surface vs depth

[truthsister]

I have a friend whom I have been friends with off and on for 15 years. We had a 5 year break in the friendship and recently started to talk again well about 7 months ago. I am excited to be friends again but there are some things that were bothering me before that are still coming up, loveshack what is your advice?

 

It used to bother me that when we talked, she would dominate the conversation and basically ramble. I put up with it becasue I truly liked her and I am a listening. But...after while it started to grate on me before and it still is. She will talk non stop for about 2 min straight. Thats along time to not let someone talk. When other friends have mentioned this, her response is..."its not my fault you can't interject and shut me up"....(this woman is 40 y.o., not a teenager). The other thing, we don't talk about anything deep. Its mostly her going over every aspect of what it took to get up and get her kids out to school, her bills,,,man trouble..etc. I am at the point in my ilfe I want to talk about something..........meaningful. What did you read recently, what are your goals, wht motivational speakers do you like, I'm vegan what healthy foods do you like, ANYTHIN...except for a whole monolouge about what her day entailed.

 

The other things, is that she is a really really fun person to hang out with and laugh with. But when I have needed a "friend", when I had someone close to me die, when I had some medical issues come up, when my husband and I got a divorce...she was not around to comfort me AT ALL. I have known her for over 20 years. Just recently, her and her boyfriend broke up, and I texted her "hey if you need to talk, I respect your privacy but if you ever need me you know Im here for you"....not one answer about that. She answered another text that I sent her about soemthing else but not that. It bugs me that she is not at least conscious enough to know that thanking someone for extending their heart and time out like that if you need it would be apprecieated. I recently had someone tell me that..and I thanked them for the kind words and support, even though I know I would not confide in them. In my heart, I know she wouldn't talk about it with me, but I wanted to show her how I am a good friend, so, I guess I did it for me to be the best friend I can be.

 

I guess i have to accept her for her, but it bothers me about am I asking too much? I am at apoint in my life I want to have support from my friends, not just a good time. any thoughts?

[Hopeful714]

Your just different types of people.

 

I'm finding (or shall I say I have found) that I just really don't have much in common with my long time friends either anymore.

 

Like your friend, I have one who is fun to be around but it seems that her life is just one big social event after another. Speaking to her about anything emotional, important or less then positive and happy is impossible.

 

When a "heavy" topic presents itself she shuts down and can't provide support or emotional understanding. She then changes the subject to something light again. This used to bother me but now I realize it's just how she is so now I hang out with her when I feel like it... but I have also created distance as well because although I'm happy she's so happy, I get tired of hearing about all the guys she dates, happy hours, social plans, etc. when in my life I may be dealing with situations that are much less than a good time.

 

Your not asking too much. It's just that for one reason or another she is incapable of responding to you in the way you would like a her to respond. Not your fault...it's just how she is.

[whichwayisup]

She sounds like a happy go lucky friend. She can't be bothered to put in any effort and she isn't emotionally invested.

 

So, keep her as a fun friend. When you want to have a good laugh, hang out with her and don't rely on her at all for anything personal. Or you could just distance yourself.

 

Ask yourself if she's worth your time and energy.