HGirl Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 When I was younger, I suffered from crippling shyness and low self esteem. I found it difficult to make friendships. I had one best friend through high school. She was a poor friend - she would put me down in front of others, she would try and control me, she was jealous of every achievement I had. I eventually had enough, and ended our friendship. Sadly, all our mutual friends flocked to her. No matter because I moved to uni and made a new friendship group. This included a new best friend. Sadly, she was VERY similar to my previous friend. Although my confidence had grown dramatically, I was in a vulnerable position, having just moved and relocated my life. So I let her get away with bullying behaviour. We had a LOT in common, we had a lot of fun together and she did a lot of sweet things for me, but she still would put me down in front of others, she would try and control me, she was jealous of every achievement I had, just as before. In took me 4 years to realise what a p*** poor friend she really was. Having tried heart-to-hearts with her, I ultimately sent a text when I lost my temper that effectively called her out on her behaviour. What happened next was a similar situation as before - it emerged she had been bitchy about me. She had spread falsehoods and her own interpretations of the truth to our mutual friends. She went crying to our friends, saying what an unsupportive friend I had been when she went through a tough time (untrue). She cried in front of them, despite never shedding a tear in our conversations (though I did). Basically she painted me as a villain, and she was able to easily because she'd been bitching/complaining about me all along. She had bitched about our friends to me, which had been a strong factor in our fall-out. I don't like it, it's immature and its plain manipulative. So I had never told them all the stuff she;d said about them, and I couldn't tell them now because it looked like I was just trying to bad mouth her. I was in an impossible situation. Although I have remained friends with them, it has very much damaged my other friendships because of all the untruths she has told. They believe her because they don't realise her true colours. She doesn't treat them the way she treated me. I am planning on moving to a new city for a career changes.With this new start, I want to make sure I don't fall into the same trap again. I have gained a lot of confidence and my ability to speak up for myself now and challenge her behaviour, is what led to our friendship break up. I think I will be able to spot another one like her, but I think another problem is that I can seem quite cold a distant. There is a reason for this, which I won't go into but I am aware I find it difficult to open up and gain peoples' loyalty. Had my friends been more loyal to me, my ex-Best friend wouldn't have been able to paint such a poor picture of me so easily, and they wouldn't have sided with her the minute she showed up with her crocodile tears. How can I avoid similar situations in future?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Seek professional psychological help. I don't say this as a villain. Otherwise you will find that your problems KEEP repeating again and again... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I think moving to a new city, cutting off all those old friends (you don't want them infecting the new ones!), and just making new friends is the way to go. You be sure you don't put up with any treatment from the new friends that you wouldn't feel right doing to someone. Don't make excuses for them and keep them around if they're jerks. Ask yourself is this how I'd want to be treated and how I'm trying to treat others. If not, move on to a new one. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 you should have dropped them at the first sign of trouble not that bitchy or otherwise unpleasant ppl go easily, for you are their poodle, their underling, and in you dropping them they will feel diminished just phase them out, do not be around much, no phoning back immediately, less phoning over time, til contact fades altogether choose nicer ppl next time, my two cents is see if they are kind, then you will be in safe/r company 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) I had exactly the same situation years ago. I was backstabbed and ostracized yet everyone took her side. I cut the whole group off. Ive tried therapy before but wasn't helpful or insiteful. Edited November 7, 2014 by Sugarkane 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Seek professional psychological help. I don't say this as a villain. Otherwise you will find that your problems KEEP repeating again and again... What if professional help does nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
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