LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Friend acting strange - is it something I done


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 3rd June 2015, 1:46 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 289
Friend acting strange - is it something I done

Hi

Recently started hanging out with a group of new people we all get on great, there's a good mix of ages and genders. There's a slightly older woman in the group who I got on well with but there wasn't anything sexual going on, used to chat have a laugh do daft things etc really chatty and talked about all sorts.

We meet up with some of the group and go to do things after work and such and on way home I'd stop off at hers (we live near unlike most of the others) and have a chat and stuff, we'd talk about relationships, how we feel about this and that. She always said yeah come over and stuff.

Recently she's just closed right off and I thought it was due to here previous RL she was just having an off day, she's being going through a lot and always talked to me about it. Now I don't know what happened I thought we had a good rapore. She always said things like sure come over or lets get a coffee at lunch time. I don't know if she had some sort of crush I don't know and thought there was going to be something different.

Very strange but any ideas she is like this? I went out meeting new people for 2 things to meet people who just accept me as me and to see if I could meet someone as well.

When I met her there wasn't anything I seen (physical anyway) that she fancied me but any nights out she or I always suggested a pre meet for a drink but I just took it as we wanted to get out a bit earlier before everyone else did.

No idea! I took it as a really great friendship but seems to have fizzled out.
2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2015, 8:27 AM   #2
Established Member
 
jen1447's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 9,372
It could be romance. Why don't you just ask her what's going on?
jen1447 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2015, 1:21 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by jen1447 View Post
It could be romance. Why don't you just ask her what's going on?
Well in case I make a fool of myself as it may be nothing. I don't want to assume that's she had hots for me. But then why would she start getting distant and her usual chatty self just dissipate if it was that?
2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2015, 1:25 PM   #4
Established Member
 
jen1447's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 9,372
Take risks occasionally - it'll make you look more attractive. It doesn't have to be silly anyway, just "is everything okay?" could work.
jen1447 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2015, 1:50 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by jen1447 View Post
Take risks occasionally - it'll make you look more attractive. It doesn't have to be silly anyway, just "is everything okay?" could work.
I am going to ask her that exact thing next night out but she will just say fine and that's it. In fact I spoke other night on chat and she said it's nothing she had to go. In fact I'm not going to ask again there's no point.

I'm not one of those guys who immediately starts chatting people up; we developed a really good friendship so I thought over the last couple of months. I didn't see any signs of obvious interest otherwise I would have moved it forward. It's one hell of an awkward situation to be in.

Last edited by 2011; 3rd June 2015 at 1:53 PM..
2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2015, 1:54 PM   #6
Established Member
 
jen1447's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 9,372
Maybe adapt it to "I can tell something's wrong and I'm worried about you" then.

There's really no other way you're gonna find out anyway. Everyone can speculate but only she really knows what's up.
jen1447 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2015, 2:01 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by jen1447 View Post
Maybe adapt it to "I can tell something's wrong and I'm worried about you" then.

There's really no other way you're gonna find out anyway. Everyone can speculate but only she really knows what's up.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll see how it goes when I'm out next.
2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th June 2015, 10:44 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,432
If she's older and has kids, it could be nothing more than her mind is on her kids, whether they're young or adult. My friends disappear without warning when an adult kid is in town or anything like that.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th June 2015, 7:57 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NYC
Posts: 305
It's not uncommon for colleagues and acquaintances to go cold on you when they start developing feelings for you.

Sometimes the feelings come out of left field and they need time to process them.

Other times it just gets awkward trying to pretend being "just friends," with someone you want more with especially at work.

Some people start to become emotionally involved with others (in their head) and all of a sudden your every move is interpreted or projected as being because of them. They may not even tell you this. Some days you'll make them happy and some days you'll make them jealous.

Watch for sudden mood swings on her part when you are around. See if she acts normal with everyone else but only awkward and closed off with you.
loverboy69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th June 2015, 7:48 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by loverboy69 View Post
It's not uncommon for colleagues and acquaintances to go cold on you when they start developing feelings for you.

Sometimes the feelings come out of left field and they need time to process them.

Other times it just gets awkward trying to pretend being "just friends," with someone you want more with especially at work.

Some people start to become emotionally involved with others (in their head) and all of a sudden your every move is interpreted or projected as being because of them. They may not even tell you this. Some days you'll make them happy and some days you'll make them jealous.

Watch for sudden mood swings on her part when you are around. See if she acts normal with everyone else but only awkward and closed off with you.
One of the times we were out I was heading home, I offered to walk another woman that was there to the station but nothing was going on just making sure she got to her transport. Next time we got together she just blurted out so where did you end up the other night? I noticed she was a bit cold for about a week after that. I could totally be my own interpretation though as I said I might come back but I just headed home so probably just wondering what happened.

As I said I couldn't help noticing she seemed a bit not her usual self after that. I'm just wondering if maybe i gave off the wrong signals as we were always chatting and meeting up for a coffee or drink here and there.
2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th July 2015, 6:18 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 289
A bit of an update on this situation. I was out the other night with a group of people and as the night went on and the drink flowed more, one of the group asked when I started fancying this girl - the one I started the thread about - because apparently she'd said said a lot of positive things to them about me after becoming friends with her.

I just discounted it and said it was only gossip and people making assumptions, but in honesty right at the start I did like her, but felt unable to do anything, mainly due to my shyness and fear of rejection, plus I got the impression she wasn't yet ready for anything after her previous RL finished so soon.

I also figured as time went on and we drifted into friend zone that it'd be better let sleeping dogs lie. Now I'm starting to wonder about this and feel again maybe that I should say something to her along the lines of "do you know that everyone assumed we were meeting" and that people are asking wondering why nothing came of it etc.

Initially I told her that people thought I was sleeping with "someone" in the friends group but I never mentioned to her that it was 'her' people thought I was sleeping with.

The main reason I want to say something is I felt like a I led her on and hurt her a bit as I was showing signs of interest, but was feeling awkward and unsure what to do about it, so never made a move. Will it spoil our friendship idk. It's a really difficult one as i would still want to meet her but think it would be hell of an awkward to try and do that now.

Last edited by 2011; 5th July 2015 at 6:20 AM..
2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ex acting strange Nanners Breaks and Breaking Up 7 15th February 2014 3:16 PM
Guy friend acting strange CarlaKxx Friends and Lovers 5 6th March 2011 8:54 PM
my friend acting strange sweetjoi Friends and Lovers 3 1st June 2010 11:01 AM
Close male friend acting very strange and cruel! kiki30 Friendship 19 15th September 2008 2:52 PM
bf acting strange, I don't know what to do... meagan Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 4 31st May 2004 4:36 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:11 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.