I'm trapped in a lease with my emotionally unstable roommate.

[User_name1510]

I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible, but there are a lot of details. My roommate and I first became friends almost 3 years ago. We became best friends quickly, and last summer, when she'd been living with me (bills and rent free) for 6 months after a bad breakup, we decided to get a place together. It's proven to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

 

Things were normal for a few months, but she began smoking pot because of an autoimmune disorder. I was okay with this and occasionally joined in. When she began dating her dealer, things went south.

 

My boyfriend of 5 years moved in with us after it was talked about with her parents and agreed upon with us both. He pays rent and bills. When my roommate began dating her boyfriend, she told me that he'd be staying over more often, which I was okay with, but a few days later, he moved in all of his things and has been living here ever since. This wasn't discussed with me prior, and he doesn't pay rent or bills. My roommate claims she's "helping him get on his feet," but he has a job and still doesn't help out.

 

They're disgustingly messy. In the living room, there's clothes, fast food, and occasionally paraphernalia all over the place. My roommate would go through my organized closet without permission and throw my clothes everywhere, and she'd go in my bathroom to use makeup and hair products. She's the type to throw trash on the floor and not think twice.

 

They constantly smoke pot all day and night. Because of her sickness, she hasn't been in school over a year now, and her daily routine consists of getting up ~1 PM, then getting high and eating junk for the rest of the day and night. Her parents provide her with all the money in the world, so she has no need to work.

 

She's very possessive about me hanging with other friends. We've gotten into screaming matches over another girl friend of mine because my "world revolved around her," and my roommate even left me at a concert 2 hours away from home (she was my ride and had my things in her car) because another friend showed up who had planned on doing so for months. Her rationalization for this is that she's trying to "protect me."

 

Because of the pain she says she's in, she takes a lot of painkillers, many that aren't hers, and she's confessed to me that she's done heroin before and liked it. In the past, I've overheard her and her boyfriend talking about buying painkillers and selling them. She once bought ~30 painkillers that she said were as strong as heroin and reserved for terminally ill. I've seen her so strung out that she didn't know that she had no pants on. Her boyfriend enables her because she "needs her medicine" and sometimes joins in.

 

She got a cat without my permission. When I told her that I wished she'd asked first, she went berserk on me, telling me I had "no right to say sh*t" about it because I'd invited a friend of mine over a few times that she didn't like. She then told me to stop trying to turn things around to make her look like a bad person.

 

My boyfriend and I offered to move to another rental unit, and we tried to calmly explain that we weren't comfortable with all the illegal things here, but she again became hysterical, screaming at us and crying that we didn't have a right to that opinion because I have a friend who once had a painkiller problem. She then told me that I'd better not call the police because she can prove over text messages that I knew about everything and occasionally smoked pot. She began throwing pill bottles at my boyfriend and refused to let us get a word in. She wouldn't sign the papers and finally ran into her room screaming at the top of her lungs while her boyfriend ran in after her, telling her "everything would be okay."

 

Since then, we've hardly spoken a word to each other. She's kind to my boyfriend but gives me the silent treatment (she's the type to do this until I apologize). I feel I have nothing to apologize for and am content with losing her at this point. However, I fear for my safety here, and living with these two people has made me an irritable person who never wants to go home. As much as I want to call the police or tell the rental company what's going on, I'm scared she's going to implicate me, and since we're on the lease together, I feel that the rental company could evict both of us.

 

What do I do?

[writergal]

Best case scenario: you and your boyfriend pay a break-lease fee to move out before your lease ends with no problems from your landlord or your two erratic roommates. You block them from your social media and go on with life as normal.

 

*If you break the lease, you won't get evicted. If you stay, you will get evicted and possibly arrested.

 

Worst case scenario: you continue to live there with the two erratic roommates (one who happens to be illegal since he doesn't pay rent or have his name on the lease) and your boyfriend; it destroys your relationship with your boyfriend, your roommate calls the police and the four of you get arrested and now have permanent drug felony charges on your public record which prevents you from getting normal high paying jobs, and you carry around a drug stigma that will follow you for the rest of your life; you lose your job, collect unemployment and start joining your roommate and her dealer boyfriend every day to get high and then start doing hard drugs eventually. And your life becomes a caricature of that movie Pineapple Express.

 

What should you do? What you and your boyfriend tried to do but then didn't: move out. It's the only option you have if you want your situation to change and for your life to go back to normal. To stay and try to rationalize your way out of your situation, will lead to the worst case scenario, because it will be the result of a total lack of common sense. Common sense means that you move out.

[CarrieT]

Is her name on the lease? I'm confused about that...

 

If not, change the locks, pack up her stuff, and file a restraining order. She doesn't legally belong there.

 

If so, chalk it up to an expensive experience and move out as soon as financially possible.

[preraph]

You said you'd lived together for a few months, so I assume there's a few months left on the lease? Be sure you know how long your lease is. I'm not sure if paying your half to buy out of it to the landlord would work, because if you and she are both on the lease, she could decide to just up and leave and you'd still be obligated for her part (you both would but the landlord wouldn't differentiate just because you'd paid your part). I think you should read the lease thoroughly in case there's something to get you out of it easier. Maybe talk to the landlord and see if he has any suggestions. But you could get stuck with the whole bill if they don't stay there and finish the lease. You could ask her and him to leave and take over the lease yourself, but I would not move and leave them there and trust them to pay the lease since you'd still be responsible. You'd have to pay the whole thing if she left, but I'm sure the landlord would be willing with her signoff to take her name off the lease and put it all on yours.

[Standard-Fare]

1. Try once more for the "We need to change this living situation" talk. I'd recommend emailing her and her boyfriend, telling them it's past time to work out something new. Find a time for all four of you to meet together. Ask your friend and her BF can show up sober so there's less drama. (But don't count on them to follow through on that.)

 

2. If they do meet up, tell them there are two options: They move out or you and your BF move out. Tell them you want to do this ASAP. See if they'll have any reasonable discussion about that.

 

3. In the likely scenario that they won't have a reasonable discussion, I honestly don't think it's out of line for you to contact your friend's parents. They're the ones paying the rent, and it's not like she's acting like a responsible adult in any way. Plus, they should know more about the cycle of addiction and sloth their daughter is trapped in. Ask them for advice and help. Tell them that you need to get out. Your friend will never forgive you, but it's not like there's a quality friendship for you to salvage at this point.

[kendahke]

If not, change the locks, pack up her stuff, and file a restraining order. She doesn't legally belong there..

 

depending upon the state they're in, if she's been living there longer than 2 weeks and she gets mail delivered there, she is a tenant and will need to be evicted.

 

It would be far better for OP to break her lease and move out... preferably before they do so she's not stuck cleaning up the place before leaving. Op will probably lose her deposit behind these slobs.

 

OP, is your state a legalized medical marijuana state and does she have a script from a doctor to use it?

Edited February 2, 2015 by kendahke

[pink_sugar]

This is why I am not fond of roommate situations. I've heard of some nasty stories where people stay until they are taken to court and sued. I would pay the money, break the lease and move on.

[User_name1510]

Thanks for your replies so far. The only people on the lease are her and me, but my boyfriend is the only other person besides us who pitches in on the rent and bills.

 

Our lease is up on July 31st, a long ways from now. There's absolutely no way she'd ever sign for her to go or to let me go. As I said, when I try to talk to her calmly, she begins screaming at me. A lot of people just don't get that there's no negotiating with these people; they take no responsibility, and it's their way or nothing at all. Instead of trying to find common ground, their conflict resolution style is pointing out all the things the other person has done wrong, no matter how minute.

 

I live in a Southern state that isn't going to see any kind of marijuana legalization anytime soon.

 

Today, my boyfriend went into the living room to take a rug to use for a workout he's doing. When he lifted it, he found piles of dirt, food, and other items. He left it for them to clean because we vacuumed a month ago around the huge roommate fallout and haven't sat in the living room since. I came home to a note on my bedroom door from my roommate's boyfriend saying he'd "appreciate it if we cleaned up our mess," if that tells you anything.

 

I think I'm going to start documenting everything that goes on and recording whatever interactions I have to have with them anymore.

 

My boyfriend and I meet with the rental company on Wednesday to look at a new property and try to negotiate with the company on what my options are to get out of here as soon as possible. The lease for the new place we want starts in June, but since the lease I'm currently on ends in July, I'm hoping to maybe buy out my landlord for the last two months.

[preraph]

You'll have to get it in writing from him that you won't be held responsible for the lease if she stays though. Be careful about that. Don't assume that would be the case, because he has a contract stating you are responsible.

[Standard-Fare]

Is your roommate's BF a reasonable guy in any way? Obviously he's an irresponsible mooch if he's just freeloading there, but I wonder if he'd be better to have this conversation with. (That's why I suggested the four of you should all meet together to discuss this.)

 

Also, are you really willing to stay there until June? That sounds like hell on earth. You guys should be looking for options for March.

 

I think it's probably time for a talk with the landlord very soon. Probably your best best is to lose your security deposit to pay the March rent, after which this rental can become the problem of your landlord and your roommate. Paying until April 1 should give everyone ample time to figure something out. (Also, with a lot of leases, the penalty for breaking them is to lose the security deposit. So if you're willing to do that you can probably extricate yourself.)

[kendahke]

You know what? To me, if you want peace, then you're going to have to leave that place and I mean before June or July. They are basically terrorizing you, committing crimes in your home with him being a dealer--and if the police decide to do a midnight raid, they're hauling you and your boyfriend in with dude and his pot-addle brained girlfriend. Seems to me that you would do whatever you could to get as far away from that happening as you could. I frankly would have told the landlord what they were doing so that he can decide how he wants to proceed.