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Friendship Drifting Away


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Old 13th December 2016, 11:29 AM   #1
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Friendship Drifting Away

I am not too sure why it is happening but a real close friendship seems to be falling apart and possibly ending

I have been best friends with a girl for 5 years. We have been very close for most of our friendship but lately things have gotten real distant. We hardly talk anymore and almost never hang out. For much of the friendship we've talked/texted each other many times a week and hung out one or two times a week. We actually both met at a running event first year of college. We started running together and that is how we became close friends.. Last few months though we hardly text/talk and its been like pulling teeth to try and plan something simple like meeting out for lunch. I finally just gave up last month with trying to suggest plans.

Talking/texting has had a weird pattern. We'll go 2-3 weeks with hardly any communication. Then there will be a day where she starts texting me paragraph style texts all day about everything that has gone on in her life, then again we won't talk for a few weeks. I'll try to initiate conversation a few days after that but my texts are pretty much ignored until another random day where she sends 20 long texts about her life. It strange and its never been like this the 5 years we've known each other and been best friends. I even tried texting her twice last month saying, we haven't hung out in ages or talked, and both times it was ignored.

There was a running event 3 weeks ago, we both go to every year. I texted her a few days before it and asked what time she was getting there. Didn't get a response back. At the event she came up to me and a friend that I was with. She talked my ear off for 30 minutes and then before we were leaving she did the same. I tried texting her a few days after, nothing. Two week later I get the huge blow up of long texts on my phone. It's odd, like that isn't normal. I was tempted to just not even respond to them. I mentioned, hadn't heard from you lately and you never responded to my two texts, she just ignored that.

Things with us have always been platonic. We both came out of relationships this summer, so I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but really it shouldn't. Whether we are single or both been in relationships, our friendship has been constant.

So I can't figured out what may have happened, why I can't get a response from a text 9 out of 10 times or why she doesn't want to hang out. But I feel like on my end, I can't do anything.

Friendships can fade overtime, I get that, different interests develop, lives change and you move farther apart. Its happened with friends in the past. I've even had friends from years ago where things faded and now we are close friends again. This one kinda stings and feels strange.I guess its because of how close we were with each others lives, how involved in each other's life we were and how often we'd hang out and talk.

Last edited by CAlec; 13th December 2016 at 11:34 AM..
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Old 14th December 2016, 5:15 AM   #2
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okay, first of all it's bad manners for her to just go on and on about herself. pages of self. and it's equally bad manners to not respond to the questions you ask and not show any interest in your life, she just goes on about herself!!

i might be thinking that she's got feelings for you and that's why she doesn't respond, cuz it hurts her to be "around" you. but that doesn't explain the long texts all about her??? unless there is info hidden in those messages and you're just missing the hints/clues?

if you are friends, real friends, i think you're going to have to sit her down and ask her wtf?

good luck
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Old 14th December 2016, 6:32 AM   #3
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Hey :)

Could she have drifted into a mental illness, or does she have a hormone imbalance?

Does she abuse Cocaine, this would explain her erratic behaviour and rambling monologues.

She doesn't sound well and certainly becomes over aroused in your presence.

You could try find out why this is, or you could just drop it and move on.
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Old 14th December 2016, 4:22 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Miss Clavel View Post
okay, first of all it's bad manners for her to just go on and on about herself. pages of self. and it's equally bad manners to not respond to the questions you ask and not show any interest in your life, she just goes on about herself!!

i might be thinking that she's got feelings for you and that's why she doesn't respond, cuz it hurts her to be "around" you. but that doesn't explain the long texts all about her??? unless there is info hidden in those messages and you're just missing the hints/clues?

if you are friends, real friends, i think you're going to have to sit her down and ask her wtf?

good luck
Its bad manners for sure. If she was mad at me, why would she bother texting me all of this stuff? I don't get it either but I am annoyed at this point about it.

I don't know if she has feelings for me, its a possibility though. I don't know for sure, I didn't know of any hidden messages but I could have missed them, especially the last two times she did that, I just didn't really care much to read through it all considering how she had been treating me and not acknowledging my texts or pointing out her behavior.

We've been real best friends for a long time and really close, so this just doesn't seem to make sense. I'd love to sit down with her and talk about it. I am tempted to just send a text or leave a voicemail (the chances she'll actually pick up our slim) pretty much laying out her behavior and asking if she is ok, did I do something and that we really should meet to talk about this. If she ignores it or doesn't respond then really what I can do? Only option I see is to move on and accept for short term I lost a best friend.
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Old 14th December 2016, 4:35 PM   #5
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Could she have drifted into a mental illness, or does she have a hormone imbalance?

Does she abuse Cocaine, this would explain her erratic behaviour and rambling monologues.

She doesn't sound well and certainly becomes over aroused in your presence.

You could try find out why this is, or you could just drop it and move on.
Nice Avatar.

Drug use? I know her to well to know shes 100% anti recreational drug use.

That is the thing, last few times I have seen her out she seemed really happy to see me, really carried on a long conversation with me and seemed to be just like any other time before any of this started. Last 4 months, I have seen her 3 times. One was with a group of friends, one was a lunch we planned and the last time was that running event I mentioned in my original post. In each case, I texted her a day or two afterwards, once the text was ignored, the other two times she texted back a few days later, said we need to catch up but nothing more on making plans.

I think I'll make an attempted to find out what is going on via text/call and we should meet up to talk about this, if nothing comes out of this, I can't really do anything about it at that point. I'll move on, I've got other close friends, but this will sting for sure considering how close and involved in each others lived we have been for years.

I have something like this happen with a long time friend, not quite like this, but he just never wanted to meet up or do anything. So I just eventually stopped, but I found out a year later he was suffering from depression. He eventually got help, and snapped out of it, and we are close to this day. If she is dealing with something like this, all I can do is ask if she is ok, if I get nothing, I just have to move on.
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Old 15th December 2016, 1:38 AM   #6
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My best platonic friend has been the same way. He'll text me saying he's working near my house and thought we should hang out. I'll reply back suggesting a place we can grab a bite. I won't get any reply.

A week later I'll get another text WYD? I'll say nothing and again invite him out somewhere and then again no reply.........

I don't impose or chase. I do put myself out there and will make an effort but I can't force anyone to do anything.
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Old 15th December 2016, 2:03 PM   #7
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My best platonic friend has been the same way. He'll text me saying he's working near my house and thought we should hang out. I'll reply back suggesting a place we can grab a bite. I won't get any reply.

A week later I'll get another text WYD? I'll say nothing and again invite him out somewhere and then again no reply.........

I don't impose or chase. I do put myself out there and will make an effort but I can't force anyone to do anything.
I am sorry to hear you are having a very similar problem. Maybe its just me personally, but it does upset me a bit when someone I have been close to for so many years just drifts away as a friend. I can understand how you have been feeling with your best platonic friend.

You wonder if it is worth bring up the lack of hanging out/communication or if it may backfire. Have you tried to do this? My last few attempts were ignored, so I am going to make a final serious attempt and if nothing, then just like you said, you can't force anyone to do anything.

It does seem based on what you said though, your friend no longer views your a friendship as a priority in their life. That is how I am viewing my situation.
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Old 16th December 2016, 12:26 PM   #8
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So for those that have commented, is it worth me reaching out this weekend with a long text message/voicemail about how I feel about things with our friendship?

Or should I just wait until the next time I see her out or get a long series of text messages from her?

I am getting mixed advice from some friends I have brought this up to. A few think, she needs to make the effort as I have tried a bunch of times already. They think its unfair how I have been treated and its completely on her now to patch our friendship up. If she isn't willing to recognize this on her own and make an effort, the its worth walking away for awhile from this.

On the flipside a few friends said something maybe going on with her personally, and considering our long, close friendship, I should reach out to her. One friend said thought I should put it on her asking if she is ok, state I miss our friendship being close and if she needs anything let me know. Also reintegrate I am not mad at all, I am just concerned.

I get both sides which makes it hard to figure out how I want to handle this now.
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Old 16th December 2016, 8:24 PM   #9
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I agree with your friends who say that it's her turn to make an effort. You're amazing for trying so hard already! But now it's time to let her step up. If she doesn't, then she's not the kind of friend you want in your life anyway.
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Old 17th December 2016, 4:25 AM   #10
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face to face. bring your phone and show her the times she does not respond and the times that she just goes off on her monologues.
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Old 17th December 2016, 5:37 PM   #11
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What you have is either a friend who thinks you text too much or make too many demands or a friend who doesn't want a two-way friendship and just wants to talk to you when it's convenient to her needs. So you can't try to make this anything more than it is.
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Old 19th December 2016, 3:50 PM   #12
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Thanks, I have decided that at this point, I am not going to make the effort to fix our drifting apart. I really feel like I tried previous few months, and its really not in my place or control at this point.

I have decided next time she contacts me, I will be pretty bold in calling her out for her behavior. I'll keep it at if something it going on you know I am her to help but otherwise I personally deserve to be treated better or at least am owed an explanation for our behavior towards me.

It does sting but all last week no contact attempts from her at all.
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Old 20th December 2016, 5:02 AM   #13
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again, go and see her and show her the messages from her in your phone.

there is no getting around it. cards on the table, you want an explanation.

show her and ask her, "when did you lose interest in me and my life and our friendship"? "i'm tired of the all about you show".
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Old 22nd December 2016, 1:25 PM   #14
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again, go and see her and show her the messages from her in your phone.

there is no getting around it. cards on the table, you want an explanation.

show her and ask her, "when did you lose interest in me and my life and our friendship"? "i'm tired of the all about you show".
Its tough to try and see her when I can't ever get a response back to make plans. I am not going to just randomly show up at her apartment either.

The next time I see her or she contacts me, I will bring up exactly how I feel, not sugar coating it or hoping to ignore it while hoping to move forward.

If in person is the next time, and there is a decent chance of this happening soon since there are some plans over the next week going on with mutual friends, I will definitely bring it up to her and will show her the messages I sent she ignored.

I agree with you regarding the question you ask, that is exactly what I would like to ask her.
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Old 26th December 2016, 2:39 PM   #15
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Quick update. I kind of figured I was going to get some kind of communication attempt from her over the weekend with it being Christmas.

I got a quick text from her Saturday morning saying she hopes I have a good Christmas and that we need to meet up and talk this week.

I responded by wishing her a nice Christmas and said we really did need to meet up and talk as I had some stuff I needed to talk to her about in person.

She responded back by saying "Really, you too then???" And I just responded back with two days that would work this week and haven't gotten a response yet. So we'll see what happens, honestly I am not even optimistic this will happen.
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