LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

I am feeling used but not sure


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree3Likes
  • 2 Post By Scarlett.O'hara
  • 1 Post By stillafool
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 13th September 2017, 4:35 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
I am feeling used but not sure

I tutored a guy for a long time and during this time I started having feelings for him. This is why naturally I found the time for him even when I was busy, I would make sure to hang out with him and we slowly started becoming good friends.

I cannot say he hasn't done things for me because he has, but then again, I devoted a lot of time and effort into teaching him Italian. We spent the summer talking almost every day, he would call me and text me and then - he stopped. When I told him I was bothered by this, he wrote a message on how he texts millions of people every day and how my last text wasn't so important and it shouldn't bother me. I then finally admitted my feelings towards him to which he said he cannot be in relationships, but didn't want to tell me why (my guess now is that he is gay and in denial, but I might be very wrong). At this moment - I kind of lost interest.

The thing is my life is super hectic, and I just can't find enough time or will power to keep tutoring him, especially knowing he doesn't like me in a romantic way. When I do hang out with him, he always brings up Italian lessons and I have a feeling he is being super nice hoping I would tutor him again. (he needs Italian for his work). Every time he calls to check up on me, he somehow brings into the story how his Italian has got worse. I also was giving him a lot of tutoring for virtually no money (he offered to pay more, but you know - a girl in love). And now I have a full-time job and I don't have to tutor people any more. And I don't want to tutor him. I also am going back to school, my schedule is insane. If I do hang out with friends, I want it to be relaxing, not tiring.

But I have a feeling if I stopped tutoring him, it would hurt our friendship. But then again, are we only friends because I tutor him? As I said, he has done things for me in the past - but I am just very confused. Any thoughts? Thanks
daisy pooh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th September 2017, 4:45 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,118
Yes he is only your friend to learn Italian. You should start charging him if you are going to continue to tutor him or tell him you can't tutor if your feelings for him are too strong.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th September 2017, 4:57 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Scarlett.O'hara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 862
The real test of your friendship will be how he behaves once you have made it clear that you can't tutor him anymore.

A good friend will respect your decision and wont want to be a burden. However, if he keeps going on and on about it once you have said no, or starts to fade away, then you will know his friendship was merely superficial. It would be better to know this sooner rather than later, don't you think?

Also, if you have feelings for him that aren't mutual, it is probably best to pull back from him because you will only become more invested and hurt in the long run. Unrequited feelings are the worst.
O'Malley and CC12 like this.
Scarlett.O'hara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th September 2017, 12:24 AM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlett.O'hara View Post
The real test of your friendship will be how he behaves once you have made it clear that you can't tutor him anymore.

A good friend will respect your decision and wont want to be a burden. However, if he keeps going on and on about it once you have said no, or starts to fade away, then you will know his friendship was merely superficial. It would be better to know this sooner rather than later, don't you think?

Also, if you have feelings for him that aren't mutual, it is probably best to pull back from him because you will only become more invested and hurt in the long run. Unrequited feelings are the worst.
I don't really have feelings for him anymore after he brushed me off in his text. But then he seemed so hurt when I told him I wanted to take a break from our friendship, he said he had bought me a present and it's been waiting for me at his house. So I don't want to reject a good friend, but I've noticed that every single time we interact he brings up Italian. When I once told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore, he said: Oh, so you don't care about my Italian anymore? No, I really don't. And I wonder if I should care about him at all anymore too.
daisy pooh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th September 2017, 8:05 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,118
He probably bought you the present to pay you back for teaching him Italian. At least he's giving you something for your service. If you need money just charge him a fee and teach him the language.
knabe likes this.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Was devastated now feeling great! How long will this feeling last? Conscience Coping 6 27th May 2011 8:09 PM
feeling that crappy feeling sinking back into me nothappyjan Breaks and Breaking Up 2 28th February 2011 2:51 AM
Is There a Difference Between Feeling Confident and Feeling Attractive...? USMCHokie Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 15 9th March 2010 3:39 PM
feeling insecure/being crazy/reason for feeling anxious pandagirl Dating 7 12th July 2009 3:07 PM
Not coping. feeling rubbish, feeling drained. MrEELB Coping 3 29th September 2008 10:34 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:25 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.