Relationship adivce for friend?

[bluesgirl24]

I am not really posting this in a sense for myself, but more so for my friendwho is coming to me constantly for relationship advice. And I was wondering –have any of you helped someone through a toxic relationship? What sort ofadvice do you give them? He has been my friend for quite a long time and I amstarting to get very concerned about him. At least once a week his girlfriendgets really upset with him for no reason in particular which causes him to bestressed out so much so that he is not eating on functioning properly, but thenext day she pretends like nothing has really happened and for some reason hestill goes along with it, even though he is constantly coming to me upset andcontinues to repeatedly say how unhappy he is.

 

 

I guess I should sort of go into detail as to what she has done, I am not surehow toxic or unhealthy all of these things are but they seem like it to me. Sheis constantly getting offended at every sort of joke that comes out of hismouth (he loves to joke, super sarcastically too) and tries to tell him that hecan’t say stuff like that. She also tries to control his actions such as whathe says to other people, how he treats other people etc. When an argumenthappens, she tells him that she is more concerned about her feelings than his andsomehow always turns the blame around on him, so his self-esteem seems to beconstantly plummeting because he thinks he is just not “right”.

 

 

Recently, she got in a very minor accident and she lives 40 minutes away fromhim, where he lives directly by the university that they both go to. He droveher to and from school every day for 3 weeks and did not offer him any gasmoney throughout the 3 weeks (I mean if you are in a relationship, whats yoursis someone elses but I figured maybe not this soon into one?). Once she got anew car, his car actually died and when he needed a ride to the university, shedid not give him one and he had to take the bus.

 

 

And lastly, on top of this, she is still in contact with a guy that she haddated prior to him starting a relationship with her. He confronted her aboutthis a few months ago when he saw that she sent him a message saying “I saw youwearing the bracelet I made you on your facebook feed and it melted my heart”.He did not ask her to stop talking with him, but instead confronted her askingif she still had any feelings for him. She claimed she did not and that she wasjust trying to be nice and that she will stop communicating with him. A coupleweeks ago, her phone was on the table when he was sitting with her and he sawthat she was in fact still in contact with him. He tells me that he doesn’tmind, but he does not like the fact that she lied to him about this other guy.

 

 

Anyway, I think this is just some of the things that have happened throughouttheir relationship for the past 5 months. I am sorry it is so long, I just reallywant advice for my friend. It seems like every time he tries to leave or pullsaway, she gets nice for a few days or a week, and then the same treatment isback again. He says he feels stuck, and is scared of making a mistake if heleaves her. I am sort of at a loss on how to help him out to be honest, or whatadvice I can give him. Usually I sit and listen and try to be there for him. Iknow obviously you can’t force anyone to do anything, but it is hard seeingsomeone that is close to me and that is like a best friend suffer and gothrough so much. Any thoughts from any of you? Is there a way to fix any ofthis? I need an outside view on this situation. Thanks.

[stillafool]

Anyone who causes so much stress that one cannot eat should be eliminated from their life. My advice would be to break up with her and find happiness.