Aloha808 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 My best friend seems to have shut down from the world. He is going through personal, family, and work problems all at once now. He told me he needs to deal with things on his own and only he can help himself. He doesn't want to talk to me much anymore. What can I do to be a best friend to him while he's trying to make his life better? I've never had a friend go through so much like he is right now. Also I feel like I don't understand how to be there for him because I'm a woman and he's a man and sometimes men and women deal with problems differently. I appreciate any advice I can get on this. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I think all you can really do is tell him you'll be there if he needs you and give him his space. Good of you to care so much - not everyone has a friend like that. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 The best thing you can do, besides offeering any practical help for him is to offer a distraction. Ask him to go places/do things with you. My best friend was really, really helpful in doing this for me, when I went through alot of stress. She'd ask me to the beach to walk the dogs, check out the local farmer's market, shop for an underlay (no outing was considered to lame to ask me along to!!) and we even did a community night class together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Stay in touch say once a month saying You hope things have eased up for him. And ask if there's any way you can help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Don't push yourself on him. He doesn't have the energy to deal. Do stay connect but gently. . . once per month call. Maybe a like or two on social media. Post something happy / pithy/ supportive but innocuous every so often. Perhaps send a snail mail note of encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aloha808 Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Thank you everyone for the advice. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike78tan Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 My best friend seems to have shut down from the world. He is going through personal, family, and work problems all at once now. He told me he needs to deal with things on his own and only he can help himself. He doesn't want to talk to me much anymore. What can I do to be a best friend to him while he's trying to make his life better? I've never had a friend go through so much like he is right now. Also I feel like I don't understand how to be there for him because I'm a woman and he's a man and sometimes men and women deal with problems differently. I appreciate any advice I can get on this. Thank you. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs you. If he wants to be alone at the moment, give him space. But you can call him every day and show him you care and that he is not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 My best friend seems to have shut down from the world. He is going through personal, family, and work problems all at once now. He told me he needs to deal with things on his own and only he can help himself. He doesn't want to talk to me much anymore. What can I do to be a best friend to him while he's trying to make his life better? I've never had a friend go through so much like he is right now. Also I feel like I don't understand how to be there for him because I'm a woman and he's a man and sometimes men and women deal with problems differently. I appreciate any advice I can get on this. Thank you. You have to respect his decision on how he wants to handle this. He is one who shuts out the world and needs to figure it out on his own. Many men are like this... What you can do is, keep things light and fun with him. He knows you care and knows that you're there for him. How about getting baseballs tickets, see a movie or go to a concert together? Distraction and have a fun night out. I'm sure he could use the humour and laughs right now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Let him know that you are there for him if he needs you. If he wants to be alone at the moment, give him space. But you can call him every day and show him you care and that he is not alone. Calling every day is a bit much, that will get old fast, especially since it seems she's a 'friend' to him, not a wife or girlfriend. Checking once or twice a week is cool but daily? When this guy wants to be left alone to sort things out? Not a good idea to call so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Main thing? Let him know more than once that what happens to him matters a lot; it's important to you. If he's shutting down and wants to be alone, you want to respect that, sure, but you also must keep these 'important to me and lots of people' messages coming to win out over any possible 'giving up' thoughts he's having. It can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
isRaven Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 The best thing you can do, besides offeering any practical help for him is to offer a distraction. Ask him to go places/do things with you. I agree with this. Ask him, not everyday, but like once a week. Text him: "hey there's a cool movie I want to watch. Do you want to watch it together?" If he says no, then don't force him. Try again next time. If you really care about him, you will be patient. Everyone is different. Maybe he's the type of person that will calm down by being alone. You shouldn't push him too much because who knows he will get pissed at you instead. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts