What is wrong with him?

[E_13]

Hi, I'm going through a lot of difficult times with this story. Since I have to give you a few details to understand the whole situation, I'll start at the beginning.

 

I met this guy in December 2014. I knew him before but had nothing special to do with him. We started hanging around an got really close. We went out every weekend, wrote messages every day. He had a girlfriend at that time and it was okay for me. He still had a lot of time. During summer holidays we met almost every day, he slept at my place a lot. At that point his girlfriend started to irritate him. I had a few family issues at this moment and having him around helped me a lot. So later he broke up with his girlfriend and started to try to get every girl he saw. I started to feel sad about the situation and my feelings for him, since I couldn't really understand them. It was so clear for me that this would never ever work out. So I just valued the friendship more and it was okay for me to deal with it.

Everything was fine until December 2015. He started to have less time for me. Answering me he was tired and didn't want to go out or a lot of other excuses. But we still met a lot so it was fine... January 2016 he started to take real distance. That's when I found out that he was seeing another girl, not really sure it was his girlfriend, more like an affair. At that point I asked him if there was a reason that I'm not allowed to join anymore, and he also started to lie a lot. We discussed that, and he's not really into talking. So point is : friend and girlfriend have to be separated. But he's telling me he's still there for me and a lot of other stuff that obviously isn't true.

I couldn't handle that situation anymore, him letting me down for a girl, since he knew I really needed him and how important he was for me. So one day I just broke down, telling him everything I felt, why it hurt me so much. He acted like he didn't care at all. He only told me that the two of us would never be together. He started to be real mean an cold to me after that. He told me that I got to close from him, from his relationships and that's why he blocked. He isn't the kind of guy showing feelings and stuff. He opened much more to me in one year than to anybody else. He showed me that he wasn't that bad guy he always pretend to be. I'm pretty sure it's how he protects himself. There a signs, eye contact or gestures that don't lie about him being really happy with me.

 

Two weeks ago we had kind of a fight, but at least things a clear now, he finally managed to be honest to me. His problem is that i went to far into his life. He blames me for not getting happy with girls. He thinks I influence him. When I told him that I couldn't get along with his girlfriend, for a few reasons, he started thinking about it, and started to be also annoyed and broke up with her. I couldn't know this would influence him. He's a big boy, he should have his own opinion. In fact I think that if something like that could change his mind, it wasn't the right girl. He also is very upset about me asking friends what's wrong with him. He doesn't understand that I did it to understand why he's acting like an ******* to me. He doesn't understand he hurt me a lot since he just left me at a moment in my life I really needed him. He told me that it's not his fault if I have family issues. He may forget that I was ALWAYS there for him when he had problems or needed help. He's starting to get really egoistic.

what I think is that he opened too much to me, and that scares him. He said that I got to close, but he let me get this close, he never did that before so he might be afraid.

 

So now we're at a point where we barely say hi to each other. He has that new girlfriend he knows for one week and it's already biiiig love, so he doesn't need me anymore.

 

I'm asking myself a lot of questions. Actually I don't know what's killing me the most: knowing that we will never be together, or losing him as my best friend.

It's even harder because we are clearly made for each other, everybody says that, everybody asks him if he is aware how lucky he can be to have a girl like me. I'm pretty sure he isn't. I don't know what he's looking for in these girls. I guess it's the feeling of being loved, being wanted, he's appreciating, Pretty sure this cannot be love.

 

The fact that we could be happy together is hunting me. Because we really were happy. Every time we had to go somewhere he was more excited about me joining him than his girlfriend. What if he just won't admit that we could be happy together, what if he doesn't see happiness is right in front of him but he's too busy catching every girl he sees?

[elaine567]

Stop writing a love story in your head, he merely uses you for sex and attention when he doesn't get it elsewhere.

 

YOU are not "made for each other", he keeps getting new gfs as to him you are not relationship material. You cannot change that.

 

He will one day find a girl he wants to marry but you will still be there in the sidelines and he will still use you for a ready supply of sex and to boost his ego, he will get married, he will go on the honeymoon, he will have kids No1, kid No2, you will watch in pain as he gets a nice house and goes on family holidays and you will still be there waiting for that crumb...

One day the penny will drop, he is never going to leave her, never going to be yours and you will have wasted the best years of your life.

Realise that and get out now.

[anika99]

You cant be best friends with a person you are romantically in love with, it will only lead to heartache for you. While its crappy that he hurt you and I'm not defending that, he is right to back away from this friendship as he just doesn't share your feelings.

 

Everything you said about him not normally being able to open up and get close to someone might be true which may also mean that the only reason he let himself get close to you was because he saw you as a safe friend rather than a romantic interest. If he was letting your opinions influence him then again he is right to put some distance between the two of you as he knows he needs to grow up and start being independent.

 

No sense in sitting around romanticizing your relationship with him. The fact that he doesn't feel the same way you do means that he can't possibly be the one for you.

[preraph]

Once someone who trusts you as a friend finds out you're actually romantically interested in them, they get creeped out because unless you've been sleeping with the guy this whole time, it isn't honest. If you have been sleeping with him the whole time, well, sounds like he's been right up front that you're not his girlfriend because he's letting you know he's dating around.

 

He doesn't see you as a girlfriend and he knows keeping you around is also blocking him from getting the girlfriends he wants. You can't presume you know you're perfect together, because he doesn't feel that way, and it's disrespectful to presume you know better than he does who he's attracted to. You should pack up and move on, totally.