Old wounds resurfacing

[amkxoxo]

My freshmen year college roommate and I became instant friends. We hung out all the time and were practically attached at the hip. About a year later, we got another roommate, Amanda. Amanda and I got along ewven better than Jane and I. Our third year in Amanda, Jane, and I were still roommates but we started having issues. I was very loyal to Jane as we had been roommates and best friends for years, but she joined a college sorority and started changing as a person because of it. Amanda and I made time for each other and did everything together. Jane seemed to start to get mad at how close Amanda and I were. We tried to include her, but she didn't try at all. Amanda and I would be watching a movie and Jane would come in from a long day on campus. We would beg her to watch the movie, but she would go to her room and close the door and read or go online all night. Jane opened up to me that she hated Amanda.

 

We had a great group of friends and Jane's desperation for more acceptance and the sorority caused her to start acting fake and less like the Jane I befriended.

 

I grew bitter when one of our friends told Jane and I about a job on our college campus. I was really interested and took down all of the information because I desperately needed the money. Jane never talked about a job or needing to work. She showed no interest in it when our friend was telling us about it. I was enthusiastic. I didn't realize that Jane ran back and applied for the job too. My resume was impressive. I had worked many part time jobs in the past and had done a lot of customer service. Jane had barely worked a steady part time job and had little to show. Jane got a call back for the job. I did not. I was so disappointed. She didn't even truly want it for the money. She wanted it for something to do as a hobby.

 

I found out that they often hire more than one person. I asked Jane if she could put in a good word for me with her boss. She told me that she wouldn't and that I would just have to apply like everyone else. She acted almost entitled since she got the job. I asked her what she had put to get the job and she wouldn't tell me. She was being very vague and then she told me that maybe I needed to change my resume. It was again smug and entitled, like she was this professional working girl. I got snippy with her and told her that I had worked a lot more than her, and had more experience, so my resume wasn't the problem, and that I would hope as a good friend she could have put in a good word for me. She never did. I later found out from a friend that Jane only got the position because she is a different ethnicity and they were trying to diversify the office. It made me a lot more settled that it wasn't because of my resume.

 

Jane started her sorority training and was never around. She only wanted to hangout with me when she was free, not when I was. She would try to have me go to club meetings with her, for clubs I didn't even want to be in, so we could spend quality time together. She would get mad when I didn't want to go. We had many classes together and sometimes when we would do projects or assignments together she would get bossy and mean to me in front of other classmates. After that, I started purposely picking classes she wasn't in, thinking that maybe we spent too much time together at home and in classes. It seemed to help a little.

 

I supported her through joining the sorority, even though I didn't agree with it. I started dating a guy whom I really liked. I told Jane to keep in on the down low because he and I weren't serious and he had dated one of our other friends years ago and dumped her. I didn't know if he and I would get seriously in a relationship and wasn't planning to talk to our friend, Lisa, whom dated him, about it until I was sure we were headed somewhere. They had only dated for a month or so, and they weren't serious either so I didn't think it was a huge deal that he and I dated. It had been years and both she and he had been in other relationships since.

 

I guess Jane spilled the beans to Lisa and they started mean talking about me behind my back. It hurt me so much. I was trying to make it work with this guy and they were tearing me down. I got to be paranoid about everyone around me. Jane was so close to me and she turned on me so quickly. How Jane could choose this girl Lisa over me was shocking. I lived with Jane for four years. This girl didn't want to live with us. I was there for her when she was sick, hurt, happy etc... I was a good friend and roommate. Jane misinterpreted things to Lisa that she didn't understand. It made me look worse than what it was. I could tell Lisa was telling Jane horrible things about my guy, because Jane suddenly hated him and would treat him badly when he came over to see me. He was nice to Jane, because she was my good friend and he did nothing wrong to her. I knew Lisa might have been hurt by this guy, so I tried not to have them around each other. I had two birthday parties. One with some friends and my guy, and another with some friends and Lisa. Lisa found out about the first party and got angry thinking I just didn't include her.

 

Then Jane started acting ridiculous. Telling people in our classes how I hurt her and crying on their shoulders. It was fake and not true. One night she and I went out to eat together. In the middle of our dinner I get a message from my guy that one of his co-workers had passed away and he was upset. I felt so bad and I made us rush back to be with him. Jane immediately got nasty with me and gave me the silent treatment. I kept trying to talk to her and she acted so mean. I told her that it was a tricky situation and someone dying is a serious thing, but she didn't care. One of her own friends passed away years back and it really bothered her. I told her that I was trying to be there for him and that she knew how it felt to lose a friend. That is all I said. I didn't say anything mean to her. She apparently ran back to some of our friends telling them I threw her friends death in her face and how mean I was to her about it. None of that was true at all.

 

I decided to throw Amanda a surprise party. My guy was helping me. Jane went and told Amanda about the surprise and lied to her about things. Then Jane went and invited Lisa to the party. It was so awkward. Lisa wasn't Amanda's friend, thus I didn't invite Lisa for Amanda's party. Jane acted obnoxious at the party and she and Lisa even lied to try to get everyone to go home. It was so nasty and hurtful. I spent all day cooking and cleaning to make the party great, and Jane had the audacity to chastise me in front of all our friends, that I was having a drink of alcohol and hadn't eaten anything. If she had helped me throw the party maybe I would have eaten something.

 

One of our friends who knows me well, came clean to me about what Jane was truly saying about me behind my back. It was mean and not true. This friend knew I wasn't the bad person she made me out to be, and was loyal to me by telling me about it. I finally confronted Jane about what she said about me. She denied all of it and even tried to throw a bunch of our friends under the bus, saying they were all liars. It was ridiculous. She lied claiming she never talked to Lisa about me or my relationship with the guy. She lied over and over to my face. I then told her I wanted to work on our friendship. I would be willing to try and spend time together to work on us. We had been friends for years and I didn't want to throw it away. She told me she didn't have enough time for that and didn't want to try. I was shocked. I opened up all these doors for us to fix things and she didn't care enough to try. We didn't speak for months after that, though we lived together.

 

Hilariously enough, the same night I talked with her was the same night Lisa dis-added me on facebook. But Jane doesn't talk to her about me or anything. Liar.

 

Lexi and Kelly are two girlfriends of mine and Jane. The issue currently is that is that they were still friends with Jane after all she did to me. I came clean and told them some of the stuff she did to me. Kelly especially, knows how much she hurt me. When Jane and I stopped speaking, Jane didn't bother with them either. I would have them over and Jane would just go in her bedroom and shut her door. It was insane. I wanted to scream 'Lexi and Kelly, this is your friend?'

 

If she was such a good friend like she pretends to be, she would have been able to be around me to be friends with them. She ran and hid. Months after our graduation, I was still in close contact with Lexi and Kelly. I drove the two hours from my house to go visit them all the time. One weekend when I came down, we all went out to a bar. Jane was there visiting Lisa. Jane was a coward and couldn't even come up to us to say Hello to Lexi and Kelly. She texted Kelly and told her to come over to her by herself so she could say Hello. Kelly, being so naive, ran right over. I was mad. Jane was a wuss. I went right over and was like come on Kelly we have to go mingle with our friend over there and took her right away from Jane.

 

I have since moved back to the area to be near Kelly and Lexi. Jane never communicates or comes to see them. They have invited her to numerous parties and she never comes. She doesn't come to visit them. They told me that once in a while, Jane will send them messages saying how much she misses them. But then she never follows up. That's not a real friend.

 

What made me so angry was that its been over a year now, and Jane came to town the other day and Kelly hung out with her. I was shocked. I don't even know why Kelly would hangout with her after what Jane did to me. Kelly knows how bad it was and how it hurt me. I guarantee Jane only hung out with her so she could have a ride to the train back home. Jane didn't even come into town to see Kelly. She came for a sorority thing. Kelly is so naive to just jump. I am not the police and I don't care who Lexi and Kelly hangout with, but I am just shocked they still put in time and effort for someone who is fake. I live here and I am a real friend. I guarantee Kelly even told Jane stuff about me this past weekend. I don't need her knowing anything. We are not friends.

 

Kelly just posted an invite to her birthday bash coming up. Jane is invited too. I feel horrible, but if Jane decides to go I don't want to go. But then I feel stupid because its for Kelly, my best friend, and I shouldn't be a coward either. I just truly don't want to be around Jane at all. I hate her. She ruined my life. My family had her in our home and took care of her and fed her and she turned on me so quickly. She caused me so much depression and anxiety.

 

I am having issues with trust. I feel like my trust for Lexi and Kelly is wavering. I feel a rift. I want to be friends with them, but I am nervous about trusting them. Even after a year Jane and trust still get to me. What is interesting is that our other roommate, whom I still am good friends with, hates Jane too. Jane was never nice to her and very fake, but not as severe as me. I feel myself falling into a rut of pushing Lexi and Kelly away and I don't want to do that.