in a bikini and still nothing even came close to crossing the platonic line.

But then I read your OP. Something prompted you to post. You seem to be trying to convince yourself that he's safe, that he wouldn't harm you. Why does this even enter the thought process. You then go on to say you think you might want him to make a move but possibly only because you are lonely. This starts getting a lot more complicated than just staying with a friend. Why are you visiting?
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