Why does he always end up disappearing?

[BornToDie]

I've known this guy since elementary school, and we've had a romantic past. Mostly, though, it was two best friends who fooled around a bit and had chemistry, but there was never really a "right time" for us. We were close years ago, but when college started, we moved on. I've always kept him in mind on birthdays, etc. but have never really bothered him otherwise. Every few months, I would hear something from him, and we'd exchange messages, but soon I just wouldn't get a response, and again, I wouldn't bother him.

 

Last week was his birthday. I didn't say anything at first, but after a few days, I shot him a text that said "happy late birthday, hope it was a good one." He responded and said, "thanks, how have you been?" We steadily talked that whole day. He told me that he wanted to be my friend after all that's happened, that he missed talking to me, and that if he were in town sometime soon, he'd like to catch up.

 

I didn't expect to hear from him again, but the next night, he texted me, "what's up?" I was very surprised. We texted that whole night, just talking like we used to, no flirtation.

The next day, we spoke a little, and right when the conversation got interesting (some flirting on his end), he didn't respond. I shrugged it off and figured he was busy and that we'd just talk later. After 3 days of not hearing from him, I texted him earlier today: "what's up?"

 

He hasn't responded, but he has been on Facebook, and it hurts my feelings. I know not to expect anything, but still, why say you want to be a part of my life and then just disappear without warning? Why not be honest about it? Why talk to me to begin with? Should I just let this go? It hurts because I feel this person knows me so well and still means a lot to me.

[Tbisb74]

Obviously the intensity of the emotion is not reciprocated. He doesn't care as much as you do. As has been written elsewhere on this forum, "It's the one who cares the least, who controls the most." He's dangling you on a yo-yo string - and doesn't even know it. Your feelings obviously run deeper than his, and he doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour. There is no commitment, no official status, no connection greater than the one you see. You imagine too much. You need to chill, because this is one-sided, and the only one going through the mill, is you.