sickoflove11 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 A very close friend of mine lives in a different state. We have seen each other a couple times a year and I just visited her in her state recently without visiting any of my other friends. It seems every time she comes to visit my state, she is always coming to visit other friends. She lets me know she is coming so that maybe we can meet up. She never comes here to visit me specifically. Her and I have been friends for much longer but I am not dumb, I know the saying, quality over quantity. I guess the quality of our friendship has diminished. She is currently visiting these friends and told me last minute of their plans, and I cannot make it down there in that short of time. Is is rude of me to tell her that maybe sometime she could come visit me first before them? Or is it clear I am just second priority and not a priority enough to make time for? Should I give up on this friendship? She is the closest friend I have and I don't have many where I live now, so ending the friendship with her will honestly feel like a break up to my heart. (I reposted this because the topic being addressed was not the issue I am currently worried about) Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 She is currently visiting these friends and told me last minute of their plans, and I cannot make it down there in that short of time. Is is rude of me to tell her that maybe sometime she could come visit me first before them? Or is it clear I am just second priority and not a priority enough to make time for? Should I give up on this friendship? She is the closest friend I have and I don't have many where I live now, so ending the friendship with her will honestly feel like a break up to my heart. Personally, I would probably just tell her you are unable to make it, but that she is more than welcome to come visit you another time. If she values your friendship, hopefully she will make more of an effort. Leave it up to her and try not to say something in the heat of the moment that you might regret later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I think you are friends but not involved in each others daily lives even though she's far away. Maybe those other friends keep in touch with her much more than you do and because of that she feels more bonded and close to them. It doesn't diminish your friendship with her, obviously she wants to see you but yes you are right, you're not a high priority. Next time make plans early before she comes and get her to commit to a day/evening to spend with you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Friendships aren't exclusive like love relationships. Very often one person is your best friend, but that person's best friend is someone else. Like in my handful of friends, the one I used to run around with most, she would expect me to understand if she just dropped me because either her sister or daughter showed up. I don't like that, but that's how it is. I don't even think it's healthy for people to make themselves always available and let people just do whatever or accept any scrap from them, but that is what she once in a while does with them and I do sometimes with her, though not often. She used to invite me to Thanksgiving dinner but I stopped going after the first year because she didn't tell her grown daughter what time to be there and cooked and left it all sitting around for hours to see when and if the daughter would show up. You can't change that stuff about people though. Another friend it was a close call to me getting insulted this week because we'd planned lunch early in the week (her choice) and then she'd made tentative other plans to take her son somewhere that day. I just waited until the day of because I did have to see what time I got out of the office and then asked if she had made other plans or if we were going. She did come and we had a nice lunch. I am not at all forgiving of being shoved aside, but people have their priorities when they get families especially, like it or not. I mean, I wouldn't dream of thinking about doing that to her and saying "Oh, well, I might take my dog to the park instead." But people with kids think you're just supposed to automatically accept that any tiny need the kid has takes priority over anything else. You don't have many friends, and there's some reason for that. But all I can tell you is if you don't like the behavior, don't reward it by staying friends, if it's that important to you. And also try to be entertaining when you're with friends if possible to make them WANT to see you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 I think you are friends but not involved in each others daily lives even though she's far away. Maybe those other friends keep in touch with her much more than you do and because of that she feels more bonded and close to them. It doesn't diminish your friendship with her, obviously she wants to see you but yes you are right, you're not a high priority. Next time make plans early before she comes and get her to commit to a day/evening to spend with you. Her and I definitely are in contact more than these friends because her and I text very regularly, multiple times a week. She is always bad about making plans and I try to do everything I can to make something concrete, but she just says she doesn't know what they're doing and she'll let me know as soon as she knows. Which she only gave me like 4 hours to stop my life and drive 1.5 hours away... Link to post Share on other sites
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