Xiang Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hello community . Another question from me, the overly-worried guy ._. . (gosh i spend to many nights thingking about stuff). My core group of friends, including what i consider to be my Best friends are slowly drifting away from me it seems, my gut feeling says so...or my insecurities. Both i guess :\ but my gut is rarely wrong. Recently a few new friends have joined the group, sure i like them too, they are very fun...so fun that my best friends (2 in number) hang with the new guys very often now ussually even without calling me. Our talks have lessened as the new interest seem more appealing, i am honestly feeling left out for what seems better options than me. What can i, should i do ? I doubt i'm overreacting. Confront about it or not...Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 No one is obligated to consult or invite everyone in a group to hang out at every occasion. Some friends are better for some things and some for others. You need to look for brand-new friends and then not introduce them to this group who you think is excluding you -- but friendships are not monogamous! Everyone has multiple friends and no one is "faithful" to any one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiang Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Maybe i don't understand how friendships are supposed to work. How can you not be "faithfull" to your friends? :\ I think they are a big part of your life, not talking about aquaintances. People i have been there for, helped, as if my own familly. Sure i have met people that would fit your description, not faithfull to friends who dumped me for verious simple reasons. But i have never done so :\, i literally treat the ones really dear to me, like familly. And i just seem to not be good enough anymore, often they end up back to me, because the new friends turn out to be dicks that dissapointed in some way and dumped them. But then i wonder...what am i good for, just always being there for them when things turn south :\...or. I could just be creticizing myself to harshly. Sometimes this whole friends business seems like a Bf/GF relationship ._. . Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Friends come and go. Friends are mostly there to have fun with. Friends need to have things in common to remain friends. Friends are not obligated or committed to continuing to be friends when it is no longer fun. Friends are always free to keep accumulating and finding new friends and leaving others behind they are not having as much fun with. Just because you meet someone doesn't make them a friend. A friend initiates contact and invites you places at the bare minimum, and may also end up being a personal connection who confides in you. Few friends want a one-way connection, though, where one person seems to mostly want to confide in them and talk about themselves. It's either mutual, or it's not on. Friends are under no contract to maintain any certain level of contact with you, but if they really like you, they will give you more time of course. But friends don't just make a commitment to only be your friend and no one else's or to always invite you to whatever they're doing. Anyone wanting that would be considered overly needy and also selfish and self-absorbed. Just because you may want to be friends with someone also doesn't mean they will be friends back or any any interest. In general, with friends, to me, it's three things: Have a lot in common, don't backstab your friends, and you have to be fun to be around, entertaining. There's just no reason to spend time with someone who isn't entertaining and fun to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiang Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) Okay then guess i've been doing it all wrong, i don't treat people like that. I give them my full dedication, maybe i just care to much. Totally depressed persons noone would hang around with, etc. Well nevermind. Edited January 6, 2015 by Xiang Link to post Share on other sites
La Trese Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 It happens. I am currently going through the same thing. Just know that friendships change and when its not mutual thats when you feel left out. I remember freshman year of college I drifted away from my group from high school to join one of people from my major and it happened naturally and me and the other friends didn't think too much into it. But when my 2nd friend group drifted away it wasn't mutual fand it hurt a lot more. Both friend groups drifted in the same way but the second time I didn't naturally flow into another one. But yeah it happens and it sucks when it isn't smooth, but you will find new friends I promise :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiang Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Whatever happened to long-life friends like my Father's and bro's. Dang it. Link to post Share on other sites
La Trese Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Whatever happened to long-life friends like my Father's and bro's. Dang it. Thats rare I guess nowadays. Be thankful if you can make even one lifelong friend in your entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
karmasama Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 There is a line between Friends and just "friends". Many "friends" can be more like acquaintances, really. If they don't want to involve in the group, try gradually get involve in another circles, get to know people closer to your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It looks like your gut is right and they dont think it would be cool to hang out with you. Friendships come and go. If they, your former friends made new friends - then why cant you? You are not obliged to be friends with a just few people for a lifetime. Find some new friends for yourself (I know, easier said than done). Someone posted this. I cried the first time I read it, so easy, so true: How to Decide if Your Friend is a True Friend: 12 Steps When Should You Give Up on a Friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
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