Getting a whiff of an affair within my social group

[Standard-Fare]

Within a group of my friends, there is "George" (married man with two children) and "Elena" (single mom of two kids, after divorce). I'm friends with both.

 

George and Elena have some common social ties dating back to high school, and now as adults live in the same neighborhood. George and his wife offer a great deal of support to Elena, and all of their children are constant companions, growing up almost like cousins.

 

Over the past couple of years, I've sometimes noticed a vibe between George and Elena that makes me uncomfortable. Some examples:

 

Once I witnessed a heated fight between the two of them that, after it resolved, turned into physical playfulness: George picked up Elena and slung her over his shoulders, as both of them were laughing. (George's wife wasn't present, but others were.)

 

I've noticed Elena kissing George on the cheek to say goodbye...although Elena is an affectionate person and has done this to me (her female friend) before too.

 

I know that George occasionally comes over to Elena's place alone and smokes pot with her for a while as he's picking up his kids. (And let's not turn this into a judgment on that - yes, George is a pothead, but that's not the point of this story.)

 

Recently in a group setting, the two of them were sitting next to each other on a couch and I couldn't help but notice their bodies were touching. Elena's was sitting cross-legged and her bare feet pressed against George's bare thigh. I've seen similar things in the past.

 

George's wife, who is also my friend, must be aware of some of this vibe but I'm not sure how much, or the degree to which it bothers her. In the latter incident, she was right there in the same room. I thought I felt a tension in the air, but it might have been in my head.

 

So I'm getting this whiff of "inappropriate" I don't like, but I don't know what to do with my discomfort. An affair between George and Elena would be catastrophic for all involved. I'm not even assuming that's happening, but I'm getting the sense of lines being crossed.

 

While I'd love to talk to George's wife honestly about how she feels, I'd never dare. I assume it's just best to let her handle this as she sees fit, and keep my nose out of it? She does witness some of these interactions. My only concern is the stuff of this nature that goes on without her knowledge, which may not allow her the full picture.

Edited September 12, 2016 by Standard-Fare
grammar

[ASG]

You need to stay out of it. They are doing all of that well in the open and in front of his wife. If there is an issue, I'm sure they've discussed it. And if there isn't an issue, then it really is none of your business.

[jen1447]

Any chance they're open and they're all in on it? Anyway yeah, it's really nothing to stick your nose into, all things considered. It might be diff if you only saw this when the wife wasn't around and figured she had no idea, but as it is, if she wants your input she'll bring it to you.

[Arieswoman]

SF,

I agree with others, keep out of it.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but I can't see you achieving anything productive by sticking your oar in...

[Standard-Fare]

Yep, thanks for the input everybody. I think I just needed to hear confirmation of what I believed was right.

 

I agree there's no productive way for me to address my unease here. I'll just continue gaping from afar!

 

And P.S. @jen, no it's definitely not an open marriage situation.

[Standard-Fare]

This doesn't change anything at all, but let me add a couple more details:

 

With the "heated fight" I mentioned above, where George picked Elena up, the two of them disappeared to a room together for a little after then later emerged red-faced and kind of eying each other. My deepest gut feeling was that something sexual happened - not sex, but something.

 

Again, George's wife wasn't around for that and I guarantee George wouldn't have behaved that way if she was. Me and two other friends who were there just pretended it wasn't happening - it was too awkward to acknowledge.

 

Additionally, I know George has spent the night at Elena's with his kids, while his home was being fumigated. But obviously his wife (who was out of town) must have known and green-lighted that, lord knows why.

 

George's wife did once tell me about me of a nightmare she had where her house was ramsacked by a wild animal - but later she found out that it was actually Elena. I remember getting a bad feeling when she told me that.

[preraph]

It's not your business, but I wouldn't pretend not to notice and just let them get more comfortable cuddling in public in front of the wife either. I wouldn't say anything but I'd probably throw some looks. But it's certainly not your duty or place to intervene. Someone else will do that eventually IF they aren't determined to look the other way.

[Mr Cage]

How would you feel if that was your husband. Would you want to know? Dam sure I would! In fact, as a friend, I'd hope you have enough respect for me to raise a concern.

 

I get why people say "not your place" and to an extent, I'd have to agree. But, if you think something has happened, Time to say something don't you think?

[Midnight_Madness]

Hi,

 

This type of experience is uncomfortable and can be/ might already be detrimental to George's relationship and your friendship group as a whole. He however is a grown man and so Is Elena (a grown woman) and therefore have the right to do what they want.

 

I recommend discussing this with a close friend and hearing their opinion on the matter. If the situation escalates and you want to tell the wife then it is something you can do knowing you are not the only one thinking the situations that have been occurring are wrong.

 

Best of luck in the future ?.