THB1 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I have this friend that I've been friends with for over 10 years since we were in high school together. We were really close for a many years and even worked together at two different places but now that we are in our mid 20s things have kind of shifted. We are in two different places in our lives and I feel like she's really judgmental about everything so I don't bother to tell her much anymore because she reacts so strongly. She moved away about two years ago and lives an hour away from me. I'm currently at my parents and in college. She has a successful career and that's great but all she does is brag about money and how great she is. We have plans for tomorrow but my car is in the shop and now she is not willing to drive here and wants me to drive up there. I'm just over it Link to post Share on other sites
Ajen Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Yes, I realised in particular last year and early this year there were some people that are just not my kind of people anymore and I let them go. Its natural that people grow apart. If you cant get up to her tomorrow and she isn't willing to come down cancel the plans and do something alone or with another friend. I wouldn't say to her "I don't want to be friends" but let the relationship end naturally or as naturally as you can by not contacting her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sickoflove11 Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I am just beginning to realize my best friend and I are out growing each other. It's like because we are at different stages in our life and value different things, we can't communicate anymore without me "hurting her feelings" I am always the bad guy now it seems just because I don't let little things bother me. She can tell me things but if I were to tell her what she is telling me, she would be so upset and ignore me. It's like we are in high school again, we are going backwards. The closest friends I have lost in the last 3 years are because they were so judgmental. That's not someone I want to be around and honestly I just had to let them go. It's not fair to us. In 2 years I could see being exactly where you are, me still in college, and her being successful and bragging about her new fabulous life. But we won't get there, the friendship is already over. You shouldn't be the one putting in all the effort, you'll just end up getting hurt and wishing you put your energy elsewhere. We don't need people like them in our lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Supernatural Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Friends can be exhausting. My best friend always ditches me for his girlfriend. Needless to say, life happens, and people grow apart. Nothing personal. The ground just shifts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kajla00007 Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Yes it really hurts when a close friend leave hand and go away. but when he goes due to some misunderstanding then that hurt more but if they judge us wronge then we should let them go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Yes! Being 35 and a mom, I don't like going to bars every weekend and getting drunk with my best friend. Not only that, I rather spend my money on different things and not wasted calories! Wanting to settle down, I usually make plans for dates on the weekends. She'll ask me if I want to go out with her (to a bar) and if I say I have a date she gets upset and says I ditch her for guys. I have to lie to her about my plans at times just to avoid her immaturity. It's like we are in high school all over again. She also doesn't understand that my financial priorities are very different from hers. I have a teenager who just started driving and will be going to college next year...both of these things are not easy on my pocketbook! She wants to go to Vegas for her birthday and I simply cannot afford it. If I could, I probably wouldn't anyway. I rather apply that money to my son's college fund or to savings. However, she'll make comments like "come on. It's not going to cost that much. $300 for the ticket, $300 for hotel, and we'll eat cheap!" Comments like that make me feel so poor! She has no kids, no debt, and makes good money so for her $1,000 is nothing. For me, it's A LOT even though I also make good money for a single mom. It's so frustrating. I sometimes want to end our friendship, but we've had so many good memories in the past. I just wish she would grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
sickoflove11 Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Yes! Being 35 and a mom, I don't like going to bars every weekend and getting drunk with my best friend. Not only that, I rather spend my money on different things and not wasted calories! Wanting to settle down, I usually make plans for dates on the weekends. She'll ask me if I want to go out with her (to a bar) and if I say I have a date she gets upset and says I ditch her for guys. I have to lie to her about my plans at times just to avoid her immaturity. It's like we are in high school all over again. My best friend and I just turned 21 so it's a little different situation than yours but I feel exactly the way you do. I'm over the partying all the time, once in a while is fine but she is so into being 21 now and a senior in college that this is the time of her life. I turned 21 a couple months before her and had my fun then haha. I do not like spending my money on drinking either. Our friendship seemed unaffected for so long by our different paths in life but 21 really changed something and not for the better like we thought it would. I wish my friend would grow up but we do not live near each other so she will continue with her life and I will with mine. We had so many good memories of course as well, but it's not worth it. We are at different places than them and I think it is not worth it. Maybe if you start to disconnect from her she will come around. Usually I would think if you have to lie to your friend thats never a good sign.... but I told my friend the truth and that's why we are no long friends. She asked me a question and didn't like my answer so this is really all on her. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I hear you. I don't have a lot of my contact with my high school friends. I'd say I'm still really close to one, but she is in another state, otherwise I think we'd hang out more if we lived closer. We still connect when she comes back to the state to visit friends and family and she makes an effort to see me if our schedules allow. However, all of my high school friends are still single, some still living with their parents and I've been married for 6 years. I think I have drifted apart from some of them, but we still try and catch a coffee every now and then. Since we've moved, we're trying to meet more couple friends to go out and have dinner/drinks with. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 We do outgrow friends sometimes. No matter what is going on. I am starting to feel that sometimes it's better to have this happen sometimes. Not everyone is on the same page. I have 3 male friends like this. I just say to myself that I have other more important things to do. I have about 18 friends. So if I do not see three of them on a regular basis so be it. One of them is salvagable. All DT has to do is call 2 x a month. It's not that we have to see each other face to face all the time. It's just that we have lost that personal conversation. It's like I am more introsoective and DT is more about gaming and tv/movie geared. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I grew apart from a highschool friend when I realized I don't respect her anymore. That, plus she takes her frustrations out on me. She hasn't grown up at all. I don't like the way she talks around her kids. She's an extremely angry person and always has been. I overlooked it in the past but I can't anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 About every couple years I "clean house" in regards to friendships. The ones who remain are the core people I love. The past 3 years I haven't made a huge effort to make friendships IRL. I've met some incredible people online who I hope to grow closer to though. And now that I'm married with a baby due shortly, many people have distanced themselves from me. That's just life. The good ones will stick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxmusical Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I truly hate it when "friends" brag about their own life. I have a "best friend" whom I've known since HS as well, but nowadays I often consider her as my "frenemy" instead because bragging and acting bossy is her life. Back in HS I would let her boss me around because I had no mind of my own lol. But now that I realized her true character and the way her actions affect me, I found that I have "outgrown" this friendship. We're still friends, but most of the times I find myself putting in more effort (while she complains that she doesn't have any friends). Friendship is a two-way street. If one side isn't willing to put effort to make the friendship work, and the other side realizes the imbalance, it's time to "outgrow" this friendship and move on. Doesn't mean you have to stop being friends, but it's more like letting "BFF" fade to "friends." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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