Trying not to judge

[MsJayne]

Trying not to judge, BUT.....

A friend, (M), has teenage daughters, and it recently became known that one of them, (14 years old), has been seeing a 19YO guy who she works with. The story goes that he buys alcohol for the under-age kids he works with, and in E's case he then seduced her, and it's become a regular thing. To me this is rape, and worse as E is very young in the head and is still a giggly little girl, but M chose to do nothing. When I suggested that she contact the guys parents and explain what's been going on, and mention the words "Statutory rape, supplying alcohol to minors....", suggest they have a talk to him about morality, etc, she replied that she didn't want any drama. I perceive this as her sitting quietly by whilst her daughter is being abused. I really believe that the main reason she wants it kept quiet is because she knows that E's grandparents will hit the roof if they find out, and M knows they'll blame her. She's keeping quiet to protect her own ass.

So my problem is that I have lost all respect for M, and think she's a terrible mother. My questions....am I being too harsh on M? Should I tell her what I think or mind my own business?

[preraph]

I'd stay out of it. It's her daughter and I guess she knows the guy. Sometimes banning a teen from something only makes then worse and get into more trouble. It might be a case of she'd rather have them be open about whatever they're doing so she can see it. You never really know.

[SoleMate]

"If you have a reason to suspect a child in Queensland is experiencing harm, or is at risk of experiencing harm, you need to contact Child Safety Services https://www.communities.qld.gov.au/childsafety/about-us/contact-us

 

During normal business hours - contact the Regional Intake Service. https://www.communities.qld.gov.au/childsafety/about-us/contact-us/child-safety-service-centres/regional-intake-services

After hours and on weekends - contact the Child Safety After Hours Service Centre on 1800 177 135 or (07) 3235 9999. The service operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week."

 

I'd call the above and let the trained people make the call as to best next step. They will do their best to protect your anonymity but you will have to realize that your friendship will be at risk. Still, to help save a girl from the risks of pregnancy etc. is worth it.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I agree with SoleMate. This young girl needs help asap.

[sandylee1]

I'd tell her what you think in a sensitive way and that she has a duty as a parent to do something and protect her daughter.

 

Turning a blind eye and ignoring it, means neglected one's responsibility to safeguard that child.

 

Safeguarding is everyones responsibility

 

Infact, seeing as though her mother is failing in her duties, I'd report it directly to social services myself.

[caveman621]

OP, I agree with those who posted about going to social services or other authorities. I'm not sure of laws in Australia, but this is a CRIME! You must report it. A 14 YO would understandably be flattered by a 19 year old paying attention to her. What is wrong with him that he's getting a 14 year old drunk, seducing her and, although you don't say it I assume, having sex with her? He needs help. And the 14 YO definitely needs help. If her mother won't do it and you know FOR A FACT that this is happening, you should do what you need to do if the mother won't.

[SoleMate]

I would add that you do NOT need to know for a fact, i.e. 100% certainty beyond a reasonable doubt, to make this report. You need only have a reasonable suspicion....social workers will do the rest. No need for a private individual to apply the demanding standard used for proof in criminal prosecutions.

[MsJayne]

Thanks everyone, good advice and info.