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Why do friends sacrifice friendships to save face?


kit4kat

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I hate drama. Its pointless and lame, but everywhere we go these days, we can't escape it. Heres my story:

 

I hung out with some friends I haven't seen for ages this past weekend. We had a good time. A mutual friend was brought into conversation-- just some things that this person said. We briefly discussed this friend and their choice of words and actions for a few minutes and moved on with our conversation. Monday I get a text message from this mutual friend. The conversation that went on this weekend got back to her, which doesn't bother me because everything I said I'd say to her. But, the words got twisted. Tuesday night she and I had a long talk, I thought everything was straightened out. Apparently these friends I was talking to made it seem like I was out to harm our mutual friend emotionally, and I assured her that in no way was I going to do that... ever! Tonight however I was told otherwise. Our mutual friend was told by the two friends I was hanging out with this weekend that they were telling the truth (they were the ones who twisted my words) and that they should be believed over me because I was a habitual liar. Hearing that was like being stabbed in the back, why would they say such a horrible thing? I try not to lie, I was raised to believe that lying to someone is the worst thing you can ever do. And whats even worse is that she doesn't know who to believe! She says she hates these people, and I've been her friend for years.

 

This person has hurt me multiple times in the past, and I still forgave her and made attempts to be her friend. And now this? I don't know what I should do :(

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bluechocolate

These people don't sound like "friends" so maybe you should stop using that word for them.

 

They are twisting your words to her, she is telling you that they told her that you are a habitual liar .......everyone's in one big merry-go-round of she said, she said.

 

How old are you folks?

 

Drop them all, that's what I say.

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Well Blue, I feel like I'm in Jr High again with all this nonsense! We're all college age, but with reading that you'd never guess, huh?

 

After a night of thinking, I think I agree with you. My best friend thinks I should let them think what they want, no one who really knows me is going to believe them anyway. I am no longer going to be referring to these people as friends, because they aren't. Their lies can't keep me down!

 

Drop them all? I think I should. And I think I will.

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the thing with friendship is simple. if they dont respect you then they arent your friends. your options are to talk it over with them, or just walk away from it. If those people valued the friendship in any way, they will contact you and apologize (if they knew what hte problme was).

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Hi kit4kat,

 

My belief is that people aren't your true friends if you feel that you must continue to work at keeping them. Friends should be there to make you feel comfortable. These people and their lies are draining your energy... they're draining you! In my opinion, friends certainly don't play nasty mindgames with each other. You're honest, and you deserve people who are the same.

 

I believe that you'll feel some relief if you walk away from this person, even if you knew him/her for years.

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