Jump to content

Negative friend?


GirlAsksGuy

Recommended Posts

Hello all,

 

How do you guys deal with friends that have chips on their shoulders? I have a friend that is intelligent, independent, and pretty funny. But this person always has something negative to say about the world around them. (could be on any topic) It's not like I provoke these conversations. For ex: my friend and I were watching TV and I can't count on my hands how many negative comments were uttered. I don't know if it's depression or victim complex, or if that's how they are as a person. Either way, it is starting to bother me, and I find myself distancing from this person. I am wondering if I should be upfront and straight up ask them why and how without trying to offend them? I'm not really a confrontational person, but this is bothering me.

 

Thanks!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there,

 

I have a friend who is very similar. He is extremely intelligent, funny, and easy to get along with. However, he seems to make a negative comment/joke about any and everything. It could be something someone is eating or it could be the way someone is driving. He's not really a "jerk" about it, but he can be quite negative in a witty and sarcastic way. His last girl friend actually dumped him because of it.

 

Some people just view the world through a different lens. I think deep down, he is a sad and angry guy, but there is no need in trying to diagnose the problem. His negativity doesn't bother me, but it bothers most people.

 

He isn't going to change and neither is your friend. You can try bringing it up and letting her know how you feel about it, but don't expect anything out of her. It's likely just "who she is". Say your peace, if it continues to bother you, continue distancing yourself until you feel comfortable.

 

FYI this same guy friend I am telling you about betrayed me pretty bad recently. So, just keep an eye out for negative people like that. They can become toxic and before you know it, they are negatively affecting you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some people with flawed self-esteem make a steady habit of knocking things and people and authority, anyone with money and certain celebs, and pretty much everyone because when they criticize them, for one minute it makes them feel superior to them, but that feeling doesn't last, so they keep doing it for the momentary boner. The choose to see themselves as "ironic," and if you complain they will try to make you feel stupid for not understanding their irony and wit. One guy I knew was a declining alcoholic and he went from just tolerable downhill to downright intolerable over his lifetime.

 

I have had limited, if somewhat delayed, success at partially muffling some of those people by telling them in an offhand way about the self-esteem connection to putting others down and just letting them sit with that for awhile. It's kind of like the anger thing. Once you find out anger is usually about fear, then you are a little embarrassed to blow your top.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a friend just like that. I understood why when she told me her life story, but that didn't make it any better. She had other people in her life who complained about it as well.

 

We're not friends anymore, but it never occurred to me to bother asking her to stop because I knew it was just who she was. I never knew her when she wasn't negative so I couldn't even imagine what she'd be like if she did stop.

 

I would just do the slow fade. Sometimes they don't realize they're being negative and don't necessarily know how to stop.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...