Friends staying distant?

[Rivan]

Hi, this is my first post, I just needed some advice. Sorry if this is a long post.

 

I have two good friends in an online gaming forum, a girl and a guy around my age (early twenties). The guy is quite nerdy and very smart and self-controlled, while the girl is quite open and kind of raunchy. I was friends with the guy for at least two years and being both introverted, we were the closest thing we had to each others best friend. The girl then joined, and though I never said anything, I started developing feelings for both of them, as we were talking and sharing stuff every day. The three of us would stay up late talking about everything.

 

Eventually, I found out they had feelings for each other and started a long distance relationship. For the next three weeks I was at the lowest point in my life, barely able to muster the energy to get out of bed in the morning. She ultimately developed feelings for me too, and eventually they broke up and it became a three-way long distance relationship which gave way to the highest point in my life. The guy still treated me as a very close friend, but was never comfortable being any closer than that, though he said he considered it.

 

Long story short, though, I became increasingly clingy to the guy specifically due to an outbreak of anxiety issues and severe depression, and because life happened and I saw them less and less. I became convinced he was avoiding me and talked to me less and less, blowing me off or seemingly ignoring me and I kept getting angry, despite knowing he was actually busy. This eventually pissed the girl off and she said she wanted a break and not to contact her. He said it didn't bother him and that we were still friends. I didn't go back online for 6 months, and went on anti-depressants. I don't think they are in a relationship anymore either, but I'm not sure.

 

She has said she isn't angry anymore when I contacted her, and doesn't mind me, but I get the sense that both are actually avoiding me when I'm online. Its always hard to work out what the guy is thinking, but he doesn't come down and talk to me anymore like he used to. He spends his time with other friends. He's responsive, though mostly about admin stuff, and both are still listed as a friends on all my other accounts. I haven't spoken to either directly for half a year. Every time I see them I get butterflies, because they were once the closest people in my life (which is sad I know) and now I feel like they hate my guts.

 

I wish we could just go back to being friends, but I'm terrified its no longer possible. For various reasons I can't actually cut ties with them, and I'm too busy in real life to go out and make friends like I used to, so these guys are all I have. What should I do?

 

TL;DR Got too close to my friends and now they don't seem to want to talk to me.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Rivan

[MsJayne]

You need to stop placing so much emphasis on online relationships. I know young people have grown up in a cyber environment, but to become so dependent on online friends is very unhealthy. I can't figure out from your post whether you've ever actually met either of these people in person, if you haven't then it's all the more reason why you need to switch off your computer and go outside and inhale some oxygen. Maybe get some counselling if you can.

[thecrucible]

Online relationships can work well and indeed there are a few people I first met online and became friends with.

 

But to reiterate the above, it's best not to put too much stock in online friendships. You really don't know the people you are getting involved with. I wouldn't be drawn into any kind of cycle of online drama either. It's just not worth it. Remember if people get too toxic and you don't want to be in contact anymore, it's okay to cut ties and delete them from your life so to speak. Okay that sounds a little bit dramatic but you might think about adjusting the impact online communications has on your life and re-shifting the balance to what's going on irl.

 

Some of the online friendships I made as a teenager are still going on but they're more in the background and I only check in with them from time to time. I didn't consciously disconnect with them so much as life happened. You will no doubt experience this yourself in time OP.