I have no friends, I'm lonely, and quite lost in my life

[amkxoxo]

I graduated college a few years ago and proceeded to stay in my college town, as I received a full time job at my college. I enjoy my job, but this year has been just total hell for me, in so many aspects.

 

When I moved down here I already had my best friend. She is a native here and she and I were like attached at the hip. She introduced me to other locals our age (24) and we all hit it off. It got to the point where her friends liked me so much they were inviting me everywhere with them even when my friend couldn't go. It then got to the point where I was so ingrained into the group that they would have me invite my friend places with us, and not the other way around. I was on a high. I felt popular and positive. I fit in so well, and this was something I struggled with my while life. I considered myself shy, but with these people I had an attitude and a voice. I made them laugh. I could be myself.

 

One of the guys in the group and I started dating. We had an 8 month relationship but we eventually broke up. We loved each other but our lifestyle needs were different. With the loss of him, I also lost all my friends whom were his good friends. It was like i lost a whole part of my personality.

 

I have now ben seeing my girl friend whom got me into the group, hanging out with them and doing stuff. Its hurtful that I can't. I'm not invited. My girl friend and I were best best friends, but now she seems to love the attention they give her now that I am not around. While I was dating my boyfriend, he even told me they didn't like my girl friend all that much and that they all loved me being in the group since I fit in so well. Now that my girl friend is doing everything with them she barely asks me to do anything with her. She jumps every time they ask her to do something. I feel betrayed and like she isn't loyal at all. I don't consider her my best friend anymore.

 

I've become reclusive. I stay in my house a lot. I don't make a lot of plans with people. I have some girl friends, but we all have busy schedules and I only see people once or twice a month.

 

I am shy as ever. I feel like with the loss of my ex and his friends, my personality is just so dry and faded. I miss being a strong woman with attitude. I feel like I am a meek and scared little girl. I don't trust anyone. I don't know how to meet people anymore. No one is my age, or people my age don't seem to want to have new friends as they seem to content with the ones they have. I work at a college with people whom either don't seem friendly or want to make friends, or people way younger than me, 18, 19 years old. I'm 24, and can't meet anyone my age whom wants to hangout.

 

I loved my job, until one of my co-workers decided to leave. She was my favorite. I was excited for someone new to come in though and had an open mind. My boss hired someone my age, and I thought it would be great. It's been hell. The girl was super nice to me at first, but I think it was only so I would teach her the ropes. She acts entitled and rude. She's outgoing and often overpowers my meek personality. She's popular and I have faded into the background. She also kisses my bosses butt and in tern he seems to dote on her constantly. Sometimes I even wonder if he likes her, likes her. He's a lot older than we are so its sort of gross sometimes.

 

Its been terrible. I thought I was going to get a friend out of it, but its been nothing but stress. At one point I was so upset at work my hair was falling out. This girl has made underhanded comments to me about my educational background and experience, almost telling me I needed more training, even though I've worked with this office for two years. Its frustrating. She tries to walk all over me.

 

I sit home at night and talk to my family on the phone, mainly my mom, whom is my best friend. I watch tv. Do some homework for my night classes. I teach theatre to kids some nights, but it doesn't lead to any friendships.

 

Along with my ex and his friends, I got back together with another ex briefly this year, but I should have realized he was in the past for a reason. He strung me along and wouldn't commit, so we are now over too.

 

Recently my mom had encouraged me to have an xmas party. So I planned something invited people and started preparing. Its in a few weeks. Its an all girls party because i don't know any guys to invite. I wouldn't mind meeting a man, but don't ever get the opportunity to. Everyone at my work is super old with kids and grandkids. Its hopeless. I'm getting so depressed and hating my everyday life. I'm so lonely and sad.

 

I have anxiety, I feel anxious about meeting new people. Awkward too. I wasn't like this when I was int he group. I was confident. I loved meeting new people. They would introduce me to their friends and I would be chatty and flirtatious and fun. Now I avoid people because I feel lost. People keep letting me down. Some days I feel better by myself so I don't have to be let down by friends, boyfriends, etc...

[emerald86]

Your post resonated with me so much, it may as well have been written by me.

 

If it helps, here is my story: I also had a great group of friends in college and right after I graduated. During that time I really enjoyed being around them. As you describe, I felt as if I was on a high. I felt popular, even though I am normally shy. I also dated one of the guys in the group for about a year, and right after we broke up, it was awful. Our friends still accepted both of us and I was always invited to things, but I saw that my ex fit in a whole lot better with them than I did. It just hurt seeing him all the time. I am over him now, but I still don't feel like I fit in with my friends. My personality is different from theirs, and it isn't fun for me anymore.

 

To make matters worse, another guy in the group asked me out several times, and I've rejected him every time. But one day I gave in and decided to go on a date with him just to see how it would turn out, but that date was no fun at all, and I rejected him after that for the final time. This experience caused some of the guys in our group (the guys who are close to him) to turn against me. I still can't understand why--but I'm getting over this.

 

I had a very close friend at work too! We would tell each other everything and hangout all the time. And then when she left, we just stopped talking. I never wanted to admit it, but seeing as how I didn't fit in with the other friends anymore, she was the only real friend I had as of recently.

 

I'm getting ready to make a change in my life (new job, new place). Often times, I do feel lonely and sad, but I have been forcing myself to attend meetup groups close to the place I'll be moving to. There is one particular meetup group where I've met people close to my age, a group of young professionals. They all seem nice and spend time together quite regularly. A few of them have asked me to get lunch/dinner with them on the weekends, and so I'm hoping that I can form some good friendships.

 

And now a suggestion for you: I don't know if meetup is big in your area, but perhaps you can try that? From my observation, it might take some time to get acquainted with people or find the right group for you, but it can happen, especially if you join groups aimed at specific goals or hobbies. I'm 25, and it's been great meeting people around the same age who like to do the things I do.

 

Even if you might feel awkward or anxious about meeting new people now, just remember that there was a time that you were confident and your friends liked you for who you were. You must also try your best not to pay attention to the negative comments--think about your strengths. You are so much more than those comments.

Edited November 20, 2016 by emerald86