Sally147 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Hello, I never could quite put my finger on what the issue was between a friend and myself but over the course of years and a lot of reading, I realized she is very manipulative. Once I realized that I wanted to help protect myself without being unkind to her and still maintain a friendship with her with boundaries. As a manipulative kind of person, she always wants her way and a few weeks ago I finally had the fortitude to let her know I was not going to participate in something she wanted me to do. That started a whole new ballgame, with her ignoring my emails - and we had been good email buddies for years. After two weeks I called and asked her what was up and got the "I'm on overload" answer and she let me know she didn't want to email anymore. I said that was okay because I was not about to beg her to continue emailing, knowing that probably was the response she wanted from me so I simply said if that is what you want/need, then we will no longer email. But apparently she did not want to end our friendship - and we have a long standing relationship as friends - because she called the next week wanting to visit me. We live a distance apart and I said fine and suggested a meeting in two weeks and she said she'd have to check her schedule. I said, let me know. Now it has been a week and no phone call. I felt a week was way longer than needed for her to make a decision but knowing some tactics people use, I was not totally surprised. Here is my problem. Since it's been a week, I was not sure if I should call and let her know I went ahead and made other plans or do a wait and see if she calls and then tell her. This is now a tentative relationship between us and I don't want to fall into victim mode. Sally147 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Check back in with her now and see if you're getting together or not. If she puts you off again, tell her you need an answer within 24 hours so you can make alternate plans. Then if you don't hear from her, blow her off and make other plans. Don't wait until the last minute and let her ruin your day. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Have you made other plans? If so then by all means tell her, however if it's not true and you tell her that then you are playing the same manipulative game she is. You have left the ball in her court now let her contact you first. If she calls and your available an you want to see her great but if you have made other plans then just tell her since she didn't get back to you in a timely fashion that you went ahead and made different arrangements. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 (edited) Don't call her to tell her that you made other plans. You never had solid plans with her to begin with. The ball is in her court. It's up to her to call you. If you call her now you are just chasing after her. Edited January 24, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sally147 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Thanks for all your input. It helped me make a decision not to call her. I don't have other plans at this time so will do a wait and see if she calls soon. What bothers me is waiting around, keeping those 3 days she may visit open, knowing I could make plans with another friend if I knew she was not making the trip. How to reconcile this in my mind, I don't know! I feel like the puppet waiting for the strings to be pulled. After all these years of 'waiting on her' this may be the last time I am fooled into believing she is a real friend. Sally 147 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts