Jump to content

My best friend/roommate has turned out to be a complete child.


BornToDie

Recommended Posts

We've lived together since June and never have lived together before; we've been friends for almost 3 years. I'm 21, and she is 23. Before we moved in together, I recognized that she was messy (AKA piles of clothes, leaving cups in various places), but I figured it was something I could handle. However, living with her has turned out to be worse than I initially imagined.

 

When we first started living together, things went well. Soon, though, there were things about her that I'd never really noticed (or have gotten worse) until now.

First, she has countless piles of clothes in her room, and she's never organized. Though I am what's considered "messy," I like to say that I keep an "organized mess" because I know where everything is. It's not too out of control. My closet is color coordinated and very organized, and she will come into my closet when I'm not home, go through various outfits, and neglect to hang them back up where she found them. This results in all of MY clothes being on my closet floor with the hangers all over the place, essentially looking like a tornado hit. If she borrows my clothes and I ever want to see them again, I have to take them back when she puts them in the dryer.

In one particular instance, I was folding laundry (which she never does) and noticed a few pieces of underwear had gone missing. She wasn't home, so I walked in her room, and there my panties were. I thought it was disgusting that she would take underwear from me, and when I confronted her about it, she said that she was "carrying my clothes into my room, saw the underwear, and thought it was hers." I thought that was bogus, but whatever. I labelled all my underwear with a Sharpie and moved on.

As a sidenote, she also neglects to do any housework outside of the kitchen. She's constantly leaving crumbs all over the couch and floors, but she says she doesn't care to clean any of it up. Last week, I came home to a full Chinese dinner left over numerous plates on the couch, and she had used my TV, Xbox, and sound bar but never turned any of them off. She went to bed after this and had no intention of cleaning up that night.

 

She does have cancer. It's just about in remission. I'm completely understanding of her weird sleeping hours, but ever since she was diagnosed, she started smoking pot because it helped her pain/nausea/appetite/etc. I occasionally smoke pot, but I do it in the living room, light candles, Febreeze, circulate air, etc. and I do it very rarely, maybe on weekends. She doesn't do any of that. She sits in her room and will smoke pot all night, every night, and she says she has no plans on stopping, even after she isn't sick anymore. We live in a duplex-like structure, and my neighbor (whom I am friends with) has told me that his wife (whom I am not friends with) says she smells it through the wall and has threatened to call the police (though she's never approached me about it). The result of this is me running after my roommate, lighting candles and making sure the place smells immaculate because I'm paranoid. My roommate keeps telling me she isn't going to call the police, and it's not a big deal.

 

The biggest difference between my roommate and myself (if you haven't noticed already) is responsibility, especially when it comes to paying bills. Again, I am 21, and she is 23. I am very anal about paying bills on time, and I even put a big expo board in the living room that has our different bill amounts and due dates. The bills are in my name. The first bill we had, though I put a notice on the fridge and reminded her, she forgot to pay. This made me pretty angry seeing as I'd reminded her. She started crying and told me that I'd only reminded her twice (TWO TIMES) and that the only reason she remembered any of her doctor's appointments was because her mom reminded her every day. At 23 years old, I just feel she should be more responsible than this. I keep a planner with all of this info so I know when to expect it, and she relies on other people to let her know.

 

This past summer (June until now), I changed my diet and exercise habits, and I've lost almost 40 pounds. This is something I'm really proud of because I've worked so hard. My roommate, on the other hand, eats fried food every day, and she snacks on junk food all night. However, she's really insecure, and when she looks at my body, I can tell it bothers her. As a result, she says things like, "yeah, I haven't eaten at all this week. I'm trying to lose some weight. I'm glad we could do this anorexic thing together." Then, she proceeds to eat junk food. Whenever I'm off to the gym and she sees me leaving, she just laughs and says, "have fun." I sometimes feel like she's trying to make me feel guilty for losing weight the right way. Whenever I post a picture on social media of me in a new outfit I could never wear before, she has to post a provocative picture saying how she's so "proud of her body."

 

I drew the line this weekend after we went to a music festival. We took both of our boyfriends (I've been with my boyfriend 5 years, and she hasn't been with hers a month yet). After a month of telling me that she'd booked a hotel room, the day we left for the festival, she was frantically struggling to book a room, saying "my mom screwed it all up." The next day, our checkout time was at 12 noon. My boyfriend and I went to bed early, got up, ate breakfast, got ready, and were out on time. However, we had to drive around the hotel for an hour and end up paying for extra parking because my roommate neglected to get out of her room on time. At noon, when I was checked out, she was just getting in the shower. We'd already stated the checkout time and had agreed upon it three times. This made me extremely angry, but we weren't late to the festival, so I tried to shake it off.

Later that night, at dinner, though, my boyfriend jokingly brought it up. As a result, my roommate got really offended and kept asking him why he said that because "it was so sh*tty for him to say."

Additionally, she and her new boyfriend constantly argue. When the four of us are hanging out, they bicker the entire time, and she'll look at my boyfriend and me and say things like, "I'm glad you're having fun because my boyfriend hates me and won't talk to me."

 

Lastly, my roommate gets really upset when I hang out with another girlfriend in particular. I don't know why this is, but whenever I bring up the girl (who hardly comes around), my roommate starts rolling her eyes. I have plenty of other girlfriends that my roommate does not get upset about whatsoever. We've gotten into a screaming match before because my roommate accused me of "my world revolving around" this other friend of mine, and that's ridiculous to me because I've tried my hardest to make all of my friends happy. It's just this one girl she gets so upset about. She's so very easily offended and had conjured up in her head that she was going to lose me and that I "hated her."

 

So that's the situation in a nutshell.. Is there something I'm missing or need to improve on? How do I address any of this, if at all? Like I said, she's easily offended, and I feel that I have to walk on eggshells with words I say so as to not upset her. When I try to talk about these things and am totally calm, she'll start crying and go in her room, slam the door, etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i've had a friend whom i knew for a long time, but then started to realize we didn't really click and had problems after we moved in together. And everything became better in my life after i kept her out of my life. Your friend seems to be really irresponsible and ...weird. Her sickness is not an excuse, imo. Just... don't let her in your life anymore? Idk don't let her make you feel guilty and all worked up. Your own happiness is really important, too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So far from fixable its funny. Some of the stuff you mentioned is totally irrelevant to anything (how clean her room is, who gives a ****, you don't really live in that space), other things are very creepy and weird (borrowing your underwear, going into your room when you aren't around, borrowing your clothes without asking, not returning them), others could get you jail time - specifically the pot, ITS A BIG DEAL. Oh and the not being able to talk about things for me is a deal breaker on its own.

 

It does suck she wants to remain friends with you and that option is no longer on the table. I moved in with a very good friend and lived with him for 2 years, and by the end of 2 years he had destroyed the friendship forever. He cried, but honestly too bad, he shouldn't have destroyed it.

 

As far as continuing to live there it will be very tough. In these situations I usually stop talking to them because they are toxic. However she is doing multiple things that should not be solved by you just never being around - in particular the borrowing your clothes, and the pot thing and the money.

 

Oh and the friend is ridiculous as well. I don't dictate who anyone is friends with whether I live with them or not. I guess if someone was friends with someone that like was in a gang, or did things that brought me into danger, then I'd say he/she can't come over, but she just thinks your too good friends with her. Definitely too bad for her, and I would be pissed she keeps getting mad.

 

Anyhow way beyond the point of no return. Multiple things in here on their own would be enough to call it quits, but there's like 5+ things that are major problems that she will not deal with.

 

There is literally so many major issues I doubt I remember to include all of them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...