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Losing my best friend because of some girl he's never seen or met.


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Old 16th September 2017, 11:58 AM   #1
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Losing my best friend because of some girl he's never seen or met.

It has definitely been a while since I posted here! I was here because of a break up some months back, and I would like to thank you all for being so kind and understanding while I was venting here! It meant the world to me!!

Now, to the main story.

My best friend and I, we'll call him M, have been friends for over 4 years. He's a 21 year old guy who lives in America, I'm a 19 year old chick from Europe. He has been the best person I have ever met. I want him to be happy and in peace with his mind. But things have just gotten so bad.

Almost 6 months ago, he met a girl in Clash Of Clans.. Yes! Not judging, though let's face it, it's a bit strange hahah. They started talking, and what do you know, M starts liking her. Without having seen her or heard her voice. Just because of the way she is, and that is perfectly fine! I was happy for my best friend!!

A month after meeting online, they called. They both live in America and everything as well! After that call, things really started "developing" between them.

Fast forward to now, they call each other "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". But the girl is simply so full of crap. He lies to M, takes him for granted and basically manipulates him. She has never been okay with letting M seen her. She's either "so busy", "has no privacy", "is tired", "doesn't feel like it", yadiyadiyada. Or she's too busy partying till 6AM. They make plans to Skype, but she just bails at the last minute, while my friend just waits for her. It's obvious that she is never going to let M see her, though she has seen M, through pictures and stuff.

When M pulls away, she starts spamming his messages with how amazing he is, that he is a great boyfriend, she really likes him and adores him, ft. the kissy emojis and so on. I've seen the texts, and I just have to say that they are so dramatic and talk like two little kids. Not being mean, but if you guys saw these texts, you'd understand. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

M just goes along with it all. He is treated like a doormat, someone that's "always there". He is absolutely desperate, to be completely honest with you. I have told him many times to get his sh*t together, I've told him what's really happening (he is just romanticizing it all), but he just doesn't want to "get it". He refuses to. We have had many fights over it. I try not to get too involved, but it pisses me off that my best friend is being treated like that.

Today we had another fight. I told him he's never going to see her, after she bailed him again (he had simply asked for a picture or a video). He said I'm being rude, I simply stated that I'm pointing out the obvious truth. Then M started telling me how my life sucks, how I'm the one who is being treated like crap (my ex really wants to get back together. He is going to therapy, wants to change and waits for me. He has asked me out on a date). How I met my ex online as well, how he kept dumping me over 4 years and so on. Then the sentence that really hurt me: "You are no one to say anything". That one really got to me. I thought I meant more to him than that. I simply told him to live his life the way he chooses to, and to take care.

I don't know anymore. He says he's in love with her, which, to me, is a bit offensive to hear, as I am someone who has been deeply in love and heartbroken to the edge of suicide due to deep depression (it's fine). I'm sure what he feels is 100% REAL. but those feelings are based on illusions. He is straight up addicted to her. He has never had a girlfriend. And he thinks very little of himself.

I'm not just worried because I will lose HIM. We will lose each other, and one day, once the girl has had her fun and enough attention, she'll leave him. M doesn't have many friends at all.

What the hell.

Last edited by donotmicrowave; 16th September 2017 at 12:02 PM..
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Old 16th September 2017, 12:16 PM   #2
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Well, crap happens on the internet. I guess he's one who has to learn for himself. I just hope he's not sending her money, but he probably is or at least gifts, and that's probably all she wants, if she even is a "she." Obviously, she's a catfish. You should tell him to watch the show "Catfish." I mean, he hates you now, so what have you got to lose.
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Old 16th September 2017, 12:29 PM   #3
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He should call the show "Catfish" to find her. Look if he is in love with her and they are calling each other bf and gf then you would do best to stay out of it. You don't know that he will lose her if they get together.
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Old 16th September 2017, 12:34 PM   #4
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He should call the show "Catfish" to find her. Look if he is in love with her and they are calling each other bf and gf then you would do best to stay out of it. You don't know that he will lose her if they get together.
I never do this, but we can bet on 50 bucks that the "getting together" part will never happen haha. Though yeah, staying away would be best. I'm tried of the drama.
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Old 16th September 2017, 4:29 PM   #5
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I never do this, but we can bet on 50 bucks that the "getting together" part will never happen haha. Though yeah, staying away would be best. I'm tried of the drama.
Yeah I agree. Obviously she is never going to meet him. Who even knows who he is even talking to. Could be a middle aged grandma or even a guy. Your friend has fallen in love with a total fantasy but it sounds like he's too far gone to reason with him. I think if you are going to remain friends with him the two of you are going to have to agree to just not talk about his imaginary gf. You tried and now he's just going to have find out the hard way.
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Old 17th September 2017, 12:44 PM   #6
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your friend is happy for now, so maybe why not just let him enjoy this happiness (however long it lasts).

they may meet who knows? I hope they do meet and it all works out really really well, but then I don't know this friend of yours or the other person he obviosuly really likes. do you know this girl? i mean do you know her properly, if he doesn't really know her (and that's what you seem to be saying to us) then how can you possibly know her that well either.

has he shown you all of the messages, have you been there every time they have spoken to each other? I'm just asking to be sure of the situation. because if they have spoken without you being there, then again you might be out of date with how they feel or how close they are bonding now.

I also don't have any reasons for them not to be happy or unhappy. I think some of the feelings you are experiencing are not only protective which is fine, but i feel there is also a sense of jealousy here and fear of what you don't know along with losing him (which is natural) but he's allowed to like others and or fall in love, even if it is not developed yet or could possibly not develop any further, but again because none of us know how they feel together, then they could be so close that they could meet and may marry next june for all we know.

ok, so their communications are a bit sickly for you, but how many people have written those kinds of things in love or infatuation. it isn't a crime, for them its harmless and a bit of romantic fun. cant you just tell him you are not that interested to hear about the details,

you don't have to be so involved in this!

i don't understand why you would be offended by anything that has gone on in this situation.

there are some pretty serious offensive things in the world these days, but I'm not sure someone feeling in love with someone he seems to enjoy talking with is one of them is it?

this question is really about him and his happiness and should ONLY really be about him and his immediate happiness, if he makes mistakes and they break up or stop talking or she turns out to be a man, a teenager having a laugh or a billion different things that she has said she is then be there for him, isn't that what friends do.

if the real issue here is that you are still single and he is happy, then you can work on that, if you have someone now, then think back to what you felt when getting to know them. was your friend there for you?

i think it might be better to give him support. if you cant do that then ok that's up to you both, but fighting over this is a bit immature I'm afraid, its not as though she has done him any harm.

as for telling him to get his **** together? is yours together? if it is together then great, but nobody is perfect, and where emotions of love or infatuation are concerned: there are a lot of people out there floating on clouds.

i personally would let him float around whilst he's happy, and if it all goes wrong, you stand by him and give him your full support.

good luck (even if it doesn't sound like that's what I'm saying) it is. GOOD LUCK. I'm not sure its worth losing what sounds like a very a good friend because you feel left out of his affections, thoughts or time!!!!!

if it is meant to be it will be, regardless of what you think or anyone else or tries to persuade otherwise.

happiness is a good thing to find. so if you can be happier for him, why not give it a try. maxi.
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Old 17th September 2017, 12:52 PM   #7
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"bad"? for you, but not for him, unless she wants fares to visit him, or him to her, that she squanders on herself, you have no reason to be concerned

I think you quite like him as a potential boyf, as you sound a bit controlling, only sooner or later, one of you will meet and fall in love with an outsider, if not this time then another
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Old 17th September 2017, 3:10 PM   #8
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your friend is happy for now, so maybe why not just let him enjoy this happiness (however long it lasts).

they may meet who knows? I hope they do meet and it all works out really really well, but then I don't know this friend of yours or the other person he obviosuly really likes. do you know this girl? i mean do you know her properly, if he doesn't really know her (and that's what you seem to be saying to us) then how can you possibly know her that well either.

has he shown you all of the messages, have you been there every time they have spoken to each other? I'm just asking to be sure of the situation. because if they have spoken without you being there, then again you might be out of date with how they feel or how close they are bonding now.

I also don't have any reasons for them not to be happy or unhappy. I think some of the feelings you are experiencing are not only protective which is fine, but i feel there is also a sense of jealousy here and fear of what you don't know along with losing him (which is natural) but he's allowed to like others and or fall in love, even if it is not developed yet or could possibly not develop any further, but again because none of us know how they feel together, then they could be so close that they could meet and may marry next june for all we know.

ok, so their communications are a bit sickly for you, but how many people have written those kinds of things in love or infatuation. it isn't a crime, for them its harmless and a bit of romantic fun. cant you just tell him you are not that interested to hear about the details,

you don't have to be so involved in this!

i don't understand why you would be offended by anything that has gone on in this situation.

there are some pretty serious offensive things in the world these days, but I'm not sure someone feeling in love with someone he seems to enjoy talking with is one of them is it?

this question is really about him and his happiness and should ONLY really be about him and his immediate happiness, if he makes mistakes and they break up or stop talking or she turns out to be a man, a teenager having a laugh or a billion different things that she has said she is then be there for him, isn't that what friends do.

if the real issue here is that you are still single and he is happy, then you can work on that, if you have someone now, then think back to what you felt when getting to know them. was your friend there for you?

i think it might be better to give him support. if you cant do that then ok that's up to you both, but fighting over this is a bit immature I'm afraid, its not as though she has done him any harm.

as for telling him to get his **** together? is yours together? if it is together then great, but nobody is perfect, and where emotions of love or infatuation are concerned: there are a lot of people out there floating on clouds.

i personally would let him float around whilst he's happy, and if it all goes wrong, you stand by him and give him your full support.

good luck (even if it doesn't sound like that's what I'm saying) it is. GOOD LUCK. I'm not sure its worth losing what sounds like a very a good friend because you feel left out of his affections, thoughts or time!!!!!

if it is meant to be it will be, regardless of what you think or anyone else or tries to persuade otherwise.

happiness is a good thing to find. so if you can be happier for him, why not give it a try. maxi.

Hey, I am going to start this off by saying that you probably have misunderstood it a tad, which is fine.

I'm not jealous. I was extremely happy for him, having to find someone he likes and all! I, myself, have a date scheduled, and to make it simple, the guy is very serious about me and I still love him (as we have had our "thing" in the past).

That girl he is so desperately in love with is constantly lying to him, my friend hasn't even seen her, as she keeps lying about it and bailing. I have seen the conversations. My friend has come to me multiple times, crying over how she is treating him. It IS a very nasty situation.

Bad things are happening in the world, as you stated, much worse than my sticky situation. But that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to feel hurt or upset.

I am letting him float on his cloud nine, as I let him be. But that girl (not sure if it even is a girl at this point), is full of **** and taking advantage of my best friend. It is obvious, as I can see that. She is manipulative and taking him for granted, which he IS AWARE OF.

I am offended, deeply, because this is my best friend of 4 years, who chooses to listen to a manipulator (he/she) who he has developed an ILLUSION of love with and who is taking advantage of him. I have zero self-esteem, but I have a lot of self respect. And if someone chooses to tell me how my life sucks, how I'm a horrible person, how I'm a doormat, and how I'm no one, it is bye Felicia.

Not every "love" situation is ponies and unicorns, sometimes you get catfished and taken advantage of. Whether or not you're dumb enough to fall for it or not, we'll see. Apparently he was. That "relationship" is not real. She is not real, he is simply love with an idea, or an illusion. I am being protective and I am damn proud of that. I am also, not gonna lie, a bit pissed that you brush this situation off as "him finding someone, him being happy, him being so in peace". He is talking to someone who means no good and has nasty intentions. And he is choosing to cut me out because of that.

Last edited by donotmicrowave; 17th September 2017 at 3:14 PM..
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Old 17th September 2017, 3:16 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
"bad"? for you, but not for him, unless she wants fares to visit him, or him to her, that she squanders on herself, you have no reason to be concerned

I think you quite like him as a potential boyf, as you sound a bit controlling, only sooner or later, one of you will meet and fall in love with an outsider, if not this time then another
I am already in love and dating, I am just not so happy about my best friend being in love with a catfish (:

I'm not controlling, as you say. He told me some nasty things, so I told him to take care and go with his choices. Nothing else.

Of course I am concerned about a person I truly care about.
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Old 17th September 2017, 3:19 PM   #10
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happiness is a good thing to find. so if you can be happier for him, why not give it a try. maxi.
Nothing wrong with happiness and love, but I'm pretty sure a one-sided catfish relationship isn't his cup of tea.
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Old 17th September 2017, 3:30 PM   #11
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UPDATE - I was right

Checked my email and what do you know, my friend has sent me dozens of emails, how he's sorry for what he said, how he should've listened to me, and how stupid he feels.

Well, here it goes:

M told his "imaginary girlfriend" about the fight we had. "She" showed no sympathy, as "she" has pretended to not remember my name ("she" admitted to that), has said nasty things about me and has asked M to stop talking to me (which he refused to do, as we are best friends and care for each other).

As it turns out, "she" is a straight up HE! How charming!

Long story (23 text screenshots) short, M was becoming very concerned about never seeing "her", about "her" lying and about "her" apparently never having time for him. The Catfish was so overwhelmed by all of it, "she" just told M to leave "her" alone. Well M didn't do that.

They kept on messaging back and forth, shooting insults at each other like there's no tomorrow, M constantly stating how he was crying, "she" saying that he should be and so on. Then the bombshell dropped: "Jesus fu*king Christ, how pathetic can you be. You p***y have been talking to a guy all along" - blocked (sorry for the language, I wrote exactly what he said).

And it's over. And poor M feels like the dumbest thing ever, as he said.

I feel so bad for him, as he is truly hurt and humiliated. But holy crap, we are so going to laugh about this one day.
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Old 18th September 2017, 9:18 PM   #12
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Well, glad it didn't take long. I can't help having some pity on the catfish. If we think it's hard for us to find love, LGBT are sometimes twice as frustrated.

Some guys fall for the imposter because they want to and because if she is actually a male, she may be more likely to be freely dropping compliments and sexting, so the guys think they've stumbled upon a real ball of fire, but usually only prostitutes or men will talk like that to someone they haven't met. One of those "if it's too good to be true" things. Well, it won't take him as long next time. He learned the hard way. Hope your friendship is intact.
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Old 1st October 2017, 11:48 AM   #13
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so you were right all along were you !!!!!!! well I'm not going to lie to you; i'm afraid I think you felt you were right anyway about all of this; whether you were or were not - it's just the way things came across at times in your replies on this post; so i'm not that surprised you stopped over to tell us how triumphant you feel about it all. sorry - if that sounds a bit harsh, but its kinda what I felt at the time .

good for your friend if they have discovered the truth about this person, but if they were happy for awhile (regardless of feeling such a fool now) then maybe it was worth it while it lasted, but as I've said before - that is what the debate was really about for about for me; supporting someone in how they feel at the time: it was never about the im right I told you so bit caught up in this post.

the bottom line is that that if people are going to send endless messages without meeting face to face then you are never going to know anything about anyone's real character; whether it be a male wanting to date or meet a female, a woman secretly wanting to meet another women boys and old men looking to meet girls (or whatever combination, hidden agenda, true love hope, desperately seeking partner or something more sinister) is involved.

without knowing BOTH sides of this story or the specific facts and e-mails involved in something like this, the whole thing sounded pretty fishy full stop to me from start to finish.

be honest with this, would you have been online telling us if your friend was really happy and that they met up and are still together and you were wrong, or would you be posting that you're still on a bit of a downer because your mate has met someone who has taken time away from the friendship?

it's a rhetorical question that im going to leave in the air here. why, because when you get anonymous texts and into conversations with anonymous people - it can mean anything you need it to mean, things can be misinterpreted and facts only half given for millions of reasons- it just depends what's behind it all;. but I make NO apologies for how I feel or what I posted that day, I wrote what I felt and that's pretty much it the way anyone can only do with the story that they have.

im not sure how many people out there that think of love as unicorns and ponies, (and this post is certainly not written from the perspective of the unicorns side that's for sure). I am open to the idea of things being real where love is concerned, until proven otherwise, and only having one side of a story you have to judge whether you think it is something that you feel is genuine; which is all I was posing in the first place whilst acknowledging that it might be real, but if it's not just be supportive.

it could have been real, not having seen the messages, I don't believe anyone on this site unless they knew you well could possibly know for sure, but just because someone wanting to meet up via an online source doesn't tick all the initial communication expectation boxes, it doesn't always mean that person is naturally suspect or is out to give a deliberately false impression.

but just staying online all the time to speak to people for months on end is the price you pay for getting caught up in endless online posts back and forth where love is concerned (if you don't actually meet the person and talk to them then there is a danger that you can fall prey to illusion, other peoples manipulation and disappointment).

the world is full of fakers, online and off it, my message was if the guy is having fun then give him that moment to enjoy it, and if it all falls down be there for him.

no one wishes for you not to have a right to feel upset or jarred by all of this, but you spoke of being offended, and I questioned how someone having fun at that time was in your eyes an offensive thing? naive yes, but hardly offensive.

but it's about proportion, you came over as a bit jealous of your friend and so I brought that up and am aware of your right to protect your friend and question if you think I am wrong. but I don't feel bothered about what you said or may/may not say about this, it's an opinion based on only one side of a story, I took in what you said and replied what I thought. (just as your friend obviously did too).

I don't know either of you in this situation so I have no gain from getting too caught up by it all, I try where I can to be constructive, but sometimes you have to go with your heart (and you went with your heart with your original passion that came over in deffence and your protection of your friend); but the truth is that "your post" and "my reply" has comes from the same place; we are both saying what we feel about something. it isn't about getting ***** or upset; you posed your thoughts and people offered their thoughts back, if you choose to post something in a forum, then others have a right to reply to what's going on.

maybe the real moral of the story here is, to be wary following up time wasting e-mails that don't actually lead to anything constructive.

but one thing I do know and it's this; it's not just people looking for "love" that can find themselves cat-fished into giving valuable time to issues that are not always what they profess to be!


ah well, maybe you will laugh at this one day with your friend as you ponder; who knows

...till the next debacle, maxi.

Last edited by maxi105; 1st October 2017 at 11:55 AM..
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