Frustrating friend

[goldenlady]

I am 30 years old and have been friends with my so-called "best" friend for almost 20 years. I cherish the memories we have made over the years, but if I met her today, I doubt I would seek her out as a friend. Over the years, I have realized she is very self-absorbed, attention seeking, and has a pretty obsessive personality. As I said, I appreciate all of our memories together, but I have been burnt by her several times in the last few years, getting fed up, and finally seeing the friendship is toxic. I just don't get anything but frustration out of the friendship, but I am too passive/shy to speak up about it.

 

I am currently pregnant with my first child. When I first told her, she was super excited and even stated she wanted to take off the whole month of my due date to help, wanted to plan a shower, etc. Anyway, I ended up seeing a total of maybe 3 times the whole pregnancy- one of those being her birthday (oddly enough, she didn't even wish me a happy birthday in August). Life happens, people get busy, and honestly, I didn't really miss her anyway, since I was feeling so lousy from the pregnancy for the first 5 months or so and was labeled high risk for a portion of the pregnancy. I was hoping she would check in more, but I wasn't going to push it. She also knew my parents were going through health problems, so I figured she would at least inquire once in awhile, but nothing. My husband contacted her about helping him throw me a baby shower, and she never got back to him, so my husband threw me a small shower instead, which she was invited to, but did not attend.

 

Anyway, I am actually overdue and I hear from her out of the blue the other day. Apparently, she must not have known my due date because she texted me asking me how I was. At that point, we struck up a conversation that I was actually overdue, etc. She proceeded to ask if she could attend the birth and be there to help. I realize this is a nice gesture, but where have you been the whole time? I could have realistically had the baby weeks ago! I let her know I was really trying to limit visitors and already had enough birth support, but I would let her know if things changed. She didn't take that news well that I didn't want people there.

 

She has now proceeded to post on facebook every day since our conversation this weekend with a countdown about my pregnancy, and how she can't wait to be an aunt, another one about how she can't wait to help with the baby, etc. Oddly enough, getting a ton of likes and comments for it. It makes me super uncomfortable, as I don't even post much on facebook, especially about my pregnancy because I think it is a fairly private thing. Of course I won't, but I want to tell the people that are liking and commenting that she hasn't even bothered to check in with me for months until the point I was overdue!

 

How can I tell her to stop? Part of me is just done and wants to end the friendship together, but I don't want that turmoil right now in my life. I appreciate her concern, but it seems like she is making it more about herself than about my baby. I just don't get it. Do I just become brutally honest or do I lay low and ignore? I want as little drama as possible, but her behavior is bothering me and stressing me out!

Edited November 15, 2016 by goldenlady
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[Herbalist]

My advice is to just ignore it and focus on you, your health and your needs and your baby, and the next time she tries to wriggle back into your life, just ignore that, too.

 

She sounds a little histrionic from what you describe, so asking her to stop would most likely just be seen as a source of big drama and attention in her eyes.

 

Being a new parent is a very rewarding and magical time, but it's also a very exhausting time! With lots of new stress and challenges. Let your maternal instincts guide you. Is it ultimately going to bad for your child? Then screw it! And if something is draining you and stressing you out, that can easily carry over into your parenting role. So again, screw it! Time to put you and your baby first, and never feel guilty for doing so.