Friend has been distant

[Dork Vader]

I have a good friend her name is Lauren. Long story short the last week she had been some what distant. Some of it stems from her going through a divorce, starting a new job and being a single parent.

 

That said she has been straight up ignoring me at times through text messages. I just started chantix (a medication to help me quit smoking). One of the side effects of chantix are that it can mess with your moods/head a bit. I have been extremely moody in part because of the medication and in part because I've gone from smoking 2-3 packs a day to none in a week. So the lack of nicotine has made me moody.

 

Anyways, Thursday night she tried to get me to go to a "friends" birthday dinner. I did not want to participate in it because, it was with a bunch of AA people. I have recently quit AA I was dating someone in the program it did not work and things have been messy. It's made me extremely uncomfortable around AA and the people who are in it. Never mind the fact that many of those who were at the party completely abandoned me when me and my ex split. She kept pushing it and I finally told her that it was not going to happen and the reasons why.

 

She did say she was worried about me but the conversation kind of ended shortly after. Earlier in the week she just disappeared and completely ignored a few messages I sent her.

 

Fast forward to tonight and I asked her if she was up set with me she said no, just busy. I said okay, I got fed up with people posting pictures of my ex on Facebook and tossing it right in my face so I deactivated my Facebook account. I told her she asked why I explained it to her. But then I went on to tell her that I was having a difficult time with loneliness, and some other things, that I was also having some issues with my family business and things were not looking good right now. 4 hours later and she has not responded.

 

I'm slightly hurt by her just ignoring me. She has openly admitted that she completely forgot about the messages I sent her.

 

There is a bit more to it as well. She has abandonment issues, and something similar to this happened before. She got out of control with tinder and the guys on it and started to neglect our friendship. I have a feeling that is partly what is going on now.

 

When I get a response from her I'm ready to really tell her to take a hike. I get that she might be busy, but so busy that she completely ignores/forgets to respond? So busy that she can't even acknowledge me when I say I need help?

[porta77]

I notice throughout your post you make a LOT of excuses for her.

Time to reassess and decide whether you really want to continue this "friendship".

[JewelD]

Well first, stop texting and pick up the phone if it's that important. It's easy to forget texts if you're a working adult with other things going on. It's also possible she has stuff going on in her life and was wrapped up in that. Shouldn't take it personal.

 

She's going through a divorce and starting a new job, sounds like she's got a lot on her plate. Leaning on her for support during this rough time is probably not the best idea. You don't have anyone else you can talk to?

 

How much of your frustration can be attributed to your lack of nicotine and Chantix? Your expectations of your friend seem pretty high considering the events in her life right now. If I was going through that, I'd probably want to ignore someone laying their problems on me as well.

[porta77]

She has been/will be going thru a divorce for awhile. There will always be something.......everyone has things on their plate. True friends don't just become distant.

 

 

I don't believe she hasn't had 5 minutes to touch base with you. For whatever reasons she doesn't value the friendship as much as you do.

 

 

Time to give her space....find new friends. Or let her call the shots and communicate on HER terms.

[Dork Vader]

I know what is going on. We talked Sunday, long story short her excuse was she does not know how to help me because I won't take her advice. I told her I do take the advice, but you're right I won't take the suggestions about getting involved in AA again. It's just not going to happen unless I relapse.

 

I told a little acknowledgement would have been nice and that it was wrong of her to just straight out ignore. That I understood she was busy and so on.

 

With out going into much detail, she's found another "man" and he's got all her attention now. I'm slowly getting the boot. I decided to block her number and just move on with my life.

[NTV]

I think that's a good call.