My old bestest friend randomly got back in touch, then randomly deleted me!

[anita_dolce_vita]

i had a very best, close friend of approximately 15 years or more who i recently had sadly drifted from, we didn't fall out or ever argue- life just simply got in the way, with new jobs, etc we drifted apart. we were very close for a long time, keeping in touch all through school, college and after graduation and gaining our first proper jobs. i had recently been feeling bad that i had let us drift as i perhaps could have made more of an effort to stay in touch and sometimes i would miss her as we had grown up together and had a lot of fun, sharing many memorable experiences together. however, i also know she could have made more effort too. oh well, that's the way life goes and sometimes people drift.

 

we had always been facebook friends since around 2008 (however at this point we were very much real friends in real life too and did lots of things together- holidays, outings, partying together. etc) over the past couple of years we had no contact on facebook or in real life as we had drifted apart so much that we didn't even wish eachother 'happy birthday' anymore which is quite sad. also i don't really like social networking and wasn't very 'active' on there in recent years so i didn't really post to facebook very often or 'like' anything on her page,etc.

 

however, a few months back she broke the ice and sent me a mail message on facebook, the last mail i had received from her was way back in 2012 when we had hung out, so three years ago. i'm, assuming she no longer had my cellphone number or home phone number anymore but i wasn't offended as quite a lot of time had passed since we were in regular contact. we started chatting about old times via facebook messenger, talking just as we always had back in the day and i told her i was so glad to hear from her, it was all postitive, all friendly, all good. she told me she had missed me and she then suggested that we meet up and catch up with eachother over a drink or coffee or get a night out together. i was really delighted so i took the next step and sent her my cellphone number via facebook to arrange a date/time...

 

...BUT she never did call or text and i felt really blown off. however, even weirder, she then went on to delete me from her facebook altogether after a couple of months. She had been on my friends list for the past 7 years so i found this weid. she has still kept people on her list that she has met randomly once on a night and and other randoms on there who she barely knows. yet she chose to delete me, her once best friend for 15 years. i just don't get it at all. SHE suggested meeting. SHE made contact with me. it's fine if she changed her mind, or thought too much time had passed that she was nervous to call me or reconnect but to then go and delete me is just plain weird. perhaps she just thought we had both moved on and had second thoughts on reconnecting but i can't help finding her actions a little bit rude! i also know her account was not hacked or anything and it was definitely her that i had been chatting with all along. also i don't think the deleting me was accidental as she never tried to re-add me as a friend afterwards.

 

i havent done anything wrong, i know i couldn't have offended her and she had no reason to just cut me out. I simply responded postitively to her with my cell phone number expecting her to then text or call me. it just doesn't make sense. i guess she changed her mind for some reason but its a little bit weird. can anyone advise? she seemed really keen to reconnect and then the next minute she just disappears. i am trying to find closure on this friendship, i just dont get it- why reach out and suggest meeting to me in the first place and then just delete me? i'm assuming i should just let this one go and not try to make any more contact and don't try to re-add her as a friend? no contact? what are your thoughts?

Edited June 25, 2015 by anita_dolce_vita

[15Love]

I hope I can help. I have done exactly that to my best friend of almost 20 years. I did it twice actually and it was only last month that we finally ironed some things out. You sound like my old best friend. Sad you drifted and but not overly distraught about it. Since she's the one who reached out and she's the one who suggested getting together and the one who deleted you....well long story short it sounds like she wants you to notice her. Please don't be offended by that. Just reach out to her and tell her how you feel. tell her she matters to you and that you don't want to bother her if she doesn't want you in her lfe but you wanted to be sure you weren't misunderstanding something.

 

To delete someone takes effort and her other actions say she DOES want you in her life. If you don't care about someone you just leave them alone, no need to delete them. You delete people because you're hurt or mad or want them to notice you. Not necessarily mature....but we're all immature at times.

 

So put your feelings aside, reach out and see if letting her know how important her friendship is (and if there's anything you did that hurt her) makes a difference. If it doesn't...then you can be mad.

 

Is there any chance she saw something on facebook that she felt hurt or left out by?

 

Let us know how it goes!

[CC12]

she told me she had missed me and she then suggested that we meet up and catch up with eachother over a drink or coffee or get a night out together. i was really delighted so i took the next step and sent her my cellphone number via facebook to arrange a date/time...

 

...BUT she never did call or text and i felt really blown off. however, even weirder, she then went on to delete me from her facebook altogether after a couple of months.

 

So a couple of months went by between when she first reestablished contact with you and her deleting you. Why didn't you ever try contacting her?

 

This might be why she deleted you. She broke the ice and invited you out and you just tossed her your phone number, never really meeting her halfway or even attempting to. It seems like you couldn't be bothered to put any effort into the friendship. Maybe that's the same reason it fizzled out all those years ago? Did you put in effort back then?

[anita_dolce_vita]

i actually felt that giving her my phone number was going a step further in my reaching out, at least that was my intention. it was steering the conversation away from just general facebook chatter that you might have with anyone and giving her my personal number, taking it to the next step, telling her to call or text me to arrange a date. i was very eager, very positive, i said ''yes, we definitely must meet, this is my number, let's arrange!" ....the ball was in her court, she chose not to arrange and go through with the plan and left me hanging. then i thought that maybe she didn't actually want to meet and i took her offer more literally than she intended. when i gave her my number and she didn't call to arrange i felt really stupid and rejected.

[whichwayisup]

You have nothing to lose here. You can chose to just go on with your life and not look back, or take the chance by sending her a message just asking if everything is okay. Be honest and tell her that you were excited to meet up again and was willing to get together and renew the friendship and you find it quite odd that after the messages back and forth and after you gave her your number, she deleted you.

[CC12]

i actually felt that giving her my phone number was going a step further in my reaching out, at least that was my intention. it was steering the conversation away from just general facebook chatter that you might have with anyone and giving her my personal number, taking it to the next step, telling her to call or text me to arrange a date. i was very eager, very positive, i said ''yes, we definitely must meet, this is my number, let's arrange!" ....the ball was in her court, she chose not to arrange and go through with the plan and left me hanging. then i thought that maybe she didn't actually want to meet and i took her offer more literally than she intended. when i gave her my number and she didn't call to arrange i felt really stupid and rejected.

 

Giving your friend your phone number is not putting effort into a friendship, though. You put the ball in her court and left it there and expected her to do all the work in setting up a meeting. You could have been a little more proactive. You have to put in effort if you want to maintain relationships.

 

If you still want to be friends with her, shoot her a message. I think you should be humble and somewhat apologetic. "I was just thinking about you and I noticed we're not Facebook friends any more. I was happy to hear from you and I'm still hoping we can meet up for coffee or a drink. If you're still willing to get together, I'd love to give you a call to set it up."