Friends were my friends when I was poor?

[b18c1]

Up to being 30 years old, I have been relatively struggling and poor.

 

I had some really good long term friends (2 of them) that I was always been greatful for.

 

Strange enough, now that I am doing way better than I have ever been (not perfect but I am in the best setup i have ever been), these same caring friends seems to be really condescending towards me now.

 

I feel they are comfortable with me struggling and being poor and the friendship was only based on that.

 

One of them in particular, is very successful and he has even negatively talked about me to many of the same friends we have which is not his character (or I thought it wasn't). One of our mutual friends told me this and I was deeply saddened by it. Out of respect, I just ignored it.

 

Now it's to a point where these friends have become very condescending openly in front of me but in a passive aggressive way.

 

I hung out with a big group of friends and he is pretty much the most popular person I know and it was obvious that whatever has been said about me to everyone, is everywhere.

 

Texts are not replied too, being flaked or not even invited to things anymore. Honestly, I am saddened by all of this as I can see my friends were used to me being unsuccessful and have had a hard time of adapting to me being successful.

 

I know for a fact they are not jealous. I consider them to be more successful than me. I don't party or socialize a lot either as I am trying to catch up with retirement and to buy a home. I am also a single father with 100% custody so I have lots of responsibilities on my shoulders.

 

Is there a article or a book that can help me decipher what is going on here? I did read an article before of a situation like I am experiencing where it described where certain friends like to be in the "looked up" position. Do you happen to know the name of this social relationship?

[StalwartMind]

There are plenty of things you can do, however you may not want or wish to do them. We all perceive things in different ways, and that also includes what we are willing to put up with.

 

Everything you described about these, or rather this said friend, does not sound like a friend to me. If you care about someone, which would typically be a friend, family member or significant other, then you don't talk about them in negative ways, especially behind their back. That is the sign of a coward although I'm positive that people like this feel it's totally justified from their point of view.

 

You say that out of respect, when you were told this by another friend, you chose to ignore it. That's not respect, that's being disrespectful to yourself. The amount of times I've seen others ignore themselves, or try to brush things off which should be of importance, yeah I can't tell you a single time where that has lead to something good. I get that people can get afraid of taking action and confronting others, but would you rather have a genuine friendship or one which is fake and possibly build upon eggshells?

 

The problem with people and life is that we will never truthfully know what anyone thinks, and everything we are told could be bull**** as well. That's why we all have to choose who we want to invest our time in. Depending on if you are more introverted or extroverted of nature, what you expect of friendships can vary greatly as well. From what you've written it seems like your friend quite possibly is an extrovert, and again depending on the exact personality, things like status, image and feeling better than others can be of great importance to their ego. Some people need to feel better than others in order for their life to have meaning, which I personally can't relate to at all, but I understand it's a real thing and that's what you have to accept if you choose to be around such individual. Mind you, this might not be the case here at all, but you can learn a lot about others through their action as well as inaction.

 

I don't know what to recommend you, that would actually require a lot more details. Perhaps talking to someone professionally would be an option as well, but again it all depends on how much you want to figure things out and how much you do care. Many people claim to care, but when they realize the amount of effort they have to put into things, they choose to quit. The brutal short version from my own perspective is that you could do with much better friends, or rather eliminate anyone from your life who has no intention of supporting and caring about you. Great people lift others up, and that simply does not seem to be the case with your situation. It is however up to you as to how you choose to approach this, just don't do something which you know makes you unhappy. Whatever you think you are able to put up with is your choice, but I guarantee you there are better individuals out there who would make better friends.

[preraph]

Your so-called friends there were making themselves feel big by making you feel small, so now that you're also successful, you don't feed their egos anymore. You need to find new friends. They sound terrible.

[Buddhist]

I can confirm that your experience is real. Human relationships aren't built on love and understanding a lot of the time. They are built on the neurosis of the individuals involved. When the dynamic changes so too does the relationship.

Sounds like you were their little charity project and now they can't call you that. Yes it's time to make new acquaintances.

[whichwayisup]

Dump those friends, they don't have your back and are probably jealous that you're succeeding and doing well. They feel they are 'better' than you and that's not healthy nor is it nice. Find new friends.

[b18c1]

Thanks for all these responses. They have helped me quite a bit.

 

I understand that the dynamic has changed. I am still respectful towards them but I have learned to simply be independant and hang out with others.