Ex friend won't leave me alone

[Hiya85]

This [friend] let her abusive bf ruin our friendship and told him things I confided in her about.. also accused me of harassing them from a different number which was INSANE. I tried to be cordial, kept the peace, and stopped talking to her.

 

So much happened but I'm trying to keep this as short as possible. After a few months she recently texted me and suggested we hang out.. about how we always had fun and that she was in an abusive relationship, lost a lot of friends and had to get him locked up.

 

She said our relationship is repairable on her end. I told her as long as she's safe I'm happy and I kindly declined meeting up and her response was "ok". Days after that convo she texts me: "You're the same miserable judgmental [person] your mother is.. and you cant even see it."

 

At first I was confused because in the last convo she asked me how I was doing and suggested a hang out. All I did was ask how she was doing and declined meeting up. There wasn't any negative dialogue.

 

So this 35 year old woman is salty because I choose not to be around her. She is a pest that wont go away. I lose my joy when she texts me. She is on a mission to destroy my peace every chance she gets.

When I am honest with her about her behavior she loses [it] and cannot see another person's perspective on things.

 

There's really no point in telling her AGAIN that I am not interested in a friendship. Just because we aren't friends doesn't mean we have to be enemies and just because we are cordial doesn't mean we have to be friends. She needs to find that peace within herself and leave me [] alone.

 

Everyone is judgmental and you have to be at times. She is full of drama and I no longer want to be associated with her. I don't know what else to do other than change my number. my concern is how its going to be if we cross paths...

Edited April 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and language ~6

[Zahara]

Why can't you just block her number? Most phones these days have the block function.

 

When you cross paths, just walk away. And keep walking regardless of what she says.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Ditto. Block her number. If you run into her be cordial and cool but she sounds nutty. I could never trust someone like that.

[preraph]

I had a close friend's new man and to be husband ruin our relationship too. They just choose to not rock the boat with them and blow their friends off, when they know it's wrong. Desperate needy people do that. Weak people do that. I don't blame you for being judgmental because she admits it was abusive. But she is who chose to cut you out and take his side when he didn't even know you and now it's time for her to see the consequences, which is that you can't treat friends like that.

[darkmoon]

how it would be with any stranger is how

 

she is out of your life

[Hiya85]

Why can't you just block her number? Most phones these days have the block function.

 

When you cross paths, just walk away. And keep walking regardless of what she says.

 

I added her number as spam. that's all I can do on my phone and it goes to a spam folder. I happened to check the spam folder and there it was. I did not respond.

[Hiya85]

Thanks for the responses.. She is a nutcase and I have no regrets for cutting me off. I will get mase just in case.

[Telemachus]

You seem like a reasonable person. If she needs to have the last word, well, you did let her do that. Just ignore any future messages from her, as you did most recently.

[SpiralOut]

IMO, she is trying to start a fight with you because at least that way you'd still be talking, even if it's not on friendly terms. I don't think there's much you can say that would get her to willingly back off.

 

Changing your number will probably aggravate her further. Just ignore the messages and let her think she is getting through to you.

[maxi105]

it sounds like there is a lot more to this than you feel comfortable enough to say, (or maybe you are just tired of it all? who knows...),

 

but without knowing more about who said or did what etc; I'm not sure on this occasion my answer will be as clear cut as it might otherwise be for speaking against your friend, or for you 100%.

 

might it be that things have not been handled the best way by you too at times in all of this? I'm not accusing you outright either, like I say I don't feel I know enough about what has gone on: I'm just asking what is your part to all of this? have you communicated to the maximum to try to clear the air now things have gone so wrong for you? because it sounds as though there are still things to say between you both I'm afraid!

 

this doesn't sound like finished business to me I'm afraid! but it's not all bad if you are prepared to try and talk again...

 

despite your frustration at her, it sounds as though she actually wanted to talk to you to explain things but now feels angry that you have cut her off completely.

 

however, from what you have said, I do sympathise in one way: as I'm sure it was tough that you had to find out about things the way you have (whatever way that was), but I also can't help feeling that maybe it was a bit naive of you to confide in your friend if you thought there would be any chance her trouble making boyfriend might find out your business - not to mention naive to tell her such a confidential thing and to not to properly consider the possibility of her telling the boyfriend as they are a couple!!!! but yes, you have a right to be angry about the breech of confidence.

 

we get the immature and controlling bit etc; but what was your relationship like with her or with him before this happened.

 

do you have a partner, do you tell them things that are personal to others just because you are a couple? I am sure there are lots of partners who know friends private business! it happens, (its not that way for everyone of course, and although it can be very uncomfortable if things get found out) but it does happen; and sadly you got to experience it the hard way.

 

One thing is that is coming across is your anger, frustration and I feel there may be a sense of humiliation or embarrassment for you. but what you DON'T seem to have said in all of this is WHAT ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND?!!!

 

He is the one that has betrayed you deeply as well, if not more, yet you say NOTHING about him regarding his conduct and actions to betray you like this! why not? they are both just as responsible!

 

you say you have tried to keep the peace though have cut contact, isn't keeping the channels of communication open a better option, especially if you fear seeing this girl around in the future.

 

if it were me I would want to meet up and thrash this out verbally till you have both said what's on your mind (however heated it gets), that way you can both say your piece and you will know without doubts where the other stands and why they are so rigid in their actions and views. it will also give you both a chance to reflect on your behaviours later on, and question if you were unfair to the other person in any way; and then if you still feel the same way after meeting up then you can hopefully move on and go your separate ways (if that's where it is heading), and with any luck, move on from this in a more calm, understanding and clearly communicated way, (like adults)!!!!

 

meeting up will also cut out the tension and anxiety you have about what happens might when you bump into her next, because you will truly know where you stand.

 

but from what I can see it also sounds as though you are venting emotionally too (passively or otherwise and perhaps to those that know better); and from what you have said here there also sounds as though there is an element of drama to your thoughts and feelings for this girl now; the longer this has been allowed to stew: the idea of someone being on a "mission" to destroy your peace every chance they get sounds rather dramatic (and without telling us how then its hard to judge), ...is she that constant in her communications with you? only you know if that sentiment is true. and if she is, how is she?

 

how has she let her boyfriend ruin your friendship? (it sounds like you don't want this friendship now anyway so I'm not sure why you feel bothered the friendship was ruined, it must have been better surely? was it ever good?

 

so again are you being honest with this, is this really a friendship you no longer want ? I ask because you talk of a ruined friendship,. was this a good friend at one time, or a potentially good friend to be? if so why let someone's boyfriend spoil it for you in the first place. don't friends want to talk and sort things out. if you give us more then its easier to be clearer in giving more certain thoughts.

 

and why are you letting her ruin your peace still in such a continued way. I don't mean to knock you down I'm just asking questions that might help get to the heart of where it's all gone wrong here. it sounds as though whatever it is, its blown well out of proportion now and is eating you up both In quite a negative and damaging way.

 

I'm not trying to be difficult in my reply, I wish you well and peace; but I think you should try to talk it out with her one last time and let her see exactly what she has done and how hurt you are - face to face, and give her the chance to say why she did what she did. you will then know if you can salvage this or whether you have missed a part of how she is still the same person underneath and should be given another chance or if she is just not worth it.

 

my guess is she is probably as hurt and as fed up with this and possibly her boyfriend as you have been, she is also probably feeling guilty that she has let you down, so why not at least give her the chance to explain before you condemn her.

 

only she can tell you what went on and why (unless she already has done)?

but unless you talk to her it's going to drag on and on forever and there will be real bad feelings "every time you meet". that sounds so pointless and a waste of energy for you both.

 

good luck with this. it isn't the end of the world, but I think you HAVE to meet up with her and talk it though face to face if you are serious in wanting to put an end to this drama! and it sounds as though it would do you both some good in the long run and have a ***** good row. talk and argue if you must but get this cleared up so you can get some peace, and can reclaim your happiness again

 

be the bigger person. ask to talk and get the facts. if she still is not interested then you will have done all you can.

 

but like I said earlier. without the more solid facts it's not always fair to side with one person against the other. you at least have the opportunity if you can get it to find out and decide for yourself, but being passive or not talking won't solve anything for either of you. otherwise you wouldn't be posting the way you have.

 

so maybe just stop and think of it more as NOT being a question of you having to "tell her again you don't want to be friends", but see it more of chance to talk to her face to face and be honest with her and allow her to open up to you honestly and share her feelings with you about this; that way you can read this situation with a lot more clarity and can reduce a lot of the anger and bitterness that is building up between you both.

 

you are angry, but so is she, you want peace but are not talking to her to get that (its not enough to be cordial!!!!) you have to face the situation and meet and talk if you haven't already), she wants to talk and you won't, this problem is going round in circles and you are both as fed up and angry with each other id imagine by now.

 

sorry if my answer doesn't read the way you'd hoped for in some ways, but that's what happens when people don't or wont talk, they (or others that want to stir things up) are left to guess and imagine the situation and you get gossip, lies, manipulators, anger broken freindships etc rather than actual facts and closure as to what really went on and why!!!!!

 

that's why you need to talk to her and get it sorted. once and for all!

 

maybe next time you should think about what you chose to tell others and think more carefully who you confide in!

 

if there is one thing that makes sense to you in what I've offered then I hope it will be useful to you, and I also hope that you don't feel too aggrieved at what I've written! but genuinely good luck with this, it's never nice to be betrayed by those we have entrusted something personal to.

 

it's ok not to want friendship anymore, but I still think you must be honest and tell her face to face and what you want, how you feel and why (and allow her to say the same things back to you). she may have things going on that you don't know about or there may be other people that have been stirring things up for you and involved themselves in your business that you are not aware! but are only venting at her for?

 

you won't get peace otherwise without meeting and facing up to what you have both done to prolong this negative situation. life is too short for this kind of thing. really. but good luck with it anyhow.