Tressugar Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) Please correct me if I am wrong. Does it make me a bad person if I choose to stop being friends with someone who toxic? I have explained to my "friend" that I am tired after we talk. She always leaves me feeling tired, depressed, drained and down. She's an alcoholic who refuses to make positive, healthy choices to benefit her family or herself. She's now a prostitute to get money to buy more alcohol. She gets into trouble and expects me to bail her out every time. I have helped her out plenty of times; now I'm tired. She became homeless because of her drinking, she got kicked out of school due to alcoholism and cannot get a job because she stays tanked. Her life is literally all over the place. Her family, she has no friends, and certain community persons has cut off all contact with her. I suspect she is lying to me about certain aspects of her life. She has poor boundaries issues. She continues to contact me after I had discussed why we need a time out from each other. Now I just avoid her like the plague. Am I evil? Edited April 16, 2014 by Tressugar Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Hard for me...i try to help people I forgive because i always want to be forgiven but i think when you start to feel depressed and drained you have to maintain distance to heal in friendships and relationships, I think you should give chances.....I am a lot stronger than i used to be .........i have asked people lately to leave my home....because they are destroying me.........everything i hope for......i think that si when you have to draw the line take a step back talk to their family maybe if you are concerned for their welfare........about getting them help and let family take care of their family........i can make myself really ill taking on others issues........i cant anymore ......i have to live my life, my life and health is important....as are your life and health...look after you too as you wont be able to look after anyone if you get sick and tired and depressed...distance but forgiveness in there too not judgment .... .......deb Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Evil? No more than the rest of us. Human? Just like the rest of us. Should you quit being her friend? Not IMO. You may end up being her reason for survival. Should you set boundaries? Yes, for your sanity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 She always leaves me feeling tired, depressed, drained and down. Tressugar, It does not make you a bad person to sever a friendship to a person who is detrimental to your well-being... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Thank you everyone for your responses! I understand boundaries are necessary to keep a sane mind. Although, I am consumed with guilt as she keeps informing me to be a friend to her. It hurts me so much to see how she has thrown away her life. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 You don't have to quit being her friend, but don't bail her out. If you stop doing this, she might quit calling you and it may be that she doesn't value you as friend as that much. If you do decide to cut contact with her, tell her why you can't be around her right now. Maybe it will be a wake-up call for her to change. Tell her to call you when she's sober. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 It would be hard to have someone like her in your life. I agree with iris: If you decide to contact contact with her, let her know why you can't be around her for now. But to answer your question: No, you're not a bad person for not wanting to be her friend anymore. We want to be around people who enhance our life, not drain it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 You will have lots of friends who come and go out of your life for various reasons. Sometimes we outgrow people and sometimes they do things we can no longer accept. You are not a bad person for wanting a positive environment to grow in. I had a friend like this and I felt like I lost a ton of negativity in my life when I stopped hanging out and calling her. I just told her that I couldn't deal with the negative energy. She wasn't happy and said some pretty awful things, so I knew then I made the right choice. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowx Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Ever tried the tough love approach on her to help her sort herself out? Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Ever tried the tough love approach on her to help her sort herself out? It family and other friends have cut her off, I really doubt tough love will work here. OP there isn't much you can do for a person, if they don't want to help themselves. It is best to let your friend know that you care for them but are not going to be enabling their drinking and are not their mother. Could maybe try an intervention also, if you feel the need to really help her, but her issues are "her" issues, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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