Anyone got any insight?

[Feelbettersoon]

I'm stuck at a breaking point now, with my friendships. This year has been tough as I had two major losses in my life (not deaths just to clear that up).

 

In my opinion - if one of my friends were going through a terrible time, i'd instantly want to be there, and make sure they are ok. With my friends, that is not the case. We are all in our mid twenties.

 

So this year not only have I been through some pretty awful things, but not one of my friends have contacted me. I only ever hear from them if I initiate contact. Theres three main friends that i've known for 6+ years, and one has bailed at every plan this year, then when i get frustrated (i.e.... I turn up at a place, or am getting ready just to get a "something else came up" or "I'm too tired") I'm the bad guy for getting upset because I really look forward to the very few plans I have? I don't understand how someone doesn't feel guilty bailing knowing that I'm on my way or have turned up.

 

The other friend is so preoccupied in her relationship that we haven't hung out since the beginning of the year. I've tried to initiate meeting up but its always 'ill let you know when I'm free'

 

And the third, only hear from her when I text, and she will be nice and chatty, but If i didn't text her for a month or two I wouldn't hear anything.

 

These people were my best friends, who I was always either with or texting or on the phone too, and I feel this year that all fizzled out.. There were no major fights either that caused this... I'm so confused, and all i want is to be out and social and start healing from this year but its hard when I feel like they don't care anymore.

 

I absolutely hate sitting in now, I used to be out of my house nearly 6 days a week having fun and now pretty much nothing.

 

P.s they all forgot my birthday too

[d0nnivain]

Sadly over the years I have learned that I am a better friend than most people. It hurts on occasion but there is not much I can do other than accept it & move on.

 

 

You could talk about what happened but that might not even motive them to say they are sorry.

 

 

People get busy in their own lives & don't always realize when someone near them needs support.

[Dreamworld]

I'm stuck at a breaking point now, with my friendships. This year has been tough as I had two major losses in my life (not deaths just to clear that up).

 

In my opinion - if one of my friends were going through a terrible time, i'd instantly want to be there, and make sure they are ok. With my friends, that is not the case. We are all in our mid twenties.

 

So this year not only have I been through some pretty awful things, but not one of my friends have contacted me. I only ever hear from them if I initiate contact. Theres three main friends that i've known for 6+ years, and one has bailed at every plan this year, then when i get frustrated (i.e.... I turn up at a place, or am getting ready just to get a "something else came up" or "I'm too tired") I'm the bad guy for getting upset because I really look forward to the very few plans I have? I don't understand how someone doesn't feel guilty bailing knowing that I'm on my way or have turned up.

 

The other friend is so preoccupied in her relationship that we haven't hung out since the beginning of the year. I've tried to initiate meeting up but its always 'ill let you know when I'm free'

 

And the third, only hear from her when I text, and she will be nice and chatty, but If i didn't text her for a month or two I wouldn't hear anything.

 

These people were my best friends, who I was always either with or texting or on the phone too, and I feel this year that all fizzled out.. There were no major fights either that caused this... I'm so confused, and all i want is to be out and social and start healing from this year but its hard when I feel like they don't care anymore.

 

I absolutely hate sitting in now, I used to be out of my house nearly 6 days a week having fun and now pretty much nothing.

 

P.s they all forgot my birthday too

 

I am sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel. It really is true the saying that people's true colors come out in times of trouble right?

 

If it makes you feel any better, I find that at times like these out of the blue new friends will enter your life. Good friends. The whole cliched when one door closes another one opens but I really find it to be true. I had to move on from people who I thought we would be friends forever, but I went through a very difficult time in my life, they showed me that they werent really good friends. I accepted it, and moved on. And they didnt even contact me once afterwards asking me where I had gone, how I was doing.

 

Hang in there!

[Feelbettersoon]

Any advice how i would approach said friends, as I feel like I tend to always say the wrong thing? What would you say?

[preraph]

You definitely need new friends, and knowing what you know about who you attract as friends now, it's important to start weeding them out early rather than later. Once a person finds out you'll keep the friendship going despite them cancelling and not putting anything into it, a whole lot of them will just do that -- that way, they get everything their own way all the time! Once you see someone doing that to you and you can tell it's not for any legit reason, it's time to move on. At your age, making friends is as simple as starting a new job (or a second job) or taking up a new activity, so make a change to meet new people and don't ever keep them once they disrespect you. Keep looking until you find one who gives as good as they get from you and at that point, you'll probably also get to meet their circle of friends who may be like them as well. Good luck.

[Satu]

If you want love, be loving.

 

If you want peace, be peaceful.

 

If you want friendship, be friendly.

 

If you want forgiveness, be forgiving.

 

If you want help, be helpful.

 

If you want fun, be fun.

 

- Everything begins and ends with oneself.

Edited December 23, 2014 by Satu