Tired of the silly games...

[Luckyguapa]

Hi Everyone.

I have this friend who is 38 years old. We have been friends for 10 years. We have had our fair share of arguments over the years but I really think I'm now ready to end the friendship. He doesn't work, and truthfully, it's because he is lazy. I have tried to motivate him to get a job, but all he says is "there aren't any jobs out there". He just claims benefits and sits at home all day, watching tv and drinking. Now because he isn't busy/working he expects me to be at his every beck and call. If he rings he expects me to answer or to ring back straight away, if I don't, and return his call a few hours later, he ignores it and then plays childish games, where he goes in a strop and won't ring again until days later. When I've asked him about it in the past, his response was "I've been busy", but we both know that's rubbish, and he's just been trying to "teach me a lesson". Eventually he admits it and apologises.

 

On Monday, after work I went out for a friends birthday. On my way out the door he rang, but I couldn't answer. It was late when I got home, so returned his call the next day on my break at work. He didn't answer. And hasn't rang me back since. These "games" are really starting to get me down, and I think as a 38 year old adult, it is silly.

 

As his friend, I really wish he would get off his backside and find a job, start socialising once again, and then he might come back into the real world and stop being so irrational/childish.

 

I can't continue with these games, it irritates me and brings me down. However, I am torn about cutting him off all together because he is quite clearly depressed and I don't want to be heartless by just abandoning him when at the minute he probably needs as many friends as possible.

 

Help!! Thanks for reading x

[preraph]

His world is very small right now, and you are right, as a friend, for wanting him to get himself together and get a job. I think you should tell him you believe he is depressed and to find help with his depression and that his end goal needs to be getting a job and getting a life again. Tell him that unless he takes steps to dig himself out of this hole he's in, you feel you need to move on because it's bringing you down emotionally and that you are too busy to be able to afford letting someone else's problems bring you down. Tell him that because his world is so small now, it's putting pressure on those few still in it because he has nothing but time to focus on every little thing, like not getting a return call right back from a busy person. If you know them well, enlist the help of family.

[kendahke]

Hi Everyone.

I have this friend who is 38 years old. We have been friends for 10 years. We have had our fair share of arguments over the years but I really think I'm now ready to end the friendship. He doesn't work, and truthfully, it's because he is lazy. I have tried to motivate him to get a job, but all he says is "there aren't any jobs out there". He just claims benefits and sits at home all day, watching tv and drinking. Now because he isn't busy/working he expects me to be at his every beck and call. If he rings he expects me to answer or to ring back straight away, if I don't, and return his call a few hours later, he ignores it and then plays childish games, where he goes in a strop and won't ring again until days later. When I've asked him about it in the past, his response was "I've been busy", but we both know that's rubbish, and he's just been trying to "teach me a lesson". Eventually he admits it and apologises.

 

On Monday, after work I went out for a friends birthday. On my way out the door he rang, but I couldn't answer. It was late when I got home, so returned his call the next day on my break at work. He didn't answer. And hasn't rang me back since. These "games" are really starting to get me down, and I think as a 38 year old adult, it is silly.

 

As his friend, I really wish he would get off his backside and find a job, start socialising once again, and then he might come back into the real world and stop being so irrational/childish.

 

I can't continue with these games, it irritates me and brings me down. However, I am torn about cutting him off all together because he is quite clearly depressed and I don't want to be heartless by just abandoning him when at the minute he probably needs as many friends as possible.

 

Help!! Thanks for reading x

 

I think that the kindest thing you can do is to tell him that you can't do this friendship any longer unless he is willing to change a whole lot about himself. You need to stand up for yourself. A drowning person will drag down the person trying to save them. He's beyond old enough to know better. If he doesn't work or have a life, then he should not be rewarded by your being at his beck and call to entertain him.