How do I end this friendship and stop thinking about her?

[Safeguarde]

Let's call this person A. She's a good gaming buddy I met and I've spent a lot of time with person A, but I've come to realize that I think I'm just being used by her. When it first started, we would always hang out and do stuff. Spend a lot of time together, etc. We talked about stuff that was more about life and not games. Serious stuff, etc. Honestly, I've developed feelings for her, but I've since stopped that.

 

However, now, it almost seems like tooth and nail to just hang out with her. I don't know what happened, but I know she isn't that busy, as on her days off from work, it seems she'd rather be in her house playing games than doing anything with me.

 

At first, I was a little confused because we still talk all the time over call and text, but now I just feel like I'm "in arms reach", so to speak, like I'm just there to talk to when she isn't doing other stuff but she doesn't really want to hang out at all. This has been going on for several months now and I'm tired of it. I've talked to her about it, and it doesn't seemed to have helped.

 

The last straw was yesterday, my birthday, when I finally got her to play some video games with me and she wouldn't even Skype with me, because she was talking with other people also playing the game in Skype. I said that I could just join the skype call, and she said that it wouldn't be a good idea because I'd have no idea what they are talking about. I'm thinking, "wtf...its a game we are all playing and you don't want to even Skype me while doing so?"

 

Anyways, I've decided to end the friendship and cut all contact with her, but I'm having trouble not thinking about her. Any tips on what I can do to stop thinking about her and move on easier? And do you think I should even tell her the friendship is over?

 

PS. Sorry, this is also kind of a rant I guess.

[whichwayisup]

She isn't worthy of your friendship, let alone your tears.

 

Distance yourself and get busy with friends and family who love and support you, who make you feel good about yourself and make you laugh. You don't need people in your life who treat you poorly - The bigger picture here is, she isn't interested anymore, for whatever reason.

 

My advice, cry it out and allow yourself to grieve the loss and then disappear from her life. You don't owe her anything.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

[preraph]

Just realize you are not important to her and that it therefore makes no sense for you to like her too much, because she doesn't care much at all about you. You deserve someone who treats you well, and even if you miss her some way or it hurts, you need to be an adult and just block her and walk away and not let yourself hold on to someone who isn't reciprocating.

[LargoLagg]

I have a few observations:

 

1) Used? Used for what? Did you lavish her with expensive gifts? Hold on to this thought.

2) Maybe she backed off because she noticed you started to develop feelings.

3) Maybe she backed off because her bf didn't like the kind of time she was spending with you. Maybe her overly jealous bf was on that Skype call.

4) Maybe you waited too long to make her move and now she's moved on to someone who didn't have to be hit over the head with a club.

 

I don't think she's using you at all. I think that there are degrees of friendship and you don't like having been demoted from Mr. Special to Mr. Hey I Know That Guy. She might come in handy one day. She might introduce you to some other girls.

 

Isn't the knock on gamers that you lack friends because you're so busy gaming?

 

I'd say that rather than turn away in a huff, just realize that this person is not going to be your bff. Stop giving her so much attention. Stop trying to hang out with her like before. When she calls, cut if off after a minute or so. Tell her you've got to wash your hair or something. Ask her if she's got any cute friends she can set you up with. In other words, just be some guy that she knows and let her be some girl that you know. What's the harm?

 

What do you really want?

[Safeguarde]

Just realize you are not important to her and that it therefore makes no sense for you to like her too much, because she doesn't care much at all about you. You deserve someone who treats you well, and even if you miss her some way or it hurts, you need to be an adult and just block her and walk away and not let yourself hold on to someone who isn't reciprocating.

 

I am doing much better now since last Thursday. I'm not sure what you meant by "be an adult", but I think I've handled this well enough, and was just asking for some advice.

[Safeguarde]

I have a few observations:

 

1) Used? Used for what? Did you lavish her with expensive gifts? Hold on to this thought.

2) Maybe she backed off because she noticed you started to develop feelings.

3) Maybe she backed off because her bf didn't like the kind of time she was spending with you. Maybe her overly jealous bf was on that Skype call.

4) Maybe you waited too long to make her move and now she's moved on to someone who didn't have to be hit over the head with a club.

 

I don't think she's using you at all. I think that there are degrees of friendship and you don't like having been demoted from Mr. Special to Mr. Hey I Know That Guy. She might come in handy one day. She might introduce you to some other girls.

 

Isn't the knock on gamers that you lack friends because you're so busy gaming?

 

I'd say that rather than turn away in a huff, just realize that this person is not going to be your bff. Stop giving her so much attention. Stop trying to hang out with her like before. When she calls, cut if off after a minute or so. Tell her you've got to wash your hair or something. Ask her if she's got any cute friends she can set you up with. In other words, just be some guy that she knows and let her be some girl that you know. What's the harm?

 

What do you really want?

 

1) no, I did not lavish her with expensive gifts. But I noticed that when we talked on call or text, it was almost always for her to complain and bitch about something or someone. Id listen and talk about that with her. Also, whenever I talked about something in my life, whether it's complaining or good news, I'd just get a generic, no-emotion response (like "good for you") and nothing else about it. This is what makes me think I was being used.

 

2) If she's backed off because of that, we'll she's done a good job at it. As I said before, I talked with her about this, but that didn't seem to help at all.

 

3) no boyfriend, to my knowledge. And I've asked before.

 

4) I had feelings for her, but I did not want to pursue them anymore. As I said in my OP, I "stopped that".

 

You're probably correct, I didn't like having been demoted, but the way you portray this friendship is that I should use her and treat her the way I was being treated, and want some benefits out of it such as asking about her cute friends. I don't think that is healthy at all and, honestly, I'd rather just cut her out of my life than treat her like you described.

 

This wasnt just a rash decision made in a "huff" by the way. I was being treated like that for several months. I felt I really tried to keep the friendship working, but could not. So at this point, I'm just done with it.

 

As for what I really want: nothing to do with her. Oh, and as a side note, it's been nearly a week since I decided this, and I've not received so much as a "Hello" from this person (I did not bother to tell her I was ending the friendship) I think this is a good sign that my decision was right.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Safeguarde

[LargoLagg]

OK, well, if you're content with the way it turned out. Friendships wax and wane, you know? Sometimes you're in, sometimes you're out. So what I was suggesting was not necessarily that you should forever be using each other, but rather, that you go with the flow and mirror her interest.

 

One of three things will result:

 

1) She'll demote you once again, you'll get to zero eventually.

2) She'll promote you because of a perceived lack of interest.

3) She'll hang with you until you get promoted or demoted eventually.

 

Food for thought, and it doesn't have to be a girl either. It could be anyone.

 

You seem content with how this one turned out, so good for you, and good luck to you.