Forgiveness

[mortensorchid]

I am a woman, and many of you have either experienced this first hand or have witnessed it from a distance that women can be caddy and jealous. I have since determined that I am not one of those women who should be with a group or even an individual woman friend. Some find a reason to be jealous of me even if none exists on the surface. I remember a fall out that really shattered me years ago...

 

I was friends with two women I worked with. I was going through party time of the early/ mid twenties, and they were jealous of it. Which was odd because both of them had a serious bf that she lived with and the other was married to her high school sweetheart. One day, the first, who I will call Martha, invited me to a party. I brought my new bf who I would be with for the next two years with me, and that turned out to be the last time I saw her. She then months later wrote me a scathing hot email ranting about how horrible I am, how she hated me, and how she hated what I had become. When I went to the second and told her what had occurred via email, at first she said she had no knowledge of it. Then she wrote me another email telling me of all my bad points. I responded with a "F*** both of you, I'm not going to change!". And walked away. It changed me afterward, realizing you can't trust anyone, especially women and certainly not coworkers, as friends.

 

Seven years later, I heard the second woman, who I will call Karen, and her husband divorced. They had been together for 18 YEARS - the one and only man she had ever been with. He got cancer and she went out and cheated on him. I was outraged that she was such a hypocrite. I was also outraged that Martha, the first girl, all of a sudden got pregnant after being with her bf for years, married him, had their son, then cheated on him as well. She is also divorced today, but she is remarried because she does not stand alone but needs the man to help support her financially. I hear she is engaged to be married.

 

When Karen and her husband divorced, I reached out to her in the MySpace days. I said I heard through the grapevine and I just read her blog. And I was sorry to hear about her and her husband, divorce is terrible no matter who it's happening to. She responded, saying thanks it was horrible. And she always felt bad about what happened between me, her and Martha. I told her I forgave her long ago. Things change, life goes on, we're different people today. There were good things about our relationship, we were no longer friends and we won't be again. But I forgave her. Martha? I said I don't know about Martha, she really used a lot of people and continues to. I said you made a decision to keep Martha as your friend and not me, maybe you regret it today, but it's what it is. She said thanks, that meant a lot to hear that. And we have not spoken since.

 

The moral of the story? Practice forgiveness people. Even if the other person doesn't deserve it (which neither party did or does). It's for your piece of mind rather than theirs. It's hard to but remember they are out there living their lives and you are stuck in emotional prison if you let it linger. Just a thought on past friendship that may have ended badly.

Edited October 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Nowty V]

I like that, although the third paragraph is a bit confusing, who is married and who is engaged?

 

Your message is spot on, forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness.

 

Carrying bitterness about things [you can not change] will only make you ill.

 

Find some forgiveness and get some inner peace in your life.

[thecrucible]

I think I could handle forgiveness years in the future and if I genuinely believe they have become a better person but not otherwise. I just find it very difficult indeed as I have a lot of pride.

[Arieswoman]

I agree with the above ^^ #3 - although I don't think it's necessarily a matter of pride, more of self-respect.

 

If someone is genuinely remorseful and tries to make amends then I would forgive them without question - after all, we have all screwed up at some time or another

 

However, if they just go on their own sweet way without a qualm then, no, I wouldn't forgive them. I believe these people aren't deserving of my forgiveness - or my time for that matter.

 

I would just move on and forget about them

[preraph]

I think you forgive for yourself so you're not carrying that anymore. I think it's best done away from the person you're forgiving so they can't repeat their behavior, because they often do.

 

I have a friend whose husband has had terminal cancer for about 5 years, and she is cheating on him. Not only is she cheating on him, but she started trying to pry about one of my exes to find out how to reach him, who is also married, and now I don't trust either of them anymore. He denies she's contacted him but she acts like she's trying to let me know she always wanted him from 35 years ago and asking his last name and trying to basically assign proprietorship over him by lying and saying she knew him even before I did and was interested and I think she must have had sex with him. But we were living together (she and I) and he was married before I knew him and she didn't meet him until we were dating and I brought him over. So she's lying trying to justify wanting to get in touch or something she's already done with him. She's diagnosed bipolar and narcissistic and her husband has been an absolute rock for her and in no way deserves this, so I am very disappointed in her and I hate her for making me now wonder if my ex is also this lowly.

[Satu]

"I forgive myself for thinking that I needed to forgive myself."