utilisateur Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 If you are attracted to a friend, are you usually aware if they like you back? Or do you suppress how you feel? Does this change if one of you is in a relationship? Right now, I actually suppress any attraction I feel toward friends I fancy, and I don't know if this makes them think I only view them platonically. Maybe I had a chance with them but they have no idea I like them. I think that before I ask a woman out, they probably have no idea that I like them in that way. It basically comes out of left field. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 If you feel sexual attraction, you should be flirty and let them know. To do otherwise is both self-defeating and dishonest and it will land you firmly in the friendzone. You can't hardly come back from that. So if you are feeling attraction to a friend, ask them out or flirt with them. But if you've already been doing this for months, it's too late to go back now. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I think that before I ask a woman out, they probably have no idea that I like them in that way. It basically comes out of left field. people don't like surprises Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Is there usually sexual tension between attractive friends of the opposite sex? While 'attractive' is subjective, IMO if two hetero friends share attraction the only thing getting in their way of exploring that is other people, like spouses or partners, or general malaise regarding relationships. For some, not even partners get in their way. Sure, some may carry on seemingly platonic relations but, if mutual attraction is there, something will change, either they'll act on it or resolve it to a non-attractive state. I've found people who are married or in stable LTR's to be quite adept at resolving things. That makes sense since they have a purportedly loving spouse/partner and strong loving relationship at home and attractions are kind of a fun buzz which is a sideshow to the main event of family. If you are attracted to a friend, are you usually aware if they like you back? Nope, can't read minds. Or do you suppress how you feel? If they're in a relationship or married, sure, as much as possible. Usually the attraction passes with time. Does this change if one of you is in a relationship? For myself, yes. I have no idea how it is/was for present/past female friends. However, since most women I meet and know are in relationships, the vast majority, I have few samples of how things go otherwise, as a comparison. I'm simply extrapolating from a lifetime of interaction with women in general. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 If you are attracted to a friend, are you usually aware if they like you back? Or do you suppress how you feel? Does this change if one of you is in a relationship? If a person is in a relationship, and they feel an attraction strongly enough to act on it - then there's something amiss with their relationship. People in sound, healthy relationships won't 'stray' looking for a secretive hook-up.... Right now, I actually suppress any attraction I feel toward friends I fancy, and I don't know if this makes them think I only view them platonically. Maybe I had a chance with them but they have no idea I like them. I take it you're talking specifically about female friends? Women find it much easier to enter into platonic relationships than men do. As a broadly general rule of thumb, men are attracted to women in a sexual way, whereas females find it extremely easy to separate a sexually-fuelled friendship from a platonic one. Many women appreciate gay men friends, precisely because there's no pressure or agenda. I think that before I ask a woman out, they probably have no idea that I like them in that way. It basically comes out of left field. That would prove my above point. They probably have no idea, because to them, you're just a platonic guy friend. There are many stories on here about women befriending guys then discovering the guy actually has a huge crush on her.... and conversely threads from guys who are in love with some girl, but she's unaware, or he's scared of spoiling the friendship because he has a thing for her..... people don't like surprises Not like this one, we don't, you're right..... It's a real brain-wrecker..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 people don't like surprises Not like this one, we don't, you're right..... It's a real brain-wrecker..... Because the function of the guy friend, is to be there through thick and thin and to listen when the woman has problems - sometimes with the opposite sex - and he can share his problems/experiences with her too. They can vent, they can cry, they can hug. The guy friend is allowed close, but not in a sexual way, he becomes the big brother she may never have had. Turn that round to - he really has had the hots for her all along - he really just wanted to get into her panties - and it is just gross. He is then seen as sneaky and dishonest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author utilisateur Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks everyone for your answers so far. I have quite a few women I see on a regular basis, many of whom I feel an attraction toward. Should I have been flirting with all of them, and waiting for a "no" signal to stop? Because I never showed my attraction toward them, did they assume that I had no desire to get with them? Do you all flirt and wait until you see clear go-ahead signals before you ask a woman out? What if you suppressed your attraction because you were in a relationship, and now that you're single again, do you suddenly start making advances toward your attractive friends? I would think that might come off as kind of needy and scary to the woman if she's used to seeing him as just a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author utilisateur Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Thanks everyone for your answers so far. I have quite a few women I see on a regular basis, many of whom I feel an attraction toward. Should I have been flirting with all of them, and waiting for a "no" signal to stop? Because I never showed my attraction toward them, did they assume that I had no desire to get with them? Do you all flirt and wait until you see clear go-ahead signals before you ask a woman out? What if you suppressed your attraction because you were in a relationship, and now that you're single again, do you suddenly start making advances toward your attractive friends? I would think that might come off as kind of needy and scary to the woman if she's used to seeing him as just a friend. Bump. Anybody? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I think you make sure they know you are now available! In a case like that where there's more than one of them, first of all, if they know each other, pick one at a time to flirt with or ask out. If not, I'd do it with humor. I'd email or call or text and say "Hey, I'm single. Let's go do something." That lets them know you want them to know they're single and therefore want to go do something with them. Then you can be flirty and see what happens. If they're old established friends, of course, it may not work out, but you never know. It seems to me that if you've been friends awhile, you have an idea if a girl likes you for more than a friend, though. Because they may initiate seeing you more often even though you were taken or now that you're not and just be more eager. Any that you always have to be the one to initiate contact, I wouldn't try to make a move on those, only the ones who always seem eager to get together. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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