Tailor2000 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I've read it in the self help books. Ask about the other person. Don't talk about yourself. But have you noticed that there's so many people around who only ever talk about themselves so it's easy to get into a routine where you're only ever talking about them and not one of these people who call themselves friends ever talks about you or asks about you? Some of these people then also take it one step further and don't initiate unless they want something. They're more than happy to respond to a question about themselves, but if you've been discussing and giving them help through a problem they're facing, they won't feedback to you. Sorry for the vent. Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Nothing to apologize for, it's a very valid and real issue for many people. Many like to believe that they are a gift to humanity, but their actions make you think otherwise. No doubt that everyone will never be your cup of tea, which is as it should be, but focus on meeting and being around people who actually with little effort make you feel appreciated. Friends come in all kind of flavors, and true friends will reciprocate with you. No relationship or friendship is completely symmetrical, but if the scale tips far too much in one direction I would be concerned. Even if our personalities are different, it's not too hard to assess if one is being a good and thoughtful friend. Unfortunately many believe it's alright to abuse and use, and while that can be painful to deal with, it should teach you that these people are perhaps not the company for you. There is nothing unrealistic in demanding of friends that they make an effort to show some interest in you. In fact I would say that any healthy connection with another human, relies on mutual respect and interest, at least if you are hoping for something that will last. In today's world though, it is tempting for many to just dispose of others once they've served their use, to whatever benefit or goal the person had in mind. Don't be shy to look for real friendship in places you haven't considered, you like anyone else feeling this way do deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tailor2000 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Thanks StalwartMind. In some respects, Im quite enjoying listening to other people and learning how to ask questions. Im quite useless you see. It's not that Im disinterested in people, I just have little experience and impossible shy and nervous. But it has opened my eyes a little bit at just how broken everyone else is as well. Im shy, Im quite isolated, yet Im making the effort. What's everyone elses excuse? Im trying to talk to people, even helping a few people. It's been great having other people opening up to me. It's lovely. But it has been frustrating when as I say, they seem to show little support or concern for you. Even worse they don't want to get back in touch with you about their particular problem to let you know how they get on. Even worse, they feedback to others, so when you do see them next time, you're now the outsider, and they're having this private inside conversation without giving anything away. Which brings me on to how I've been invited to physically join a conversation, but Im not mentally included. So like above, Im there listening to people as an outsider and no one is filling in the blanks. What the hell am I supposed to do? They're not asking me anything and they're not sharing anything with me other than some insider conversation. I feel like a spare part. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiff180 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Totally relate to this. I know someone I work with that only ever talks about herself. When I mentioned this to her recently she lost it with me, told me she's not interested in talking me at all. TBH I've not really missed out "chats" as they are always about her. Funnily enough today I was sitting next to a bloke she also chats to and saw she was talking about herself again. Some people....it's all about THEM. Just let them go....they aren't worth the hassle if they can't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Starting off asking them about themselves is a good way to break the ice and then if the conversation stalls out, always have a couple of questions handy to pick it back up again. That doesn't mean you can't answer her questions, too. I'm guilty of forgetting to reciprocate myself and sometimes I'll realize at the end of an outing with a friend or even chatting up a hairdresser that I did all the talking. No one usually wants to be around someone for long who can't also listen and be interested in who them are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tailor2000 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 I used to be guilty of only ever talking about myself. Not because I was disinterested in others, I just had no way to relate, I wasn't well versed in trying to ask questions. Im still not I don't guess. My mind is a bit of a blank at times, Im very much more reflective. I relate to people by sharing my own experiences, and I thought that was a great way of showing empathy. More fool me. So Im learning. But while I've sat here feeling guilty about not being more interested in others, when I've actually started showing an interest, other more outgoing people are showing themselves up for the self absorbed people they are. What was I feeling bad about??! Thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts