Dealing with GF's A-hole brother

[aloneinaz]

Anyone have to deal with a brother in law, or GF's brother, sister, etc.. that you wouldn't care if they drove off a cliff?

 

 

My GF's brother is a SUPER controlling, bullying, Alpha male, know it all that is driving me crazy. I don't have to deal with him but once or twice a month but it's tough due to his personality. My GF said her ex husband HATED her brother cause of his behavior. He avoided her brother like the plague. He was more passive than I am as I'm also a type A, strong personality.

 

 

I've already had a couple of run in's w/him that basically let him know he's not pushing me around like he does w/everyone else in his life. As a result, he's now a big cold to me as I believe he knows he has that personality/character fault and doesn't like people pointing it out to him.

 

 

Let's hear your strategies on how you deal with folks like this..

[jen1447]

Anyone have to deal with a brother in law, or GF's brother, sister, etc.. that you wouldn't care if they drove off a cliff?

 

 

My GF's brother is a SUPER controlling, bullying, Alpha male, know it all that is driving me crazy. I don't have to deal with him but once or twice a month but it's tough due to his personality. My GF said her ex husband HATED her brother cause of his behavior. He avoided her brother like the plague. He was more passive than I am as I'm also a type A, strong personality.

 

 

I've already had a couple of run in's w/him that basically let him know he's not pushing me around like he does w/everyone else in his life. As a result, he's now a big cold to me as I believe he knows he has that personality/character fault and doesn't like people pointing it out to him.

 

 

Let's hear your strategies on how you deal with folks like this..

 

Sounds like he's pretty much dealt with then? You do have to be direct and pretty much back these ppl down, whoever they might be. Otherwise they scamper around the fringes with their little plots and routines. At least that's how I do it.

 

I'd say he can be cold all he likes. Once he's been put on the path, it's up to him how he deals with that personally, and I assume the thought of having no friendship with him doesn't break your heart.

[tobrieornottobrie]

I know you mentioned that your GF talked about her ex-husband not liking her brother, which implies that you've talked to her about this a little bit, but have you expressed to her how much this bothers you? Have you outright talked to him about his behavior? Wishing you the best.

[aloneinaz]

Sounds like he's pretty much dealt with then? You do have to be direct and pretty much back these ppl down, whoever they might be. Otherwise they scamper around the fringes with their little plots and routines. At least that's how I do it.

 

I'd say he can be cold all he likes. Once he's been put on the path, it's up to him how he deals with that personally, and I assume the thought of having no friendship with him doesn't break your heart.

 

While I can be a strong personality myself, I like and enjoy getting along with everyone and can usually do this. My GF says he and I are a lot alike but she agrees that his controlling/bullying can be a bit much. He also likes to be the center of attention and get reactions out of people.

 

 

To your point Jen, I have sent a shot across his bow to let him know I haven't cared for a few of the things he's pulled on me and his sister. He knows I'd have zero problem getting in his face and telling him to F-off. I personally wouldn't care if I ever saw him again but my GF is close to him again after he wrote her and her sisters off for 4 years, only to return to them when his marriage crumbled.

 

 

I guess I'll just deal with him when I have to. Deep sigh..

[Iron Bubba]

I beat the holy hell out of him and put him into the hospital for two weeks.

 

Then i told him that if he continued the crap the next time that I will beat him up even more severely that I he will be peeing through a plastic tube for the rest of his life. I also know a few other really big guys who hate him and they have outright told him that if he continues his bullying junk they will join me and beat him up very severely.

 

I apologize if this offends people,

 

The only thing Alpha male bullies respond to is strength and violence. they will never under any circumstances listen to anything else.

So you are left with either two choices, use this method of violence, or stay the hell away from them.

[todreaminblue]

i think you have to try and get along....if he does something you dont like let him know but do so in a non confrontational way.....state matter of factly...sort of thing.....

 

antagonistic people are hard to deal with but what i know for fact is how you react to antagonism can help you more with your integrity, your patience and a deeper understanding of troublesome behaviors and strategies that work to alleviate discord and mediate with troublesome people, that actually help you in future situations, a lesson that allows personal growth and a really valuable skill set..........or you can tell him just to f off.....i prefer to grow myself...even though...its so easy to say two words..good luck....deb.....

[todreaminblue]

I beat the holy hell out of him and put him into the hospital for two weeks.

 

Then i told him that if he continued the crap the next time that I will beat him up even more severely that I he will be peeing through a plastic tube for the rest of his life. I also know a few other really big guys who hate him and they have outright told him that if he continues his bullying junk they will join me and beat him up very severely.

 

I apologize if this offends people,

 

The only thing Alpha male bullies respond to is strength and violence. they will never under any circumstances listen to anything else.

So you are left with either two choices, use this method of violence, or stay the hell away from them.

 

 

beating someone up because of the way they act makes you yourself a complete bully....you are no better ..if bullies dont listen....it doesnt help if you hit harder or yell louder either.....a still small voice in times of trouble .....a calm firm stance...is ultimately omega and goes beyond "just"alpha...even though the terminology is outdated alpha....is for dogs.......and orcas.......deb

[Iron Bubba]

beating someone up because of the way they act makes you yourself a complete bully....you are no better ..if bullies dont listen....it doesnt help if you hit harder or yell louder either.....a still small voice in times of trouble .....a calm firm stance...is ultimately omega and goes beyond "just"alpha...even though the terminology is outdated alpha....is for dogs.......and orcas.......deb

 

Sorry. I just can not and will not accept that under any circumstances.

 

And there is a difference.

 

You are actually arguing to allow him to go around hurting people, and hurting people with words is no different than hurting people with physical action.

 

Everyone has the right to a defense against anyone being aggressive or hurting or attacking you.

 

And i simply will not put up with bullies in any capacity. I am not a pacifist. I hate bullies of any and all stripes to no end.

 

I'm sorry you can not understand the difference.

 

But he was the clear attacker and he even beat up his girlfriend a couple of times.

 

He even threatened to beat me up a couple of times and he constantly shamed me constantly calling me a retard and a stupid idiotic mongoloid.

 

You do not put up with an abusive person. You do not put up with abuse.

 

You stand up to bullies any way you can.

 

That often means the use of violence.

 

Some people will react to reason and good sense and respectful treatment. Mist will not. Others will not listen to anything but their own voice and they will not respond to anything but violence. Sometimes violence is the ONLY way to end an abusive situation because far too many people out there just do not give a flying fig about how you feel and find it very entertaining to see you hurt and in pain. That is American culture.

 

That is the reality.

 

I'm sorry you can not understand that.

 

But you never allow bullies to act. Ever.

 

And to do that you have to be strong or they will always be hurting you.

[aloneinaz]

i think you have to try and get along....if he does something you dont like let him know but do so in a non confrontational way.....state matter of factly...sort of thing.....

 

antagonistic people are hard to deal with but what i know for fact is how you react to antagonism can help you more with your integrity, your patience and a deeper understanding of troublesome behaviors and strategies that work to alleviate discord and mediate with troublesome people, that actually help you in future situations, a lesson that allows personal growth and a really valuable skill set..........or you can tell him just to f off.....i prefer to grow myself...even though...its so easy to say two words..good luck....deb.....

 

 

Good post Deb..

 

 

I agree with what you're saying and I've already done the non-confrontational method with him as well. For clarification, he's not a physical bully but just uses his STRONG personality to always want his way and to direct every family event and outing. He's just your typical insecure guy. Over opinionated, thinks he knows better than everyone else, thinks he's the big man on campus, etc.. Ironically, his last boss fired him due to not liking him.. Shocking..

 

 

My goal is to have an amicable relationship with him for the benefit of my GF. I just hate spending time around people I don't really care for. Life is simply too short to spend it with Aholes.