rahul gupta Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) please help me what to do hello every one..this is my first love and its real..the girl who was my college mate..that time we did not talk with each other..but now we became best friends that we even had discussed non veg jokes and all..she had 2 break ups..she is very scared about relationship and all..i told her i love her a lot in text message .. she at first was too confused..and then she asked tell me what should i do ..then i told i am not forcing to love me back...that was my mistake i should not have told that..after some days when i sent her i love her.. she told stop this..don't chat with me.. i don't want lose her so i told her i have moved and u forget everything and this was my second mistake what can i do i can't see her in confusion so i told i like that. After that she started talking with me..but just as common friend...i cry every day for her...i love a lot..i am not able sleep for 2 night thinking about her... i am good looking and she can love me..but she is afraid because of earlier breakups..so now what should i do...i need to talk with her as a friend..or go propose to her..please help please please.... i don't know what to do....i am 18..though girls try to attract me...i did not look at them because i listen to my heart...she is only my love i can't be without her...but i don't know how should i react with her now..because by mistake i had told i have moved on!!!! please help me:eek: Edited July 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 You are young & inexperienced & it came through to hurt you. First, you don't tell girls you are not already in a relationship with that you love them. You can tell them you like them but not love them. Never say I love you for the first time via text. Text is a terrible way to communicate initial feelings or anything that requires subtext / context. Third, you are taking this too hard. Yes, rejection hurts but you didn't lose a GF. You lost a crush. You will get over this. Especially since you mention that other girls like you, pursue one of them. They will help you heal from the girl who made a different choice. Finally, you are doing the right thing by respecting her wishes to stop chatting with her. She now knows that you like her but because she doesn't share your feelings she knows it's not fair to lead you on by trying to be only your friend when you want more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rahul gupta Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 You are young & inexperienced & it came through to hurt you. First, you don't tell girls you are not already in a relationship with that you love them. You can tell them you like them but not love them. Never say I love you for the first time via text. Text is a terrible way to communicate initial feelings or anything that requires subtext / context. Third, you are taking this too hard. Yes, rejection hurts but you didn't lose a GF. You lost a crush. You will get over this. Especially since you mention that other girls like you, pursue one of them. They will help you heal from the girl who made a different choice. Finally, you are doing the right thing by respecting her wishes to stop chatting with her. She now knows that you like her but because she doesn't share your feelings she knows it's not fair to lead you on by trying to be only your friend when you want more. your not getting me...its a real love not a crush...she is everything for me...i don't want many girls around me..but only her....she is my life...and she was my very best friend...first love is last love for me..tell me how should talk back with her now Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I remember you. You can't force a girl to love you. They have their own needs in their mind about who they will be in love with. It is common for love to not be returned. It happens to everyone. You can't make her love you and need to stop all contact. I'm sorry you're hurt. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 your not getting me...its a real love not a crush...she is everything for me...i don't want many girls around me..but only her....she is my life...and she was my very best friend...first love is last love for me..tell me how should talk back with her now No I understood everything you said. I am disagreeing with you & pointing out where you went wrong & why. Unless you are in a mutual relationship with her -- which you are not -- at best it's unrequited "love" but really it's more of a crush because you like her but she doesn't feel the same way about you. Until you stop wanting a romance with her, you Can't talk to her because even though you don't get it, she understands that she has to keep her distance from you. If she tried to be your friend & talk with you at this point it will give you false hope that it will eventually turn into something more. You think you can make her fall in love with you by being around & being nice to her. You can't. All you will do is alienate her or worse, get yourself a front row seat to her new romance with another guy when that comes along. You are behaving like a love sick puppy. That's not a terrible thing. I'm not trying to demean you or downplay how much what you are feeling hurts. I am trying to show you --logically -- that it's time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rahul gupta Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 No I understood everything you said. I am disagreeing with you & pointing out where you went wrong & why. Unless you are in a mutual relationship with her -- which you are not -- at best it's unrequited "love" but really it's more of a crush because you like her but she doesn't feel the same way about you. Until you stop wanting a romance with her, you Can't talk to her because even though you don't get it, she understands that she has to keep her distance from you. If she tried to be your friend & talk with you at this point it will give you false hope that it will eventually turn into something more. You think you can make her fall in love with you by being around & being nice to her. You can't. All you will do is alienate her or worse, get yourself a front row seat to her new romance with another guy when that comes along. You are behaving like a love sick puppy. That's not a terrible thing. I'm not trying to demean you or downplay how much what you are feeling hurts. I am trying to show you --logically -- that it's time to move on. no actually loves me too i can feel that..but she is not saying it..because she thinks all guys are same there is no real love..and i was her very closest friend on the earth....she know everything about me..i know her more than she knows herself....first a fall i need to make her come out of those false myth that she as in her mind about all guys are same. She told if you had told this earlier it was good i would have thought of it. But now i don't courage being in relationship i am afraid of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rahul gupta Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 I remember you. You can't force a girl to love you. They have their own needs in their mind about who they will be in love with. It is common for love to not be returned. It happens to everyone. You can't make her love you and need to stop all contact. I'm sorry you're hurt. It sucks. preraph....this is different .. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 If she told you that she is a afraid of all men, all you can do is give her space. If you pressure her you will simply reinforce what she already thinks -- that all men are jerks. At this point she is hurting but I suspect that she has already placed you in the friendzone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rahul gupta Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) If she told you that she is a afraid of all men, all you can do is give her space. If you pressure her you will simply reinforce what she already thinks -- that all men are jerks. At this point she is hurting but I suspect that she has already placed you in the friendzone. no not fully friendzoned there are chances she needs to know me more..that how much i love her..she is the only girl for me i whom i have ever loved how can i lose her so easily..all this happened on messaging.. i think i should again become her friend..by my self.. Edited July 30, 2014 by rahul gupta Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Text & e-mails are the worst ways to communicate genuine emotion. Stop trying to build a healthy relationship through artificial means. Spend time with the woman if you plan to pursue her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jeffmeyers Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 There's a fine line between measured persistence and creepy desperation. The latter will never get you any girl. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rahul gupta Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 There's a fine line between measured persistence and creepy desperation. The latter will never get you any girl. can please elaborate it. its not like that....i am not desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I can't tell you how many guys I've loved as friends that I was absolutely not the least romantically interested in. You are giving yourself false hope. She is not interested in you that way. It is not predestined that you will be together just because you feel you ought to be. Like is not the same as love. Friendship, deep friendship, is not the same as being attracted to you and wanting more. Link to post Share on other sites
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