Teasing overboard?

[youdunsay]

Do you find that some people enjoyed teasing their friends but gets sensitive and edgy when they are teased?

 

I have a friend who always like to pick me up as a target for conversational jokes but gets edgy when I cracked a cold joke or something involved her in the story. She doesn't seem to accept any jokes or words that I said and will be like "why did you say this?" "why did you do this?" on every single account. But she's a friend who was standing by me when my life was down. Why does she do this?

[youdunsay]

And there was once she was saying "yea sometimes I feel we have been quite bad to you".

[Ronni_W]

Constant hurtful 'teasing' is one form of putting other people down. People do it to make themselves feel superior over others and in control, but it's just to cover over the fact that they feel insecure and inferior.

 

True, genuine friends do not treat each other this way; they see and treat each other as equals, and they care about each others' feelings and sense of self.

 

When you were having a 'down' period in life, that also could have made your friend feel superior - or, in a way, 'better than' you because her life was going better - so, her support could actually have been coming from a negative place and a distorted view of herself and of you.

 

There is, of course, a place for joking around and being able to laugh at one's self; but, when it is too-frequent and meant to do real damage, then it's time to stop the behaviour - ask for it to be stopped - or distance yourself from the relationship(s).

 

I wouldn't try to be hurtful - call it 'teasing' or not - just because she's doing it. But, when it's truly coming from your light heart and playful side, then suggest that if she cannot take it, she needs to stop dishing it out. (A more serious conversation could be to ask her why she feels so insecure that she needs to put you down; and, why has she chosen you over whom to feel superior.)

 

Hugs, and best of luck with this.

[preraph]

Well, let's distinguish. Is she teasing or is she taking shots at you? Because I find most teasing is hostility.

[enddeck]

Next time she gets upset tell her"if you can't take it,don't dish it out".

[youdunsay]

It was like whatever I said, I did or I missed out were picked upon. Granted over the years I've improved based on their standards but I still have to be cautious of cracking the wrong jokes. Every single time she'll just withdraw and subtlely let the group feel that I was the one who said the wrong thing etc. Or perhaps I am the blip who has never been on the same tone with the group? Twenty over years in my life I have always been alone. I was never really included in friends group and this group of nine years probably has been my longest.