What do you do when someone shows 0 interest?

[thecd]

I have a friend we can refer to as the B-man. I had some of the best times of my life with this guy, in childhood and up until high school. I think I can speak the same for him, well, at least to a certain point. We sort of went our own ways after school, but still bump in to each other now and then.

 

He's sort of a gipsy that goes with the flow, a free thinking type philosopher. Mutual friends have confirmed that he is indeed hard to get a hold of and is quite a random, spontaneous person.

 

Anyways, it's been at least 5 times that I've bumped into him randomly at bars and concerts (we have several mutual friends) and he says time after time yeah let's hang out when I ask. He says he is open to it. But then when I call him or message him he never answers. He never ever contacts me. It hurts my feelings. What's worse is that I've straight up told him that if he doesn't want to hang out or doesn't like me that's cool, I'd leave him alone, but he never says anything of the sort. He just says he is busy but I feel lead on and lied to. Perhaps he just doesn't like confrontation. He's a really nice guy and I admit to being more aggressive (in general) then him...maybe that's a turn off for him? Of course I don't know because we don't speak and every time we do it's honky dory...

 

Nearly every time we've hung out we had amazing times, and still to this day I have never had such chemistry with another human. I miss hanging out with him a lot.

 

I'm just having a hard time getting over this. It's always been platonic but damn it it makes me very sad.

 

What do you when someone says they want to hang but never makes any effort?

 

I feel like so much time has passed that for me to express my emotions to him over text would be nonsensical...but maybe not if I am the one affected by it.

 

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. I know I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to , I just wish I had some clarity here. Thank you.

Edited August 31, 2016 by thecd

[preraph]

He is not at all interested in you romantically, at all. He doesn't want any confrontation because you really don't know each other well enough for that and besides you have friends in common and he doesn't want to just tell you to leave him alone for those reasons. He is only being polite when you suggest things and has no intention or desire to follow through. No one should have to do that to you more than once for you to get the hint. He is not at all interested in you and you need to leave him alone and forget about him and move on. You are NOT destined to be together just because you like him. You are not entitled to be with him just because you like him. The feeling isn't mutual. I'm sorry. Does he have to blow up at you for you to get the message? He's told you over and over with his actions he's not interested.

[central]

You move on. Or keep him as a friend, but expect nothing more.

[todreaminblue]

i feel you should look at the reasons why you are so bent on someone who gives you nothing back.search yourself for the reasons why it means so much to you...search your heart.......and then try and seek out people who give you something in return..concentrate on them ...spending time with them..as far as your zero friend goes....let it be..accept them for who they are and respect if they wanted to spend time with you they would.......if they come around .....go from there...but dont chase them.......i wish you well....deb.......

[Nowty V]

I just wish I had some clarity here.

 

I'll give you some clarity

 

Leave him alone.

 

Anything else is an unwarranted invasion. If you do see him don't ask to hang out, that way you won't be disappointed. [and you won't give him an unnecessary obligation to come up with an answer]

[basil67]

What do you when someone says they want to hang but never makes any effort?

 

I find that it's not an uncommon experience. I've had casual friends where we both say it as a friendly courtesy but we both know that we don't mean it.

 

I've had casual friends where we say it and both of us really mean it, but life just gets in the way.

 

And I've got real friends where we see each other as promised.

 

In short, this guy is probably just a casual friend who either says it as a social nicety or is simply too busy. And there's no point in questioning if a person wants to be your friend - even if they don't want to be your friend, they will probably have far too many manners to actually say so. The only people who'd say it out loud are those who actively dislike you.

 

Just learn to not expect anything of him and you won't be disappointed.