Aisling.25 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) I need someone to answer this question for me because my friend is giving me a headache with his decisions. His ex girlfriend cheated on him and then got with the guy who she cheated on him with. This was 2 years ago and he still wants her back. I'm just dumbfounded. He tired getting with other girls but he panics that he is getting close to someone and runs. But recently he has meet this gorgeous girl that is so sweet and funny. And he already admitted when he is with her he forgets all about his ex that he likes her. But Again he started to distant himself from her but she wasn't having any of it. Even tho I told him not too he told this girl that he wants his ex back and still loves his ex but is not in love with her. The girl obviously not what she wanted to hear just said that's it and that she wants nothing to do with him deleted him from everywhere. For once I actually saw him get upset over someone else like he is hurt this other girl walked away.So it does look like to me he has got feelings for this new girl. [His] ex was horrible to him. Master manipulator, cheater always told him that he's never to cheat on her even tho she was texting every man going. Why on earth would he want someone like that back? For once on this site it's not my problem that I'm crying about but Im really worried about him especially since he's putting his happiness on hold and I honestly think he found a girl that could be the one and he does deserve somebody to treat him good but he won't even give her a chance to show him that he could love her. Why would you want a cheater back? Would you ever be able to trust them again ? Is it self esteem, because they were rejected they can't get over it or obsession ? Edited March 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 It's called "love" it's not known for being a rational emotion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Oxytocin makes people do dumb things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) I need someone to answer this question for me because my friend is giving me a headache with his decisions. His ex girlfriend cheated on him and then got with the guy who she cheated on him with. This was 2 years ago and he still wants her back. I'm just dumbfounded. He tired getting with other girls but he panics that he is getting close to someone and runs. But recently he has meet this gorgeous girl that is so sweet and funny. And he already admitted when he is with her he forgets all about his ex that he likes her. But Again he started to distant himself from her but she wasn't having any of it. Even tho I told him not too he told this girl that he wants his ex back and still loves his ex but is not in love with her. The girl obviously not what she wanted to hear just said that's it and that she wants nothing to do with him deleted him from everywhere. For once I actually saw him get upset over someone else like he is hurt this other girl walked away.So it does look like to me he has got feelings for this new girl. [His] ex was horrible to him. Master manipulator, cheater always told him that he's never to cheat on her even tho she was texting every man going. Why on earth would he want someone like that back? For once on this site it's not my problem that I'm crying about but Im really worried about him especially since he's putting his happiness on hold and I honestly think he found a girl that could be the one and he does deserve somebody to treat him good but he won't even give her a chance to show him that he could love her. Why would you want a cheater back? Would you ever be able to trust them again ? Is it self esteem, because they were rejected they can't get over it or obsession ? It's a form of low self worth or low self esteem. He hasn't been able to move on from her because he is waiting for her to come back and validate him. She made a mistake, he is important to her, she loves him. His ego hasn't been able to recover (being cheated on is extremely damaging takes a long time for someone to get over). He probably feels if he could get her back it would prove to himself that he was worthy of her and not thrown away like trash. He matters. If he hasn't been able to recover in two years perhaps he needs some counselling to help him move past it and restore some of his self esteem. He obviously hasn't managed to do that yet. He is pushing these other women away to leave himself open to his ex. Sounds like he is afraid of moving on and letting go of the past so instead he is clinging to it. Self preservation but also self destructive. Edited March 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aisling.25 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) It's a form of low self worth or low self esteem. He hasn't been able to move on from her because he is waiting for her to come back and validate him. She made a mistake, he is important to her, she loves him. His ego hasn't been able to recover (being cheated on is extremely damaging takes a long time for someone to get over). He probably feels if he could get her back it would prove to himself that he was worthy of her and not thrown away like trash. He matters. If he hasn't been able to recover in two years perhaps he needs some counselling to help him move past it and restore some of his self esteem. He obviously hasn't managed to do that yet. He is pushing these other women away to leave himself open to his ex. Sounds like he is afraid of moving on and letting go of the past so instead he is clinging to it. Self preservation but also self destructive. Everything you just said makes perfect sense, I have suggested counselling but he laughed it off saying he'll solider on. But hopefully I'll get through to him. Edited March 3, 2016 by Aisling.25 Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Everything you just said makes perfect sense, I have suggested counselling but he laughed it off saying he'll solider on. But hopefully I'll get through to him. If you can't talk him round with the counselling try some confidence building activities (you can do some of them with him so he has someone fun to go with). You can try to boost his self esteem and self confidence just by having him take part. Even a hairdressing appointment can add some self confidence. Going shopping for new clothes. Taking a class or joining the gym. Doing something where there is an achievement or reward at the end. You could start with anything he has an interest in. If he likes cars do something to do with that subject. If he is active do a 5K run / walk for charity. There's loads to choose from. Just get him involved if you can. Get him making plans, looking towards the future rather than looking back at the past. The more confidence he has in himself the more he'll recover. If he is suffering from a form of depression he might need further intervention but you can certainly give the above a try. Link to post Share on other sites
MissCongeniality Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 In my opinion cheating isn't the worst thing that a partner could do. Now if that partner touches or puts a hand on my kids that's when I take out old reliable and old faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Sometimes people are drawn to messed up people like a magnet because it's familiar to them. Maybe they are familial in a way because they grew up in a chaotic household. If you saw your mother "stand by her man" through cheating or joblessness or alcoholism, then that is what you're children learn to do. That's why when you have kids you need to be aware what you put up with is training them what to put up with or how to be, so for a girl, it's teaching her to take it and for a guy, teaching him it's okay to be abusive or a cheater or whatever. It's how the cycle works. Sure, some people, like myself, rebel against whatever it was and don't let that happen to them, but many others are drawn to what became their normalcy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 For the sake of discussion I think that cheating should be put in the same category of all forms of mistreatment since it seems that there are people that will take back all sorts of behaviors. I've known people that were suspicious of compliments, but an insult seemed to carry a level of authenticity. Loyalty looked foolish, but someone taking advantage of them seemed "right". These are people that seem to think that all relationships have a degree of drama or else you have unrealistic expectations. For some people, a certain amount of mistreatment simply resonates with how they see themselves. It may stem from childhood or some other time in their lives when they learned to accept a few indignities are part of their lot in life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 The heart wants what the heart wants. The new girl may be perfect for him on paper but doesn't compare to his ex in his heart. Leave him alone to make his own decisions as I assume he is an adult and knows what/who he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
youdunsay Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 What's his horoscope? Link to post Share on other sites
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