don't want to ride with her again

[d0nnivain]

When I offer to be the designated driver, I don't drink at all. My husband might have 1 beer early in the night when it's his turn.

 

 

A friend asked me to help her out yesterday & said she'd drive. OK great. We get to the destination & she has 2 beers. I had a soda. Then we both do 2 shots. Over the next 3 hours we do what we came to do, no drinking, lots of exercise. I feel almost sober again.

 

 

We get to the 3rd phase of the event & eat sandwiches. Then she gets everybody beers. Over the next 2 hours I nurse 1 big beer (maybe 20 oz). She has 3. It is also freezing out & I keep suggesting we go home. She keeps saying after this one. (which is one of my lease favorite phrases).

 

 

We get in the car & she eats a sandwich, which she saved to "sober up" before she drives.

 

 

She's not acting intoxicated but sadly I was aware of how much she drank.

 

 

As we drove home in the rain, her driving was fine, no swerving, speeding or anything to put me on edge but she kept insisting on texting & making cell phone calls. I offered to make the calls or send the texts for her but she declined. I finally said that between her drinking & the weather the texting was making me nervous & sort of demanded that she stop which she did but she harrumphed that she was "fine."

 

 

I didn't have a meaningful choice to get out because it was rural, no houses & certainly no businesses where I could have waited for a safe ride home. It was too far to walk at night in the cold rain.

 

 

We did get home safely but I will never get in a car with her again. Is there a polite way to address this head on if it ever comes up again? I was simply going to stick with "I'd prefer to have my car there" rather than try to change her behavior. Anybody have a better idea?

[mrldii]

...We did get home safely but I will never get in a car with her again. Is there a polite way to address this head on if it ever comes up again? I was simply going to stick with "I'd prefer to have my car there" rather than try to change her behavior. Anybody have a better idea?

 

Personally, I'd do a little of both and not worry one bit about being polite.

 

I'd tell her outright, "I'm taking my own car. The last time we rode together, you drank waaaaay too much especially for the weather conditions and texted while you were driving. I'm glad we both got home safely that time, but I'm taking my own car from now on."

 

When and if she gets huffy about it (indicating she's insulted by it), I'd remind her that I felt a wholehelluvalot more insulted - and fearful - when she didn't pay attention to MY concerns before. And how since I got over it and am still here having a conversation with her, I'm confident she'll do the same.

 

 

If she still wants to be all pissy about it, that's her right...and it's my right to cut her out of my life FOR being so pissy over it.

 

 

Good luck with her!!!

[acrosstheuniverse]

I wouldn't worry, next time she mentions being the driver just say you've made your own arrangements. If she outright asks you why you don't want a lift, you can then tell her without fear of being rude.

 

I have to say though, I'm seriously amazed you even got in the car with her at all. When she had her second drink, didn't you ask her how she was planning to get home? Maybe drink driving isn't as big a deal in the US as it is here in the UK but here it's a HUGE social faux pas, sure people still do it but the vast vast majority of people are incredibly careful not to drink drive, if I'm driving I'll have one unit early in the night and that's it, so I'm below the legal limit. Once she purchased that second drink, you should have been considering how else to get home. I'd rather have paid for an expensive cab or called in a favour and got a friend to come collect me than ride in a car with someone who'd drank so much, let alone who had such awful driving skills such as using her phone!

[TaraMaiden2]

I wouldn't worry, next time she mentions being the driver just say you've made your own arrangements. If she outright asks you why you don't want a lift, you can then tell her without fear of being rude.

 

I have to say though, I'm seriously amazed you even got in the car with her at all. When she had her second drink, didn't you ask her how she was planning to get home? Maybe drink driving isn't as big a deal in the US as it is here in the UK but here it's a HUGE social faux pas, sure people still do it but the vast vast majority of people are incredibly careful not to drink drive, if I'm driving I'll have one unit early in the night and that's it, so I'm below the legal limit. Once she purchased that second drink, you should have been considering how else to get home. I'd rather have paid for an expensive cab or called in a favour and got a friend to come collect me than ride in a car with someone who'd drank so much, let alone who had such awful driving skills such as using her phone!

 

 

Have to agree with the bolded part.

A few years ago, I actually refused a lift from a designated driver because he'd had a pint of beer, even though he assured everyone he hadn't touched a drop.

Others still went with him, but I won't do it.They all got home safe, no accident occurred and it all went fine.

But I refused to take that risk.

Yes, here in the UK, DUI is really more of a social taboo almost, than taking cannabis.

Unacceptable, unforgivable.

 

I took a cab home which cost me in the region of £20.

 

One of those who opted for a lift, gave me £10 as "compensation for my financial loss" because he admired my principle, and in hindsight, wished he'd done the same.

In his words "if two people had shown him how wrong it was for him to drive, it might have had more influence. As it was, he slagged you off on the way home, and made you out to be a killjoy, but I told him he was the one who was a wanker."

 

If enough people hold a person up to scrutiny, it would have more impact.

I'm sorry you were put in that position, but hopefully, next time ...

Well, hopefully, there won't BE a next time...

[TaraMaiden2]

d0nnivain, show her this:

 

I'm sure other sites and reports exist....

[carhill]

We did get home safely but I will never get in a car with her again.

Reasonable decision. The texting while driving part put me over the top.

Is there a polite way to address this head on if it ever comes up again?

"I've got it covered. Thanks!"

I was simply going to stick with "I'd prefer to have my car there" rather than try to change her behavior. Anybody have a better idea?

Whatever socially acceptable language you choose is fine, just as long as it continues to keep you out of her car. Her perceptions are outside of your control.

 

Some of us are old enough to remember when 'one for the ditch' (the country version) was normal stuff but times have changed. If one is choosing to DD that's a big responsibility. If some folks don't take it seriously for that brief period they have chosen to DD, then no harm no foul no one needs to ride with them.