Friends problem

[MiddleManMike]

Background info: A friend of mine for 20+ years had been dating a woman for the last 9 years, they got married last August and started a divorce just 3 months later in November. Normally I distance myself from my friends wives because I am single and leave no room for any problems to arise jeopardizing my friendship with my buddy.

 

With this gal it was a little different, we got along well and even though I was less standoffish I considered her a friend for about 7 years.

 

When they both told me (separately) they were getting divorced. I was shocked, immediately they both wanted to tell their side of the story and I stopped them and said no, I will be a friend to both of you but I am not going to let either of you put me in the middle of this. I will not say one word about the other person to either of you and if you cannot handle that then I will step away from both relationships.

 

This has worked over the last year and I have continued to spend time with both of them off and on and no where near the time we used to. Both of them have honored my request and do not bring up the other one when we are hanging out. I wanted to give them space and I was hoping they could work it out and get back together.

 

Lately I am very confused by my feeling towards both of them and I am on a bit of a roller coaster. I find myself growing apart from my friend and maybe a little closer to his ex......but overall growing apart from both of them. I am having trouble trying to figure out what to do on my own, if it were any of my other friends I would be 100% on my guy friends sides because all of their wives are.............well you know.

 

If I pick my guy friend in this one I lose one friend (her) If I pick her I lose 7+ friends...........and its still a hard decision for me because I value loyalty and honesty. How do you tell a friend she did everything right but it wasnt good enough?

 

Please help

[preraph]

You just said you weren't going to let them do that to you, get involved, take sides. So don't. If she is putting pressure on you and trying to make you feel guilty for still being friends with him, then she is at fault and you should be loyal to your friend. Meanwhile, you said you wouldn't get involved with that, so don't. Stop discussing him or her with each other. Be friends but beware if either of them are trying to pressure you and that's the one to straighten out and stop from doing it.