My neglecting best friend

[Mc77]

So here's the thing. My best friend and I(we're both guys) have been best friends for a year. We met on October 2015 and became best friend the following March and it was weird because we weren't as close, we sure had a lot of things in common but never really got to know each other until that March, when we started talking a lot and told each other some kinda serious secrets about each other, he was in a really bad place back then and needed someone you know, so I guess that was me and things were great for a while but he started kinda neglecting out friendship a lot. He was the first to call me his best friend but he never really showed it.

 

Last year, around December, things weren't going good and long story short we got into this fight because I was picking on him as a joke and he messed with a much more serious thing trying to hurt me so I broke things down to him you know and we ended up saying very hurtful things to each other, I told him he was toxic and how even though I did everything I could it was never enough and he said I was a disgusting human being and he could tell I was a fake friend since day one, among other stuff, but after a couple of weeks we ended up fixing things and apologizing to each other and everything and things were ok again. Still, he was always distant, he still is and he doesn't really seem to care about my problems. Also, I think that even though we have a lot of friend in common, best friends should have alone time with each other you know, but every time we go out, he invites someone else, whether it's a friend, a few of them, even his sister.

 

Even this Sunday, I was feeling very down for various issues and he knows so he invited me to come over so we could hang, he said he knew how bad I was feeling lately and that he would like it if I came over, but I wasn't able to, which made me feel really bad, because he was showing he cared and that's not something he does often, so I was all "I'm sorry I can't hang out, but let's hang next week, I'm free any day, just tell me when. I really appreciate you inviting me, you're the best" blah, blah.

 

And later I found out he was actually having this reunion with 20+ people, and I was just invited, but he just didn't tell me about the whole thing. Something else that really bothers me is that we have this friend in common, and she's his girl best friend, and he's constantly telling her how much he loves her and how thankful he is to her and they're always going out and at each other's places and uploading pictures, and you know I get the fact that we're guys, we can't just go around telling each other how much we love and appreciate one another and stuff, but it would be really nice if I could feel a little appreciation, you know?

 

I'm not sure what to do, I don't feel comfortable, I wish he cared about the friendship but I feel like he doesn't. I want to say something to him but last time I expressed inconformity about this was when we had that huge fight. I don't know what to do, sometimes I feel like he was very vulnerable and weak when we became best friends, and since he's been doing so great for a few months, he doesn't even care anymore. It's also bothering me because when we stopped talking he was super sad, telling people he had lost his best friend, and stuff so I know he cares, but he just doesn't show it now we're all good.

 

Any comment will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, everyone!

Edited March 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[preraph]

I honestly just think your friendship went through a honeymoon phase and then that ended. It happens. And now I think you're expecting too much from a guy pal. It's like you're wanting some sort of commitment. He knows it, too, which is why he's not being alone with you much. He doesn't want any more confrontations about going deep with him. Again, sometimes when two people get excited about finding a friend, there is this kind of intoxicating and warm close period, but that doesn't usually just stay that way.

[Tanyasinclair]

I'd just like to throw in a question or two merely for contemplation on the entire issue. ^^;

 

1: During the course of your friendship, when everything was going well and felt good, was there anything about your friend that you disliked?

 

2: If you did notice that there were things you disliked (or possibly irritated you a lot) did you find it easier to ignore them in the early days?

 

I'm just asking these questions because I, too, have had experience with having a best friend (or two, or three) where it felt awesome and perfect in the beginning, but after several months (or maybe a year), it just seemed like... it wasn't so much anymore. And these are questions I wished I had asked myself at the time.

[Mc77]

I honestly just think your friendship went through a honeymoon phase and then that ended. It happens. And now I think you're expecting too much from a guy pal. It's like you're wanting some sort of commitment. He knows it, too, which is why he's not being alone with you much. He doesn't want any more confrontations about going deep with him. Again, sometimes when two people get excited about finding a friend, there is this kind of intoxicating and warm close period, but that doesn't usually just stay that way.

 

Perhaps you're right. I've never confronted him, though. That time we fought all started because he messed with very personal issues and I out a stop to it, and we both started saying lots of things we probably didn't mean. I also get the whole honeymoon period, but I believe that after it ends, friends are still best friends you know, it's just a much calmer thing. But this is different, he calls me when he needs something, but is rarely there for me, we never talk and stuff, and even though I'd like to stop calling him my best friend, he's there you know what I mean@

[Mc77]

I'd just like to throw in a question or two merely for contemplation on the entire issue. ^^;

 

1: During the course of your friendship, when everything was going well and felt good, was there anything about your friend that you disliked?

 

2: If you did notice that there were things you disliked (or possibly irritated you a lot) did you find it easier to ignore them in the early days?

 

I'm just asking these questions because I, too, have had experience with having a best friend (or two, or three) where it felt awesome and perfect in the beginning, but after several months (or maybe a year), it just seemed like... it wasn't so much anymore. And these are questions I wished I had asked myself at the time.

 

Well, to tell you the truth I'' not sure there was anything I didn't like about him, I was very proud to call him my best friend, he just seemed much more pure before, you know? But, if there was anything I didn't like or wasn't a fan of, I think I wouldn't have cared much. But there wasn't, that's the thing. Everything was amazing, and I wish things could go back being that way because I really need my best friend more now than ever and he's just not aroung