An0nymiss666 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 At one point in time I was really close with this girl and considered her my best friend, we're both girls by the way. While we were friends, and especially since then, she's made all of these terrible life choices (drugs, bad men). But I'm still left wondering if I was heartless to just cut her out of my life. This happened about two years ago. The reason we stopped talking was because she got this drug addict boyfriend that was incredibly nasty to me. From the time I met this guy all he did was harass me about "not liking him" and "trying to get her to dump him" which was all heinous garbage and I even called him out on it. I got sick of his crap, so I told him "I don't even know you well, but so far you've only given me reason to dislike you." The last time I saw them he told me that he wanted me to die in a car crash on my way home. My friend just sat there crying from some fight they already had brewing and did nothing about it. If anyone I knew told my friend to DIE in any way, shape, or form, I would've torn them a new ******* right then and there. But, that might just be me... I told my friend the next day that I refuse to be around her boyfriend anymore and I'd never let any guy treat my friends that way. It seemed as if she took it as an insult. She told me that "none of her other friends like him either" but that's no reason to stop hanging out with her. Gee, maybe that's a sign, if nobody else likes your boyfriend, then something is seriously wrong. I never even said I wouldn't see her anymore, but I guess they were a package deal because he's jealous and possessive. Even worse is that they have a baby together now. I hope to God she was clean throughout the pregnancy. We're still friends on Facebook and I reactivated my account after about a year so I checked out her page to see what was going on in her life. From what I gather, they're still together, somehow, but she's raising this baby on her own and the guy is still busy starting fights with her all of the time and being a piece of crap boyfriend. Because she displays all of this info for everyone to see. Part of me wishes I had my friend back, but I'm not sure if those feelings are valid. Maybe I just feel bad for her. Sometimes I think it's the same as a breakup with an ex: the memories of better times aren't enough to sustain a relationship where so much has changed. Any thoughts...? Should I consider contacting her or is it best to just keep on with my own life without her? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 She's stupid and desperate. I wouldn't reunite with her. It would be a bad reflection on you because has terrible taste in men. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 How long have you all been friends? Personally, I would reconnect with her. Life is too damn short. She probably needs a friend now more than ever. Also, we all make bad decisions in our lives - none of us are perfect. For whatever reason, she cared about this guy -- right or wrong. She almost sounds as if she is in an abusive relationship and there are millions of women in those. She needs friends, not friends who are going to constantly criticize her choices, but friends who support her, care for her and forgive her for mistakes. If you can do that, then reach out to her If you are only going to criticize her or tell her she is stupid for being with this dude and having a kid, then don't bother. It seems like you really don't want to be her friend -- your comment about her FB is telling -- you are already criticizing her and judging her for her comments on it. Maybe she is trying to get someone to give a damn about her and to be there for her? Have you ever had a kid with a loser and tried your best to do what is right for the kid? guess what, she is living that now and if you can't be a friend to her, just leave her alone. Lastly, just because you would do things a certain way doesn't make them right or wrong. She doesn't have to live her life the way you deem right. Maybe she doesn't have a healthy self esteem? Maybe she has abandonment issues? Maybe her 'man picker' is broken. The more I write, the more I think it is best if you just stay out of her life. She isn't living it the way you would and she doesn't need anymore people judging her or not being supportive of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author An0nymiss666 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Wow, are you really trying to make me feel bad for choosing a different life for myself? Of course I'm not going to choose to do drugs or date an abusive drug user on top of it all and have a baby. She was on birth control that worked until that point. I know nothing is 100% effective but come on. We aren't teenagers, she should know better. I never said I was better than anyone else. I've made bad choices and I've dated bad guys. But I haven't decided to straight up ruin my life with some (very obviously) terrible choices. I never said I was going to come at her swinging with insults. I think she's one of those people who thrives on the drama and trying to put together a pity party for herself when she's put herself in these situations and time and time again she won't listen to advice from others. I don't KNOW, but that's what I gather. Because she CONTINUES to put herself in these situations, I've been there through these other guys she's dated. This is just the absolute worst. I don't know how much more I'm supposed to do to help her. I asked because I kind of miss her friendship but I'd already given her my two cents on the situation when we were friends. She ASKED for my opinions. She's asked what she should do and I told her. She complains and complains about her situation and there's only so much we can say and do for others. We are grown women. I can't physically drag someone and make them do something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I think life's too short to mess with chaotic and fickle friendships, personally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 What is it that you miss about her friendship? Ask yourself what good can come of reconnecting with her? You know now she has a baby with this guy and he still is in the picture. They have issues which she openly talks about on facebook. Do you want that drama back in your life? She hasn't changed, she's probably just as miserable as she was before and now she has a baby to look after. I'm sure she feels alone but not sure what role you'll play in her life and what kind of friendship can happen. What do you expect of her and what can she bring into your life other than a boyfriend who is nasty to you and they have a drug lifestyle. Don't open that door until you're sure what it is you're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
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