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Obsessive Former Friend (long read)


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 31st March 2014, 12:45 PM   #1
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Obsessive Former Friend (long read)

Hey guys. I'm new here. I've been dealing with an issue for over a year and I needed some input/ advice.

I ended a friendship a little over a year ago and unfortunately, I just so happened to be roommates with this person as well. We fell out because I felt like she had been using me for quite some time and she was also very inconsiderate. She was incredibly promiscuous and would meet guys in the club or online and invite them back to our place having only known them for a short amount of time. She hasn't been able to keep a boyfriend or a close friend since I've known her--- which should have been a red flag for me. When I would be out (at school or work) I would come home and catch her coming out of my room-- claiming she was just "looking out the window". She began borrowing my clothes, shoes and makeup & began mimicking my style. She was terrible with money, often late on bills, broke or using men in order to pay her rent. I got fed up with it and decided to get my own place.

It's been a year since I've moved out of my old apartment and I cut off all contact with her. She had to move back in with her parents (she's in her late twenties btw) and she has been doing some pretty outlandish things to get my attention since I moved. She began flirting with my boyfriend on social networks, she added my mother as a friend on Facebook in addition to sending her a message asking how my family was doing and that she "missed" talking to my mother ( they've seen each other a total of 3 times), she's followed me around at a bar and most recently, she came into my job, walked a few feet in front of me and left!!!!

I'm not sure what her deal is. I think I've made it very clear that I'm not interested in being friends with her anymore and she keeps trying to find ways to get me to notice her. I've ignored it all this time, but at this point I'm not sure what she will do next!! Any advice?
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Old 31st March 2014, 4:33 PM   #2
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Her deal is she doesn't have an identity of her own and has decided to borrow yours and whoever else's is handy. She isn't organized and functioning very well. I had an old friend who started trying to be me and it ended in disaster. I just think you get away from her all the way.
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Old 31st March 2014, 10:27 PM   #3
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I like your analysis of the situation!! I agree with what you said-- it definitely made sense and gave me a bit more insight. Thank you so much for sharing!
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Old 1st April 2014, 2:49 AM   #4
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She's trying to get a reaction out of you. She probably doesn't care whether it's a positive reaction or a negative one. Actually, it probably works to her advantage if you blow up at her and tell her to knock it off - that way she can play the victim and complain about what a big meanie you are. Just keep ignoring her.
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Old 1st April 2014, 3:54 AM   #5
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Tell your boyfriend to block her and ignore her. Your mom should delete her (explain the situation so your mom understands that this girl is NOT your friend so having contact on fb is pointless and manipulative of her to add your mom) and you just need to try your best to not let her under your skin (don't ever show her that it bugs you).

This girl sounds nutty!
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Old 1st April 2014, 1:04 PM   #6
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Thank you all for giving me a bit more clarity. I've blocked her on pretty much everything that would have been accessible to her... Hopefully that helps as well.
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Old 1st April 2014, 1:24 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Margo_smith View Post
Thank you all for giving me a bit more clarity. I've blocked her on pretty much everything that would have been accessible to her... Hopefully that helps as well.
Margo, just wanted to chime in and congratulate you on caring for yourself enough to set boundaries with this former friend. That is not an easy thing to do, especially for women.

Good luck with this. Keep us posted.

L.
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Old 1st April 2014, 7:45 PM   #8
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Thank you for the compliment, Lokie! I will definitely keep you all posted.
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