when you want nothing to do with a troubled friend?

[badfriend]

Ok, I'm willing to preface this with I'm a terrible friend and maybe person so just bear with me. I'll just give the back-story on our meet first so you can all see how odd this really is for me. Sorry, it'll be a bit long.

 

 

We met, I'll call her Sue, about 3 months ago during a mixer event and initially we hit it off pretty well. I had even given her a ride there and back because she had no transportation of her own so we knew each other a bit even before then. Later that night after the event though, she calls me. I'm thinking she just left something in my car so I pick it up. What I get instead is this hour long expose about how much her boyfriend wants to leave, how she doesn't have any real friends in the area, her depression, and more explaining to me she didn't have anyone else to call.

 

 

Having zero idea how to take this at all in, I try to be friendly and invite her out for a dinner/drinks so she can someone to talk to as I had just had a break too and could sympathize. I thought it was going well since her demeanor was improving throughout dinner so after we're done, I begin driving her back home thinking I'd done good work ready to pat myself on the back until I realize how absolutely terrible she is with alcohol.

 

 

 

Sue's passing out in the passenger seat and I essentially have to prop her up to get her into her house (She has roommates but apparently has no personal relationships with any of them). She stumbles around inside and actually tries to find more alcohol and I basically have to restrain her from it and force her to watch TV with me on the sofa while I try to make conversation. I can see she's getting tired so I drag her into her bed and tell her I'm leaving and I'll check up on her tomorrow morning. She asks for a glass of water and I figure what the heck so I get one from the kitchen. I come back and find her with a blade in hand ready to cut herself but too drowsy to do so. At this point I just say whatever, take the blade from her and drag her into the bed again and holding her close and pleading with her that everything will be OK until she finally goes to bed @ 3AM. I do not get any sleep this night for obvious reasons. In the morning she's sober and basically apologizes and tells me how great a guy I am to basically help a stranger through all that, how she really wants to be friends blah blah.

 

 

Fast forward to today, I've started seeing a woman for a month now. I've hung out with Sue multiple times since that night and she's actually is really fun to be with when not loco. I wish I could say things got bright and sunny for her since that night but she has had a few episodes like that since where she has again relied on me to help her, it just seems like every time she starts progressing she lapses again and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore or what else I can do to help. If I were still single I'd be more 'fine' with the 'arrangement' but since I'm seeing someone I know I need to take care of myself and cut down time with her and more time with the what-could-be GF. I've left out plenty of details but something in her life would make it very difficult for her to seek professional help. I don't know, I'm tired and just think it's best for us to stop everything as I don't believe it's healthy for either party. I have no idea how to go about it though.

[Mysterio]

Cut down the time with Sue and make everything time sensitive to the point where you only have an hour to spare.

 

Don't feel guilty about it. If she wants to spend more time with you. She will have to lighten up.

[preraph]

You will have to set boundaries. First of all, tell her you're with someone and need to spend more time with her and finding time is hard. And as the above poster said, literally plan things that are finite, like lunch, and then you have to leave and be somewhere. Sounds like she has a drinking problem. I think she would find a lot of sympathetic ears in AA. People who like to talk a lot about their issues generally get something out of AA, plus it teaches them to reciprocate the care. So you might suggest that or counseling.

[Toodaloo]

You are not a bad friend. You are also not a professional counselling service either.

 

This girl needs professional help. You are not a professional.

 

This girl has latched onto someone who is basically a stranger and is crying for help. You are NOT the right person to give that help. AA would be a good start.

 

Suggest you advise her that she does need help, cut back on the time spent with her, ensure that none of those meeting have booze involved and be firm with her on time etc.