Guitarisgood Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I am one of an open book and door. Always have time for co-workers, fellow students and those off the street. I push others to achieve their best while inspiring them to push for their dreams. I don't b*tch as I'd just tell you straight up if I have some criticism of what you do. Couple this with a quirky larrikin personality and I don't want to sound arrogant but lately the phrase 'everyone loves you' has been thrown about me to which I blush and don't know how to respond. I guess I am an all round nice guy. I don't expect anything in return because I guess that is how my parents raised me. I'll find the time for anyone even if it means a 3am wake up to pick up a stranded friend or staying behind to help out because the ward is short of staff and the doctors have left early. As such, I've built quite a good social grounding. At uni, everyone shares their answers with me. At work, openings in positions or references, I'm consulted or told first. As such, it does seem like I am riding off the shoulders of others. Hence recently this was the remark I got off a friend that has kind of affected me. In essence he said I was a leech and that I have risen as high in life due to riding on the shoulders of others. I did not know how to reply but pat him on the back, tell him to buzz me if he needed a hand with revising for exams and walked away in context of the conversation. By all means I work my butt off just as much! Now I am torn. Am I doing something wrong? My friend was bitter when telling me this. I am not sure how to comprehend it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 You are obviously a good net-worker and as you say are seen as the "all round nice guy" and you have reaped the benefits of that and unless you turn to the dark side, you will continue reaping the benefits of that. I guess that is due to your innate personality and how your parents raised you. He may feel that he is being over looked in favour of you and guys like you, and that his hard work is not being appreciated because he doesn't have the contacts and the breaks that you have. Trouble is that we are all led to believe when we are young that getting on in life is about what you know, but in reality it is more about who you know, and he is learning that the hard way I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I agree your friend probably has some resentment. You are a popular person. It's easy for you to make friends. That's a gift. As a result, some things are handed to you. That's not a bad thing for you, but it may seem unfair to others who are struggling. I have an old friend who is very social and people are always handing her jobs, but she has no work ethics and always thinks her personal life trumps coming to work, so they never last. But for any onlookers having to compete with her, they would find it very unfair. So I see where he's coming from, but he was a bit harsh. I would just tell you to help him if you ever can. He's probably just struggling a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 If you had been wearing a Monk's habit, he wouldn't have said that. because the kind of social empathy, Kindness and Compassion is indicative of someone following a Path with a Vocation, not some Joe working a full-time job and integrating fully into society.... His criticism of you sounds to me like sour grapes. Actually, think of the quotation by Isaac Newton: "If I have seen futher, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." A great man can only achieve greatness by comparison, not through uniqueness. It is by the example of god people, that you know how to be 'good' yourself.... If others were not so poor at what they contribute, but all like you, then you would not have been noticed. But you have chosen a noble path: Putting others first. Putting their needs as of paramount importance. Putting their lives as deserving of happiness. You didn't know you were Buddhist, did you - ?! Feel Compassion for him; he is "Suffering" (as we say.... ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) You must be charismatic. Plenty of people are hardworking and helpful but they still don't get favours offered to them all the time like you do. Sometimes they don't even get noticed or recognized. I don't know what your friend's work ethic is like, so it's hard to say if his resentment is justified or not, but it can certainly be frustrating to watch someone get special favours simply because he is more charming or more popular than yourself even if you work just as hard. That said. . . . I think that your friend should take a page from your book if he wants to improve his situation. Clearly you are doing something right, so there must be something he can learn from you - if he tries to. Try not to take his words too personally. Edited May 17, 2015 by SpiralOut 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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