Feeling left out

[hippychick3]

I have a friend, "D" who I have known for about 8 years or so but have become close to in the last 4 years. She is single and since my boyfriend is long distance, we go out for drinks and dinner often when my kids are with their dad. We talk on phone and text pretty regularly and hang out a lot with other friends as well. This weekend is an unusual weekend where I don't have my kids with me and my boyfriend is out of the state for a work conference, so I am totally free. Since this is a rare occurrence, I wanted to do a girls weekend. We planned this a few months ago and she wanted to invite her other friend "S" who she has known and been close friends with a few years longer than me. They have more of a history together. I get along well with S and the 3 of us have hung out many times together along with other friends, but S and I have never hung out just the two of us. I have no problem with S coming along but am a bit concerned about feeling like a 3rd wheel on a weekend trip.

 

Anyway, we leave tomorrow and as I'm super excited and packing, I see on social media that D and S are having drinks and dinner tonight and I wasn't invited. I was really surprised about this and texted D "thanks for the invite." She responded that S had bought 2 tickets to the 50 Shades movie and they were having dinner before that. She didn't know she was going to buy the tickets and if she did, she would have told her to get one more...blah blah blah. I don't even want to answer he and now am not even looking forward to this trip.

 

How do you deal with feeling left out? My boyfriend said I'm overly sensitive and it shouldn't be a big deal. I don't agree. I feel really slighted. Btw, it's also that time of the month, and my emotions are everywhere all day today.

[mightycpa]

S had bought 2 tickets to the 50 Shades movie and they were having dinner before that. She (D) didn't know she was going to buy the tickets and if she did, she would have told her to get one more...blah blah blah.

What if you had purchased the two tickets, surprised your friend and invited her to dinner and then S suddenly started whining because she felt left out because you didn't buy 3 tickets?

 

I'm with the BF. Get over it, or you're liable to be left out of a lot more stuff.

[whichwayisup]

I think you've overreacted especially sending her a snide text, that's going to make the weekend a bit awkward. I get that you feel left out and a bit hurt but it would've been better to talk to her another time since you are spending the weekend with her and the other friend anyway. What's one night of them spending the evening together? You have to remember that they have a separate friendship, just like you and her have a friendship. Share and be happy, get to know this other girl and try not to feel jealous.

[hippychick3]

What if you had purchased the two tickets, surprised your friend and invited her to dinner and then S suddenly started whining because she felt left out because you didn't buy 3 tickets?

 

I'm with the BF. Get over it, or you're liable to be left out of a lot more stuff.

 

I am pretty sure if I had bought tickets for the movie, she'd invite S to dinner.

 

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I will get over it.

[hippychick3]

I think you've overreacted especially sending her a snide text, that's going to make the weekend a bit awkward. I get that you feel left out and a bit hurt but it would've been better to talk to her another time since you are spending the weekend with her and the other friend anyway. What's one night of them spending the evening together? You have to remember that they have a separate friendship, just like you and her have a friendship. Share and be happy, get to know this other girl and try not to feel jealous.

 

We are both pretty blunt with each other as she is the most blunt and outspoken person I know, so the snide text isn't as bad as if I would have sent it to another friend.

 

I do know the other girl. I actually like her a lot and understand they have a separate friendship. It's just the fact that it's the night before we are leaving together and knowing that D often invites S to anything we do together that bothered me.

 

I will probably look back at this in a few days and feel silly for being jealous.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Sometimes we all say things in heat of the moment and then regret it. In this case, I think you will end up regretting say it. I mean, you know that she would have told the other friend what you said, right?

 

If they had cancelled the trip then posted photos of them hanging out having a fun girls weekend without you, I would completely side with you, but I don't think it is as bad as it is making you feel right now.

 

You may hate this suggestion, but I suggest you make a quick apology tomorrow just so there isn't any tension on your trip. It sucks to swallow your pride and do it, but trust me, it will make for a better trip, for you and for them.

 

Have fun!

[hippychick3]

Sometimes we all say things in heat of the moment and then regret it. In this case, I think you will end up regretting say it. I mean, you know that she would have told the other friend what you said, right?

 

If they had cancelled the trip then posted photos of them hanging out having a fun girls weekend without you, I would completely side with you, but I don't think it is as bad as it is making you feel right now.

 

You may hate this suggestion, but I suggest you make a quick apology tomorrow just so there isn't any tension on your trip. It sucks to swallow your pride and do it, but trust me, it will make for a better trip, for you and for them.

 

Have fun!

 

Thank you for the advice and feedback.

[Timshel]

The triad...is always in a state of flux.

If you are able to flow with it/it's enriching.

If not, drama.

You don't seem like a drama person hippychick.

 

Have fun with your friends on the girls weekend. You are not a third wheel...you're the third person in a B movie that does not get eaten by dinoshark or abducted by aliens.

[hippychick3]

The triad...is always in a state of flux.

If you are able to flow with it/it's enriching.

If not, drama.

You don't seem like a drama person hippychick.

 

Have fun with your friends on the girls weekend. You are not a third wheel...you're the third person in a B movie that does not get eaten by dinoshark or abducted by aliens.

 

Haha! Thanks, Timshel.

 

Yes, I avoid drama like the plague. Ironically, my friend is huge on drama (with other people, not me). lol

[Timshel]

Have fun, seriously. Don't be so serious....

 

Jealous of the girls trip. Looking forward to quality time with my man over the next few days but gf, could use some gf rr.

Enjoy and make me more jealous so that I can vicariously recall feminine sisterhood...including all it's imperfections.

[preraph]

I rarely ever invite more than one friend at a time to anything. Sometimes you can just visit about more personal stuff without having a third person there who maybe isn't as close to one of you. I think you're being unreasonable about it. Those two may have things to talk about that you are not privy to.

 

I hope you don't get shut out on this trip. This is your chance to become closer to the third person. But not everyone gets along on trips, so mind your p's and q's and hope they both do too. To offset being outvoted, maybe you should do the driving so you at least have some control. Draw straws for the best room at the cabin or whatever it is. Chill out. You are jealous of her friend. That's not good.

[Miss Clavel]

i wouldn't even go on the trip. the fact that she only got two tickets tells me that she didn't even think of you or that you might like to go.

 

she sitting there, cruising the net, deciding on the movie, the time and the location of the theater and you never crossed her mind?

 

 

not to mention since they spent the entire evening together what are they going to have left to talk about over the weekend?

 

hopefully, you've read the books.