Hopeless_Idiot Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 There was this one girl I always thought was beautiful in high school. However, she never really paid me much attention. I think the reason she originally caught my eye was because she was the first goth girl I had seen. It wasnt until a few years after high school that we actually became friends and of course I fell for her. I know that this wasnt me lusting after herb, because she had physically changed a good deal. Even though she had changed I still thought about her all the time, not in any sexual way though only that I knew if I ever lost her I would be miserable. I now know I was right. One night I was hanging out with her watching a movie, cuddled up on her couch. After a while she fell asleep and even though I had to work the next morning and needed to head home, I could not bare to wake her. I just hugged her tightly and tried to sleep in the position I was in. After a while of dozing in and out she woke up and realized how late it was and demanded I get to bed and get some rest. I was reluctant, but I knew I would see her again the next day. Unfortunately I made my worst mistake in years, I kissed her. She didnt pull away or seem offended, so I kissed her again. It was like I was high on life. I had never felt so happy. The next day I realized that I had made a mistake, she has a boyfriend and for reasons I still don't understand she likes him. Now understand, he is not at all a bad guy. They have just never seemed to have anything in common and it always appeared that she wasnt happy with him. I suppose that was the reason that I made such a bit move despite my normal personality. I thought that since she always seemed so happy around me that I could be the one to keep her happy even if she stayed with him. After awhile however, I asked her if there could ever be a future between us. I don't know why, but she apparently thought I was asking her to choose between me or him, which I never intended. She of course said that she was with him and was always going to be. This hurt me alot despite me not asking her to choose, she chose anyway. As a result, I felt humiliated and worthless. If my own friend, who I had liked for years and who admitted to flirting with me, would reject me, I must be a lousy human being. I was always rejected by every girl I ever liked. So I told her to stay away that I could not be around her anymore.This I believe was the wrong choice, now I am miserable I constantly think of her, I even started having dreams about her, which is unusual because I normally have never dreamed except on occasion, I have never felt this bad in all my years. I suffer from depression and I am used to feeling depressed and worthless but never could I have thought that there was a worse feeling than wanting to kill myself. I have thought about leaving the area and even join in the military just to have something to distract me from thinking of her. I make it a point to never show my feelings and now I only want to cry when I think of what I did. Please if anyone has been through something even remotely similar tell me what I should do. Should I try to fix things with her? Leave? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 How can you fix things? You still have feelings for her, even after she shot you down. She's in love with her boyfriend, not you. You should have told her how you felt about her instead of kissing her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I want to compliment you on two things. First, bravo for kissing her and really kissing her like you mean it. If you'd held off, there never would have been a chance, and it was the HONEST thing to do. You had the right to at least give it a shot. She fell asleep in your arms. So many guys will never take that chance. I'm sorry how it turned out for you, but you absolutely did the right and brave thing by letting her know how you felt. Even if she had a bf, because she was getting awfully familiar with you, too. Second, you also did the right thing telling her to leave you alone now. I know it hurts like fire in your heart, but if you keep her away and do take steps to distract yourself after a reasonable healing period, this feeling will go away much faster than if you kept her around. You're doing the right thing. And don't know about joining the military, but a little travel is really good for putting things into perspective. After all, she's just one little speck on this big old globe. And the more interesting and fun things you do, the more interesting and fun people you meet and the more interesting and fun you yourself will be to others. So by all means, even though you'd just as soon stay in bed, make yourself get up and dressed and pick an activity you find enjoyable as often as possible now while you're getting through this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_Idiot Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 She knew how I felt I told her before Link to post Share on other sites
You Are Mine Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 um...keep calm and watch anime ! Ò Ó I think you should find something to distract yourself from thinking of her and getting hurt on your own. good luck and sorry because I'm not very helpful :"< It's just that you can't control your feelings...love is love, it can't be helped. D: Link to post Share on other sites
vrj Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 if you feel the same way to her just go and go for her you can do it Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 if you feel you can just be her friend and not overstep the boundary of friendship tell her so and try to fix things....even though you took your cue of kissing her when you were aware she had a boyfriend.....it wasnt ever going to work because she was and is still with someone...i honestly dont feel friendship is right for you with her.....and i think deep down you know it..... love is often said to be bitter sweet...and i guess you take the bitter to get to the sweet....this girl wasnt right for you.....wrong time wrong place wrong girl......thats the bitter.......let go and maybe you can find the sweet and i doubt you will find anything but more sadness in store if you pursue this girl...im sorry..best wishes....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_Idiot Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Im sorry vrj I dont understand ur comment but thank u all for your input I'm debating on trying to be friends again but when i went to her facebook ( its not private) she seemed perfectly happy without me around so I'm not sure I'm just gonna think on y'all's responses and try to figure out wat would be best Link to post Share on other sites
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